


Twisted Roots

by Lockedmyselfupinaroom



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Humor, Love, M/M, Penetration, Romance, Smut, Some angst, Yooran, and maybe kinky stuff, collar yoosung, eventually there will be sex, like yoosung wearing a collar, probably some rim jobs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-05
Updated: 2017-10-27
Packaged: 2018-10-28 11:22:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 54,139
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10830246
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lockedmyselfupinaroom/pseuds/Lockedmyselfupinaroom
Summary: After Saeyoung saves Saeran and gets engaged to MC, Saeran tries to learn forgiveness for himself. He is still anxious and fearful. He finds solace in Yoosung, and the two are naturally drawn to each other. But will Yoosung still want to stay with Saeran when he learns the full truth about V and Mint Eye? Will he accept what Saeran has done in the past, and understand his 'tarnished heart'? Saeran sees himself as the bad apple of a twisted root, can he overcome his past and feel whole again?





	1. An Unexpected Encounter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Saeran is feeling a bit blue, and he gets a surprise visitor from someone.

The sky is a cerulean blue today, with sweeping white clouds. It reminds Saeran of all those years ago, when he saw the sky with Saeyoung and believed in hope. His chest pains at the thoughts that flood him of what happened after that day – how did so much wrong happen since that time?

But things were okay now. It’s over. He can trust people again. 

He takes a deep breath and counts to ten, the way his therapist taught him when his thoughts get jumbled. He releases one last deep breath and looks back at the sky, thinking only of the warmth and the positive thoughts, letting the negative stream of consciousness dissipate into the wind. As he does this, his body relaxes, and his shaking ceases all the way up through his fingertips. He is still, and calm. 

“Saeran!” a familiar voice calls from behind, and Saeran gets up, looking at his twin brother.

“Saeyoung,” he greets, brushing some grass off his jeans, “you’re back already.”

“The traffic was really not bad today,” Saeyoung comments, “I have a few more grocery bags in the car if you want to help.” 

Saeran’s mind wanders to the moment that he tried to kill himself when Saeyoung went to get food and water all those months ago…and then he tried to kill Saeyoung…

Deep breaths, and count to ten. 

This mantra plays throughout his head daily. He’s doing better, that’s for sure, but things still aren’t completely whole yet in his life. He’s taking things one day at a time, but it’s often frustrating. He’s watching everyone else around him live normal lives, and he feels stuck here, living in his brother’s home jobless and penniless. Saeyoung doesn’t mind in the least – in fact, he’s over the moon with happiness that his brother is living with him, along with his fiancé. Saeyoung truly has it all, he’s a hero and regarded highly among all his friends. His fiancé, MC, has eyes only for him. 

Saeran is happy for them, and the more he hangs around Saeyoung, the more his trust builds. Yet he can’t shake the feeling that he’s a burden for them; his brother practically takes care of him. Saeyoung pays for all of Saeran’s therapy sessions, his food, his shelter, even the clothes on his back. Saeyoung says he does it because he wants to rebuild their relationship, he wants to prove to Saeran that he can be trusted. But Saeran already knows this – it’s been a few months since V’s death, and Saeran understands Saeyoung now. Saeyoung truly cares for Saeran, more than any person in the world. 

Pretty soon, once he gets the okay from his therapist, Saeran is going to apply himself back into the ‘real world.’ He’ll look into going back to school or attaining a job, and perhaps even finding himself a lover. Of course, the latter is just a fantasy, something that might happen someday down the road. At the moment, Saeran struggles to keep normal conversation with any person, sometimes even including his own brother. His thoughts are less clouded and hazy than before, but he still doesn’t seem to pick up on social cues well – after being sheltered for half his life in his mother’s abusive care, to being held in a cult, his personal communication skills were quite diminished. He’s what most people would call “socially awkward” or “inept.” 

For the most part though, Saeran doesn’t mind. He never had many friends or people close to him, and the ones who were close to him, had lied. Rika was never a savior. Saeyoung was his true savior all along, but he had felt hatred for him for so long, that it took quite a while to see the truth. Saeran doesn’t know how to build a friendship, so a romantic relationship seems far out of the question at the moment. 

He often joins the RFA chatrooms, but he usually stays quiet and observes the conversations. If a member asks for his opinion, he will give it honestly, but unless he is prompted, he usually doesn’t chime in. The RFA group has been a nice change in pace for him from Rika’s extreme Mint Eye group, and he’s been grateful for them as a distraction. He feels connected with the group, but he still hasn’t formed lasting bonds with any of the members. Perhaps that sort of thing takes a long time, especially for someone like him. 

As Saeran helps unpack the groceries from the car, Saeyoung gushes about MC. He often does this, without realizing it. “So she decided that we should make a deal with honey Buddha chips and try to sell them in the snack section of our toy store,” Saeyoung comments, “but I told her that what made honey Buddha chips so good was the rarity of the item.”

“But don’t you have endless boxes of them?” Saeran asks. He still doesn’t quite understand the obsession with these chips, but Saeyoung talks about them as if they are a gift from God Himself. 

“Exactly my point,” Saeyoung says, “I can’t sell those! They were given to me! Once I told her that, she laughed and said I was crazy for wanting to keep old bags of chips rather than make a profit.”

“And?” Saeran asks, wondering if there’s a point to this story. 

“Well, she said we didn’t have to sell the chips. She said my lack of greed is one of the reasons she fell in love with me in the first place,” Saeyoung smiles proudly as he stocks their fridge with produce. Before MC started living with them, he usually ate only the aforementioned chips and Dr. Pepper, but he now has a better balanced diet. 

“Great,” Saeran says, not sure what else to say. As usual, Saeyoung’s story didn’t have a purpose. It was just pointless gushing about MC again. 

“Anyways,” Saeyoung says, noting a change in the mood, “how was your day?”

“Okay,” Saeran shrugs, “I went to therapy. Then I stared at the clouds. I was about to check the messenger, and see what the group is up to.”

“I’m glad you get along with them,” Saeyoung says genuinely. 

“Yeah,” Saeran agrees, although he doesn’t quite know where he fits into their group yet. 

Once finished with putting away groceries, Saeran takes a seat on the couch and pulls out his phone. Currently, Zen and Jumin are on the messenger. 

Zen: Hey there trustfund kid.  
Jumin: …  
Zen: Can’t even bother to say hello?  
Jumin: Why should I grace you with a hello?  
Jumin: Elizabeth the 3rd deserves a hello, but not someone who complains all the time.  
Zen: What? Complains all the time? >:-(  
Jumin: What do you need?  
Zen: I was thinking about our next party. MC said she wants to do one soon.  
Jumin: MC and Saeyoung are getting married in a few months. Now is not the time to think about a party.  
Zen: MC can handle it. Oh hello Saeran! ^^  
Saeran: Hi.  
Jumin: Saeran, what do you think? Can your sister-in-law and brother handle hosting an RFA party at the moment?  
Saeran: …  
Saeran: I think Saeyoung can handle anything if he puts his mind to it. He did rescue me.  
Zen: See? Saeran agrees with me.  
Saeran: But, I do think it’s more important for them to focus on wedding plans right now.  
Jumin: Exactly.  
Zen: Well, the wedding isn’t set for several months, so we should have something fun to look forward to in the mean time.  
Jumin: Not everything can be fun and games. Try focusing on work for a bit.  
Zen: >:$  
Zen: I am constantly being harassed by my fans, and my last job only increased my fame.  
Zen: Even for a handsome actor like myself, I need a break from work <3  
Jumin: Stop being so selfish and think of others.  
Zen: There’s no point in talking to you at all! I don’t know why I bothered!

The conversation will probably go on like this for a while. Saeran decides to close out of the chatroom, as he isn’t interested any longer. As usual, they ask for his opinion once, and then forget that he’s in the chat. 

“Anything exciting?” Saeyoung asks, somewhat distractedly. He’s tinkering with the robot cat he made for MC long ago, he often enjoys adding new features to it to surprise her. 

“Zen wants to have another fundraising party soon,” Saeran comments. 

“That’s a good idea,” Saeyoung says, “especially since we couldn’t come to the last party.”

“Yeah,” Saeran feels blue again, “because you and MC were saving me…”

“But it’s alright! I’m much happier now that you are safe,” Saeyoung says with a smile, sensing his brother’s sullen mood. 

“Yeah,” Saeran tries to perk himself up, “I guess it would be fun to attend a real party. I’ve never been to a party before.”

Saeyoung wears a crestfallen face full of pity, and Saeran gets an impulse to punch him just to wipe that sorry look off his face. He hates when others feel sorry for him – no one ever pitied him his whole life, so why should he be pitied now?

Saeran gets up, knowing when it’s best to just walk away from a situation. “I’m a little tired, so I think I’ll go to my room now.”

“Okay,” Saeyoung says, “Hey, if you’re up for it later, MC and I are going to watch Transformers tonight, she got a rental. It’s a movie about robots fighting, it’s super awesome!”

But the thought of watching a long movie about fighting robots while MC and Saeyoung cuddle and laugh on the couch makes Saeran feel so lonely inside he wants to punch something again. So he politely refuses, “no thanks, but thanks for the offer.”

“Hey Saeran?”

“Yeah?”

“You know you can talk to me about anything right?” Saeyoung asks, slightly dejected.

“Of course,” Saeran forces a smile out, “I know that. Sometimes I just like to be alone though.”

“Okay,” Saeyoung smiles back and adjusts his glasses, “Get some rest and I’ll catch you later.”

Saeran nods and heads into his room, sighing as he closes his door. He doesn’t know why he’s feeling so anxious, but his heart is racing and his chest feels tight. He closes his eyes and tries counting to ten, but all he can see is V.

V with blood everywhere.

And it’s his fault.

And no one’s said anything about it since that day. 

And Zen and Yoosung still don’t know. 

Saeran clutches at his chest and heaves for air. It takes him a minute or two to realize that he’s huddled and hunched on the floor in a fetal position, with tears streaming down his cheeks. He doesn’t remember laying down, or curling up. He rocks back and forth for a while, trying to take his mind off the incident. His therapist keeps telling him that it isn’t his fault, he was under mind control, he was under the influence of heavy drugs, he was pressured and didn’t know what to do. He was quite literally trapped into a corner.

And still, he can’t get the thought out of his head that he pulled the trigger. He murdered V, and V wasn’t even the one responsible for all his woes. 

A vehemence rages through his body towards Rika. Rika stole him and turned him into a brainwashed fool, and twisted his mind to think that Saeyoung had betrayed him and left him. All his pain could be attributed to her wrongdoings. He hates that he despises her, but he can’t let go of these feelings. Not yet. Not when she’s free out in Alaska doing whatever therapy Zen sent her off to do. 

He clenches his fist and bites down on his lower lip until the negative thoughts slowly seep away, leaving him with nothingness. He finally gets up from the floor and drags himself to bed, the soft sheets cradling him like a newborn baby. He can hear explosions and laughter from the living room, and he wonders idly how long his panic attack lasted this time. His jaw hurts from clenching his mouth shut and there are red nail marks in his palms. He lays in bed quietly, staring at the ceiling, wondering if his residual pain will ever fully go away, or if his brain is permanently scarred with a scab that won’t heal. 

/////////  
Dark red cherry lips and auburn hair taunt Yoosung from across the room. He’s been staring at this girl in his biology class for weeks now, working up the nerve to talk to her. 

He usually isn’t very shy, but after the fiasco of having body guards walk around with him at school a few months ago, he’s been the gossip of the school. People still give him side glances and odd stares. His college is small, so word gets around quickly. Jumin’s body guards were burly men who stood out amongst the crowd and embraced the title of ‘scary and unapproachable.’ Naturally, the whole school assumed Yoosung was a celebrity and most were still standoffish to him still.

So Yoosung can only watch from a distance the beautiful red flower that smiles warmly with her friends and laughs with a crinkle in her eyes. She wears a choker necklace, and something about that black strand around her neck makes him tight and uncomfortable in all the wrong places…

Yoosung sighs, and gathers up courage. He knows he should simply go and say hello, at the very least. He starts to walk up towards her, his hands buried deep in his pockets to stop himself from fidgeting. However, his pathway is blocked as another figure steps into view. 

A tall man, with brunette hair and a carefree, smug look swoops in next to the red haired vixen. He places his arm casually around her shoulder, and Yoosung feels his heart drop. She leans up and kisses his cheek, and Yoosung stands midway between his seat and her, his jaw slightly agape. 

Regret washes over him as he realizes that he could’ve talked to her weeks ago. He wonders how long she’s been dating this guy? He looks up at the man with his arm wrapped around her shoulder, and he can instantly see why she likes him. He has a rugged yet confident appearance, and he’s handsome. There’s something rough about the way his eyes scope around the room, yet when he glances back at the redhead, he does so adoringly, letting down his guard just for a split second as he looks at his partner. 

Yoosung’s heart flutters at that gentle look. But wait – why would he have a reaction to that? He’s a guy. 

Yoosung shakes his head and scurries back to his seat before the professor begins the lecture. 

He shouldn’t be having such thoughts about a guy, right? But he can’t get that affectionate look out of his mind…he almost wishes the guy was looking at him like that…

But that’s impossible.

He’s always been interested in women. He’s never had a girlfriend yet, but he knows that his day is coming soon. He probably found this man’s attractive glances appealing simply because his body craves the attention…right?

“Ah,” Yoosung sighs aloud and then clamps his mouth shut. A few peeping eyes peek at him, bewildered. He blushes and looks back down at his notes, trying his best to calm his racing mind and rid himself of his romantic fantasies. 

///////////////  
Saeran is surprised to see that he has an unread message on his phone the next morning. In his bout of anxiety, he ignored his phone all night and didn’t think to check it until after he got up. 

He’s even more shocked to see that it’s from Yoosung.

It reads: Hi Saeran! I read the chat with Zen and Jumin, they are hopeless -.- I can’t believe they completely ignored you like that! Anyway, I hope you are doing well!

A flicker of light dances inside Saeran’s belly. So someone else in the group finally noticed him! He probably shouldn’t feel as joyous as he does, but it seems like any positive attention truly goes to his head these days – he’s been longing for someone to genuinely care for him for most of his life after all. 

But now Saeran is facing a new challenge – what is he supposed to say back to Yoosung?! Sure, Yoosung might just have been joking around a bit, but Saeran can’t help but feel that Yoosung actually feels sympathetic towards the fact that he was ignored by Jumin and Zen. 

Saeran sits on the couch and runs the words over in his mind for several minutes before replying with this: I’m okay. How is school?

It’s short and simple, but somehow took Saeran 15 minutes to compose. What’s wrong with him!? He kept wanting to write more, but felt that it would sound too desperate…

“Ugh,” Saeran tosses his phone aside, as it’s making him a little anxious, waiting on Yoosung’s reply. 

He gets up to pour himself some orange juice, and he thinks back to one of the first chat rooms he ever joined. He had accidentally thrown out information about his sexuality that time, saying casually that he wasn’t interested in women. The RFA members were quick to pick up on that slip, and he eventually confirmed to them all that he’s gay.

It isn’t something that took a whole lot of thinking on his part. He never experienced romantic love or even a relationship before, yet he’s only ever been interested in men. Thinking back to his dark past with Mint Eye, he can clearly remember being attracted to one of the other guys of the organization, but Rika always told him to repress those ‘primal’ urges, and that their true pleasure lay beyond in ‘salvation.’ 

He wasted so many years following Rika, and believing that she was right…he sips on his orange juice, trying not to think of what could have happened…he’s supposed to focus on the here and now, and not dwell on the past. 

He nearly splutters his orange juice out of his mouth when he hears his phone beep with a message. He rushes to grab his phone and reads Yoosung’s reply with his pulse racing.

Yoosung: School is a drag, haha. I was going to talk to this pretty girl yesterday, but it turns out she already has a boyfriend, my luck I suppose. But at least I’m getting good grades again! I do hope we can have an RFA party soon, I would like to catch up with everyone, but I understand if Saeyoung and MC don’t have the time. What do you think? : ) 

A feeling like a rock plunges through Saeran’s stomach, leaving him with a deep sense of dejection. Well, it wasn’t like he should’ve had his hopes up anyways, right? Yoosung is straight, he’s mentioned before about wanting a girlfriend. This is nothing new.

So then why does Saeran feel so hopeless?

He slides his phone back into his pocket, not feeling the will to answer his message right now. He decides to read through some of MC’s book collection, and then perhaps lay outside and stare up at the clouds. 

………….

Saeran brings a book outside in the grass to read, so that he can simultaneously enjoy the view along with reading. Reading calms him down whenever he’s upset, and he also finds that it’s a great escape when things get too stressful. He can jump into a fantasy or adventure story and get enthralled with the characters and the plot and never once think about his own fears or doubts or worries. It’s truly wonderful. 

Saeran is so engrossed in one story that he barely realizes that someone has stepped into his field of vision. It isn’t until a shadow emerges over the pages of the book that Saeran looks up, startled to see Yoosung peering at him. His heart jumps a mile at the sight. 

“Ah!” Saeran cries out, flinging the book to the grass. 

“Hehehe!” Yoosung laughs with a bubbly grin, “sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you!”

Saeran looks at him skeptically, “what are you doing here Yoosung? Saeyoung and MC are at work.”

“I know,” Yoosung says, sitting down in the grass next to Saeran. “I came to see you!”

“Me?” Saeran’s heart drums loudly again.

“Yeah,” Yoosung smiles, “I’ve been meaning to come over and hang out. Saeyoung and I are such good friends, so I thought I should get to know his only twin brother!”

“That’s your reasoning? I’m completely different than him,” Saeran replies.

“That’s exactly why I want to get to know you,” Yoosung chimes in. “What are you reading?”

Saeran feels his cheeks redden, but he flashes the cover over towards Yoosung regardless. Yoosung’s eyes turn bright, “Oh! Moonlight Petals! I read that a few years ago, it’s one of my favorites, it’s so romantic!”

“You read this?” Saeran asks, shocked by his enthusiastic reply. 

Yoosung nods eagerly, “yeah! Although,” he furrows his eyebrows, “I’m a bit surprised to see you reading it, to be honest.”

“Yeah,” Saeran feels embarrassed again, “I’ve been reading through MC’s collection of books. She has all sorts of fictional titles, with anything from fantasy to sci-fi to romance, so I thought I’d give romance a try too.”

“Yeah, I could see her having an eclectic taste,” Yoosung says. “What do you think so far?”

“Well…” Saeran pauses, “it’s a little cliché, but it’s an exciting read nonetheless. I really do want the main characters to end up together.”

“Yeah, I thought the same at first too! There’s some twists though, so prepare yourself! Hehe!” Yoosung laughs that bubbly laugh again, and Saeran’s stomach turns in a knot. 

“So…” Saeran shifts the conversation towards Yoosung, “do you like reading romance?”

“Of course!” Yoosung admits unashamedly. “I’m actually a big romantic geek, but no one would ever know because I’ve never dated a girl.” He looks at Saeran with a playfully sad ‘puppy-dog’ stare and Saeran immediately looks down at the grass. He can’t look at Yoosung when he’s like that, it makes his insides squirm with something crazy. 

“Yeah, I saw your message about the girl you liked in class. Sorry about that,” Saeran says, knowing that this is the discourse one usually uses in situations like these. 

Yoosung shrugs, “It’s okay, hehe, I never even talked to her! I’m a mess, right!?” 

Saeran cracks a small chuckle, “I guess so.”

“Seriously, I would be the best boyfriend ever!” Yoosung defends proudly, laughing at himself. 

“Well, you should start by spending more time with pretty girls rather than talking to me,” Saeran suggests, somewhat jokingly.

Yoosung turns to face Saeran, “but I like talking to you!” he says. Saeran’s stomach does a back flip and he suddenly has the urge to fidget with something, so he grabs onto his choker necklace and tugs it slightly. 

He notices that Yoosung is staring intently at him, right at his choker necklace. Saeran is about to say something, when Yoosung interjects, “Hey, I guess I never really noticed, but you have kind of an edgy sort of fashion don’t you?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, you like to wear those necklaces…and you have that tattoo…and eye shadow and nail polish and stuff,” Yoosung lists out.

“It’s eyeliner,” Saeran corrects. He doesn’t wear eye shadow, only the blackest of eyeliner. “I-I got used to wearing this sort of stuff, and trying to change it completely was weird for me. My therapist said I should try to find my own identity…but it hasn’t been easy. But I decided I like my hair red better, so I went back to this,” Saeran points to his mess of red hair, “and I enjoy wearing the chokers and a little bit of make-up. I can’t do anything about the tattoo besides cover it up with long sleeves unfortunately.”

“I think the tattoo is cool though,” Yoosung says with stars in his eyes. He tries to pull up on Saeran’s sleeve – apparently he isn’t too concerned with personal space. 

Saeran flinches back and tugs his long sleeve down, “I don’t like it. It’s a constant reminder of all the wrong things I did in Mint Eye.”

Yoosung balks at the mention of ‘Mint Eye,’ and he wears a frantic, apologetic expression, “I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to bring that up!” His eyes squish together adorably and Saeran is struck with a desire to hug Yoosung close and comfort him. He of course does not act on that impulse. 

“It’s alright,” is what Saeran says instead. “In time I’ll get used to it.”

“Yeah,” Yoosung sounds more hopeful now. “Well, just for the record, I like the choker necklace on you. And the red hair. Actually!” he perks up, remembering something, “the girl I was staring at in class has red hair and wears a choker sometimes, she kind of reminds me of you!”

Saeran jolts at this disclosure and blushes furiously. Did Yoosung really just admit that?! Saeran buries his face in his hands, not sure what else to do, and he hears Yoosung yelp beside him, as he just realized the implication of his words. 

“Oh um! Sorry! I forgot that you’re -um- well, I didn’t mean it like that hehe,” Yoosung chuckles nervously and Saeran peeks out from between his fingers to see an embarrassed, flushed face looking towards him. 

Yoosung sighs, crestfallen, “I’m much too awkward to cheer you up I guess. Maybe coming here was a bad idea.” He makes to get up, but Saeran quickly reaches out and tugs at the hem of his pants to pull him back down.

“Wait! It’s okay!” Saeran cries out, astounding even himself with this interjection. “It’s really fine. I-I want to hang out with you, if that’s okay,” Saeran pulls his hand back to him, just now realizing that he’s been hanging onto Yoosung still, “I don’t have anything else to do today.”

“Great!” Yoosung is overjoyed, and Saeran can clearly see that he’s being genuine. 

“So...what do you want to do?” Saeran asks, truly clueless as to what guys do when they hang out. 

“Well, I did bring a copy of my Zendor game with me…” Yoosung states, pulling the case out from under his jacket. 

Saeran shrugs, “A video game? Sure we can play, although I’m not very good at video games.”

But the sincere bliss look of excitement Yoosung gave Saeran to this response was enough to convince him that he made the right decision.


	2. Cuts and Scrapes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yoosung teaches Saeran to ride a bike.

After an hour and a half of play time, Saeran finally caught on to the game and got used to the controls. His character throws a few clever maneuvers and spins towards the direction of the boss enemy, with Yoosung’s character a few paces behind. Yoosung taps furiously on his controller, very into the game but still in awe at how quick Saeran picked up the moves, “Wow! You’re really good at this! You already learned his top level moves!”

“It’s all a matter of memorizing the controls,” Saeran says, leaning back into the couch with less enthusiasm for the game as Yoosung. But it’s quite fun to watch Yoosung play – he gets so involved, sitting at the edge of his seat and actually sweating. Saeran can’t help but chuckle at his passion for the game.

Saeran delivers a killing blow to the enemy and Yoosung jumps up out of his seat cheering and hollering, “woo! We did it! I can’t believe it! I’ve been trying to defeat that boss for a whole day!”

Yoosung lifts his hands up for Saeran to high five, and Saeran does so, still not really understanding his zeal but laughing along nonetheless. It feels good to laugh – it’s an almost odd sensation, the feeling reverberating through his chest and making his head feel light. 

Yoosung quickly saves and pauses the game and looks at Saeran with a giddy expression. “You are so awesome at this game! Seriously, it must run in your genes!”

“Is Saeyoung that good of a player too?” Saeran asks. 

“Yeah,” Yoosung pouts a bit, “which is annoying, because all he ever does is troll people online.”

“Troll?” Saeran asks, confused. 

Yoosung laughs, “yeah! You know, like when someone tricks you online and makes fun of you!”

Saeran blinks several times, “Like a hacker?” He still doesn’t get it.

“No, not like that,” Yoosung’s laughter fades, as he tries to think of a way to explain. “I mean, Saeyoung is probably a good player because he spends so much time on the computer…and the same goes for you too probably. But he has a really weird sense of humor and he likes to pick on others, especially online. One time in the chat room he told me that if I drank too much coffee, I would get this disease and explode!”

Saeran busts out laughing at this, covering his mouth to stifle his giggles. It sounds like such a Saeyoung thing to do, so he knows Yoosung isn’t lying. “Did you actually believe him?!”

“He made a fake website to trick me into thinking he was right!” Yoosung defends, although he’s smiling too, thinking back on that time. 

“Well, making an online website isn’t hard at all. I bet I could easily fool you too,” Saeran teases.

Yoosung shoves him playfully, “Hey! Not you too!” he laughs that adorable ‘hehe’ and adds, “I can’t believe I just gave you that idea.”

Saeran smiles back, but something gnaws at him, rips him up inside – he can’t shake that feel, of him being simply a ‘hacker’ who forced MC into a dangerous situation and who did all he could to get at his brother. It seems that every time someone in the RFA compliments his tech-savvy skills, he has haunted thoughts of using said skills for evil…his past grips at him in even the most light of situations, such as now talking with Yoosung about trivial matters. 

Yoosung furrows his brows slightly, noticing Saeran’s quiet mood. “You okay?” he asks, concerned. Saeran stares back, surprised that Yoosung noticed something was off. 

He brushes Yoosung aside though with a practiced curve of his lips, “I’m alright. Should we play more, or do you want to do something else?”

Yoosung nods, although he doesn’t look thoroughly convinced. “Well, I’m trying to cut back on playing too many video games each day hehe…” he laughs innocently and Saeran feels his heart twitch, “so maybe we can do something else? Perhaps go outside and ride a bike or something?”

Saeran’s cheeks flare up at the suggestion and he fumbles with his hands in his lap uncomfortably, “I-I don’t know.”

“A bike ride sounds fun, don’t you think? I rode my bike here, and I’m sure Saeyoung has one you can borrow!” Yoosung is exciting, bouncing up on the couch with glee. 

Saeran sighs an averts eye contact, embarrassed to tell him the truth, “Yoosung…I’ve never ridden a bike before. I don’t know how.”

Yoosung’s eyes become saucers at the news, but he isn’t discouraged in the least. “Really!? Oh my gosh I never knew! I can teach you!” He grabs Saeran’s arm, causing him to reactively pull back. He still isn’t used to such casual contact with others. But Yoosung doesn’t seem offended; he’s too excited about teaching Saeran to ride a bike to notice Saeran’s jerky reactions. “Let’s go Saeran! Everyone should experience riding a bike!”

“If you insist,” Saeran replies, mostly because he can’t stand to let Yoosung down at this point. 

Yoosung hollers out a “Yahoo!” and then rushes towards the door, with Saeran following along behind him, with much less energy in his steps. They walk outside, and Yoosung notes, “It’s such a beautiful day, today is perfect for this!”

Yoosung grabs his bike from its parked position by the driveway and rolls it up, then puts the kickstand down. “We’re using your bike?” Saeran asks, inspecting the simple design.

“Yup,” Yoosung says, “it’ll be easy since I know it so well.” Saeran nods, starting to feel a little hesitant about his decision. “Now, I’ll ride it around the driveway a bit, that way you can watch and see how it’s done.”

Yoosung kicks his foot over and gets comfortable on the bike before pedaling off, going in slow circles around the driveway. Saeran studies him intensely – noting how each leg muscle stiffens and relaxes with each pass, and watching his carefree grin etched upon his face as he glides effortlessly around the driveway. Saeran nearly whimpers as he notices Yoosung’s blonde hair pushing back with the wind – he looks so adorable and so innocent, and Saeran has the sudden urge to protect that innocence from the cruel world. He wants to hold Yoosung tight and do anything he can to keep him smiling. 

Yoosung finally comes to a stop and hops off the bike, patting the seat, “your turn.”

“No way can I do this,” Saeran doubts himself. He never once got a chance to play sports as a child, due to his abnormal upbringing. He has no athletic bone in his body. 

“Yes you can!” Yoosung cheers him on, “get on and I’ll hold your back and guide you through the motions.”

Saeran grabs the handles and looks down, though mostly to hide the creeping blush crawling over his skin. Yoosung is going to hold onto him? What is he, a child?

He hoists himself up on the bike, with one foot still planted firmly on the ground. As promised, Yoosung holds onto the back of his shirt with one hand, and places another hand over Saeran’s right hand on the handlebar. “Now, lift up your foot onto the pedal and start moving, nice and slow.”

Saeran does as he’s instructed, fearing that the bike will wobble and topple over any second. But Yoosung holds it in place, and Saeran is able to move forward, although admittedly very slowly. 

“Great! You’re doing it!” Yoosung cheers, still holding onto him for support. 

Saeran let’s a genuine chuckle escape his lips – he can’t believe he’s actually doing this. Riding a bike – he had thought about it many times as a child, locked up in his mother’s house, starving and thinking of any fantasy to escape his living nightmare. He often pictured himself and Saeyoung, riding bikes like all the other kids to do school. It was a happy thought, one that got him through many sleepless nights as a child. 

He is brought back to the present when Yoosung says, “Okay, I’m gonna let go now, I think you’re getting the hang of this.”

Saeran nods, determined to show Yoosung his skills. Yoosung lets his hands slip away, and Saeran keeps moving forward at a steady, even pace. He can’t believe it! He’s riding a bike!

Saeran turns his head around to smile at Yoosung, and to thank him. But when he does so, the bike wavers beneath him, and it’s suddenly difficult to maintain his balance. He looks back ahead just in time to crash into the bushes, toppling over and feeling prickly plants scratch at his skin. “Ouch,” he mutters.

“Oh no!” Yoosung runs towards him, clearly concerned, “Are you okay?”

“Ah, yeah,” Saeran disentangles himself from the bushes and pushes the bike off himself. 

“Yeah, keep your head forward, it’ll take some time to get used to before you can turn around like that,” Yoosung says, “Sorry, I guess I should’ve explained more.”

Saeran lifts up out of the bush, and feels a prickling, warm sensation on his wrist. He looks down to see fresh blood seeping from a small cut, presumably due to the thorns in the bushes.  
Yoosung notices it too and gasps, “oh no! You hurt yourself!”

Saeran finally gets up out from the bush and remarks, “it’s just a small cut, no big deal.” But the cut is a little deeper than he thought, and starting to bleed more. 

“Nonsense, that’s a lot of blood, let’s go inside and get that taken care of,” Yoosung demands, sounding quite motherly-like all of a sudden. 

Saeran sighs but follows Yoosung back into his place, showing him where Saeyoung keeps the bandages and first aid kit. Saeran washes the blood off his wrist and uses a paper towel to cover the small wound. 

“Sit here,” Yoosung instructs, pointing to the kitchen table. Saeran sits and watches curiously as Yoosung pulls out some materials from the first aid kit. He takes some antiseptic and blots it on a cloth before asking Saeran to hold out his arm. He places the cloth against Saeran’s wound, and Saeran winces, but tries to hold back from showing outward signs of pain.

“I can’t believe you got this scraped up from one fall,” Yoosung says, “I’m sorry again.”

“It isn’t your fault,” Saeran says, watching as he wraps a bandage around the area, “Thanks for helping me. How do you know how to treat this kind of wound?” Saeran is curious by Yoosung’s attention to detail in this matter.

“Well, hehe,” Yoosung chuckles to himself and Saeran bites his lower lip to keep from muttering incoherent nonsense about how cute he finds that laughter. “I want to become a vet one day, to be honest. But it sometimes seems like a distant dream.”

“That’s a great goal,” Saeran says, “why don’t you think it’s possible?”

“Well,” Yoosung sighs, cleaning up the rest of the material back into the first aid kit, as he’s finished with his job. “I slacked off a bit this semester with playing video games so much…once my mom got involved, I started to realize that I needed to get back on track. I’m still trying to pick up the slack, my grades are doing better, but I’ll be lucky if I can end this semester with a passing grade in each course.”

“Just keep working hard,” Saeran feels like he needs to encourage Yoosung. Somehow, he can’t stand seeing him self-defeated like this. “I’m sure you can do it…actually,” he just got a crazy idea, “if you ever need help studying, maybe I can help you out. I don’t know too much about pet biology, but I do like learning things…I can help you keep focused and study for quizzes.”

Yoosung’s eyes light up, “Would you really do that!?” he asks, astounded. Saeran simply nods, looking down at his wrist and wondering if that much bandage was really necessary. “You’re amazing Saeran! Really!” Yoosung leaps forward and embraces Saeran in a hug, startling him again with his impulsive and affectionate gestures. 

But this time, Saeran doesn’t push him back. He pats Yoosung on the back a little, not sure what else to do. He wants to squeeze him back and hold him tight, but he feels that it would be too intimate, too personal. He might scare the excited blonde away, and he has no intention of doing that. 

Yoosung eventually parts, wearing a bright smile. “I’m glad we could hang out today, you are so awesome,” he says.

“I’m glad you came over too,” Saeran admits, feeling his cheeks redden.

“This is going to be a great friendship, I can already feel it!” Yoosung states, bouncing up out of his chair. Saeran feels his chest deflate a small bit at the word ‘friendship,’ although he can’t exactly place why he feels this way. Shouldn’t he be happy to have attained a friend?

“I really do have to go now though,” Yoosung says after putting away the first aid kit. “Does your wrist seem okay?”

“Yeah,” Saeran looks at it and then back at Yoosung, “I had a professional heal me up after all,” he teases. 

Yoosung laughs back and heads for the door, “okay, well we can practice bike riding again some other time! Oh, or maybe next time I’ll bring some stuff to study. Either way, I’ll be in touch!”

“Okay, sounds great,” Saeran says, watching as the bright and bubbly blonde exits his house, leaving the place seem very quiet.

/////////////

After a few hours of finishing his papers and studying, Yoosung decides to hop on the RFA messenger to see if anyone is online. He needs a distraction. 

He finds Zen in a chatroom, although he’s a little disappointed it isn’t Saeran.

Zen: Hello Yoosung, how’s it going?  
Yoosung: Okay, just drained after studying for so long. -.-  
Zen: Yes, I’m sure that’s exhausting. Make sure to take breaks though!  
Yoosung: Yeah, I actually spent the first half of the day with Saeran, it was a lot of fun!   
Zen: Oh? What did you two do?  
Yoosung: Video games and then riding a bike.  
Zen: Really? That sounds interesting. I never knew he would be interested in either of those things.  
Yoosung: He’s a natural at video games, I’m jealous. And I’m teaching him to ride a bike!  
Zen: Good for you. I’d like to teach someone how to ride a bike too, although I believe we are talking about different types of bikes here.  
Yoosung: I don’t think I could ever ride a motorcycle, too scary!  
Zen: It will help you attract pretty girls Yoosung ;)  
Yoosung: -.-  
Zen: Aren’t you interested in meeting cute girls? You haven’t had a girlfriend yet, right? What’s your type?  
Yoosung: what’s with all these questions?  
Zen: I’m curious! You’ve never had a girlfriend, so I want to lend you my expertise with women.   
Yoosung: -.-  
Yoosung: A type? Do most people have types?  
Yoosung: I guess I like…edgy women?  
Zen: Edgy? Elaborate.   
Yoosung: A nice girl, who wears dark nail polish, with red lips and a choker necklace perhaps…someone punk, but nice. I don’t know. *embarrassed Yoosung pic*  
Zen: You find that punk look attractive?  
Yoosung: Yes, there was this one girl in my class who fit that description. But she has a boyfriend.  
Zen: Ah, so you’ve fantasized already? And this girl would be a dom?  
Yoosung: Fantasized!? *shocked Yoosung pic*  
Yoosung: Um, what’s a dom?  
Zen: Oh boy, you have a lot to learn.  
\---Saeyoung has entered the chatroom---  
Yoosung: Saeyoung! Save me! Zen is cornering me about getting a girlfriend!  
Saeyoung: Hello Yoosung, Zen.  
Zen: I am merely asking him questions.   
Saeyoung: I see that you hung out with Saeran earlier today Yoosung.  
Saeyoung: I have to ask something.  
Yoosung: Yes?  
Saeyoung: Do you know why he has a bandage on his wrist?!  
Yoosung: He cut himself while I was teaching him how to ride a bike. He fell in the bushes. I helped him clean it up, but it wasn’t too bad.  
Saeyoung: Thank goodness. *relieved Saeyoung gif*  
Zen: Um Saeyoung? Why are you relieved by that news? Why didn’t you ask your brother yourself what happened?  
Saeyoung: Oh. Well, I was afraid maybe it was self-inflicted harm.  
Saeyoung: I admit I was a little tentative to ask him about it.   
Yoosung: He’s your brother, you shouldn’t be afraid to ask him. Why would he inflict self-injury?  
Saeyoung: … I feel that he still doesn’t tell me everything. I suppose it will take time for him to heal fully. I just worry that he’ll relapse.   
Yoosung: He seemed to be fine today. In fact, I saw him laugh and smile a lot today :)  
Saeyoung: I’m glad to hear that. I think you could all be great friends for him. Please help support him. Zen, you and Jumin should spend time with him too, just like Yoosung.  
Zen: Why are you bringing the trust fund kid into this??  
Saeyoung: You two hang out a lot.  
Zen: We do not.  
Saeyoung: Regardless…thank you Yoosung.   
Yoosung: No problem! I had a lot of fun! :)  
Saeyoung: What prompted you to see my brother?  
Saeyoung: Was it his ‘edgy’ appearance? ;)  
Yoosung: What?  
Yoosung: I’m not sure what you’re implying…but I genuinely felt like he needed someone to reach out to him. He doesn’t participate in the chatrooms much. I thought he might appreciate a friend.  
Zen: He was in the chatroom yesterday.  
Yoosung: Then you and Jumin started arguing and left him to the wayside…-.-  
Zen: Ah, I see your point. That jerk.  
Saeyoung: I have to go now, MC is calling for me.  
Zen: Are you guys doing an RFA party soon? Sorry, I have to ask.  
Saeyoung: We are discussing the possibility! Will keep you updated! Bye!   
\---Saeyoung has left the chatroom---  
Yoosung: I hope he’s okay. Sounds like he’s still very worried for Saeran.  
Zen: Well, you can’t blame him after what happened. I’m sure he wonders constantly what Saeran is thinking about him.  
Yoosung: But he’s changed so much already.  
Zen: How would you know?  
Yoosung: As I said, he had a good day today. At least, while I was there…  
Zen: He’ll be okay in time. You are right – he can live with Saeyoung and MC now, two people he formerly despised.   
Yoosung: Exactly. Saeran is a lot stronger than you might think.  
Yoosung: I’ve spent a lot of time here…I really should get back to my studies. -.-  
Zen: Alright Yoosung. I’m glad to hear you are studying, and not playing LOLOL.  
Yoosung: -.- I have to unfortunately.  
Zen: You should thank Jumin for calling your mom. You’ve changed so much!  
Yoosung: Okay, bye!  
Zen: bye!

Yoosung sets down his phone with a tone of anger. How could Saeyoung and Zen think that Saeran might harm himself? Is Saeran’s condition worse than Yoosung thought? Are there things he doesn’t know?

He shakes his head and tries to concentrate, but everything feels murky. There’s a lot of confusion and mystery revolved around what happened in Mint Eye with Saeran. Yoosung still doesn’t know why the police are after Rika, and he has no idea what truly happened to Saeran. Something about being brainwashed…but what are the details? Why are they being kept hidden from him?

Yoosung groans into his hands and puts his homework aside, seeing it as a lost cause at this point. He’ll have to get up early tomorrow to finish it. 

He stares at his phone, feeling something crawl at the pit of his stomach. What if Saeran sees those messages? What will he think? Will he feel upset that his brother couldn’t ask him about his bandage? Will it trigger unwanted thoughts?

Yoosung grabs the phone and types a rushed message to Saeran, trying to think of anything to say to cheer him up. He can’t stand the thought of Saeran going through such pain, again.   
Once he types up the message, he sighs and rubs his eyes – it is quite late. He crawls into bed and hopes to wake up with a clear head tomorrow to finish his studies.


	3. Crush

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Saeran realizes he has a crush on Yoosung. Yoosung realizes he has a crush on Saeran.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope my readers are enjoying the story so far! The juicy stuff will come later, don't worry ;) They have to form a deep bond first! Comments are welcome! Thanks guys!

Saeran cringes, his entire body folding in itself as he reads the chatroom messages. He wants to be smaller, to disappear – his brother is still so worried for him, but doesn’t always have the courage to come talk to him about it. What is he afraid of?

Oh, that’s right.

He’s probably afraid that Saeran will attack him, will revert back to trying to harm himself or others around him.

Saeran poses a threat – a danger – in his state. Saeyoung must hate him – that version of him anyway, the one that tried to slice him open with a shard of glass, the one that spouted spiteful words towards him, the one that killed V…

Saeran’s chest clenches tight, as if a layer of ice has a hold over him, freezing up and crushing his organs. He can’t help but read everything in the chatroom – the only silver lining is when Yoosung says that ‘Saeran is a lot stronger than you think.’ But how would he really know? He’s only seen one side of him, only experienced the good.

Saeran is about to give up his phone and immerse himself in his tormenting thoughts, when he sees an unread personal message from Yoosung. He opens it and reads:  
‘Hello Saeran! I had a lot of fun earlier today, and hope we can hang out again soon! I’ll teach you how to ride a bike properly this time, although I suppose I can’t promise that you won’t get any more scrapes and bruises. If you ever feel the need to talk about anything, please let me know!’

The ice forming around Saeran’s chest starts to melt upon seeing those words on the screen. His body relaxes a bit, and a cloud of self doubt erases. He can talk to Yoosung – it’s an invitation, a welcoming for a release. His therapist told him it was important to make friends and to rely on them for their support. It’s important to build trust with others, and to talk about these things. He can’t shoulder the burden alone.

But how can Saeran even begin to explain everything to Yoosung? Yoosung lives an innocent life, devoid of depression and hatred and crushing torment. He doesn’t know true fear or hatred like Saeran. Will it only push him away to know the ugly truth, the secrets about Rika and her organization? Does he still view her with respect, and love? 

Saeran has no idea. He doesn’t know what he would say to Yoosung, or if he could ever bring himself to say anything about the matter. But the fact is – Yoosung held out his hand to him, and is showing him a path towards true friendship. Saeran can’t deny that he enjoys Yoosung’s company, and he doesn’t take it for granted. 

He slowly gets out of bed, and dresses himself for the day. He’ll go see his therapist, and bring this up to her. Perhaps she’ll have good advice for Saeran, to help him figure out what to do.

//////////

It isn’t until two days later that Yoosung finally receives a message back from Saeran, and his heart nearly leaps out of his chest. It’s a simple message that reads: ‘I’d like to continue with our bicycle lessons soon Yoosung. Thank you for reaching out to me. Will this Friday afternoon be a good time to catch up?’

Yoosung types back a reply quickly, emphasizing that this Friday is perfect – he hits send and smiles, putting his phone away and bringing his eyes back up to the teacher.   
It’s odd that he should feel this happy to hang out with a guy, but somehow, he has this jittery feeling when it comes to Saeran. He wonders what it means. He tries to put extra effort into making Saeran smile when he’s around him. He feels that there’s so much more to Saeran, so many secrets and yet hidden treasures as well. He longs to uncover those mysteries, and to learn as much as he can about the mysterious twin of his best friend Saeyoung. 

////////

Saeran took the advice from his therapist and reached out to Yoosung. He was delighted to hear back from Yoosung so soon, and to receive an affirmation that Yoosung does indeed want to see him again. 

He hums to himself as he prepares dinner with Saeyoung. MC is out running errands, so it’s just himself and his brother in the house, and Saeyoung had the idea to cook something together. Saeran has little experience with cooking, but following the recipe is easy. He stirs a wooden spoon in the pot of bubbling soup as he thinks about this upcoming Friday.  
Saeyoung catches on easily to his brother’s uplifted spirits, “you seem to be in a good mood today, why’s that?”

“Oh,” Saeran feels the steam rising up to his cheeks, and he takes a deep breath in – it smells delicious so far, “I’m hanging out with Yoosung again this Friday. I think he can really help me with learning how to ride a bike.”

“That’s great,” Saeyoung smiles to his brother, pausing from chopping the vegetables for a moment, “how’s your wrist healing up?”

“It’s fine,” Saeran shows him his wrist, which is now bandage free and has a few small scars from the incident, but nothing major. Saeyoung nods with understanding, and is about to go back to chopping when Saeran adds, “Um, why didn’t you just ask me yourself about the bandage Saeyoung? Did you really…did you really think I would inflict self-injury?”

Saeyoung sighs and looks at Saeran apologetically, “I’m so sorry I ever doubted you Saeran. I really want us to have a strong bonding relationship, and I feel like I hindered it by not coming directly to you about it…”

“It’s okay,” Saeran says, turning back to the soup. He wants to be close with his brother too, but he can’t deny that the messages he read in the chat room were somewhat hurtful. He tries to brush past it, “Really, I don’t know why you were scared to talk to me. Please don’t be scared to talk to me about anything, okay?”

“Okay,” Saeyoung looks relieved, as though he’s been letting this conversation weigh over him for the past few days, “I promise to come directly to you if I ever have concerns again. Now, how’s that soup coming along?”

Saeran and Saeyoung finish dinner preparations and then wait for MC to arrive. The three of them sit to eat a family meal together for the first time in a while, and Saeran feels comfortable and at ease with them. He thinks back to his first few awkward meals with his brother and fiancé, and how he felt excluded and burdensome on them. But the atmosphere around them has changed significantly, and Saeran can feel himself feeling at home in this place. He opened up to them slowly over time, and let their relationship transform and blossom as a result. 

Yet there’s still a sense that this is delicate, and new. He has to tread carefully, watch his tongue, make sure to reply appropriately lest he upset MC or Saeyoung. He can see his wretched past, as though it’s a shadow in the room, reminding them constantly of the way things were. No one wants things to go back to that dark path, and so they hold each other’s hands and hang on the handrails of the good path, the shadow figure behind them serving as a warning. 

Sometimes, Saeran feels like he’s hanging delicately between the hollowed past and his questionable future. Can things really stay like this, with the three of them happy and laughing around the dinner table for long? Is this way of life something that Saeran can start to see as normal, as usual? Everything in his life up until this point was a void – no love, no laughter, no hope – just hatred and nothingness. His fear is exacerbated when he thinks about the stark difference from then and now. He must focus on the present, and let those memories fade.  
But memories are imprinted into one’s brain, etched like a needle against wood, never to be erased. No matter what he does, it will always be a part of him, always be there in the shadows, lurking and ready to pounce – that anxiety, and fear and hopelessness will always threaten to take over in moments like these. 

Saeran knows what it’s like to feel broken. He is learning that there may not be a way to fix it, either. He can grow around the broken areas, fill up the spaces with better people and better moments. He is like a tree, letting his roots grow and molding himself through the gaps to make his life better. But that brokenness will still be there, no matter how his roots branch out and take form. 

…………

“Alright, are you sure you’re ready?” Yoosung asks again, worry present in his voice. Saeran nods, and looks ahead at the sidewalk. He’s about to attempt riding his bike to the end of the sidewalk, and then stop. Yoosung gave him more pointers today and he feels confident enough to venture out in a straight line and then back. 

Saeran pedals forward, looking straight ahead this time and not back at Yoosung. Yoosung holds onto his seat and keeps him steady for a minute. “Okay, let go,” Saeran instructs. Yoosung does so, hanging back but close enough to try and catch him should he fall. Saeran keeps the bike in motion, moving like a turtle but moving nonetheless. He reaches the end of the sidewalk in once piece and stops, just the way Yoosung taught him. 

Yoosung catches up and beams at him, “I knew you could do it!”

“Well, I have a great teacher,” Saeran responds, looking at Yoosung gratefully. 

“Hehe, I’m glad I’m teaching you this! Let’s have you try coming back again, and this time without me holding onto the bike!” Yoosung says. 

Saeran practices riding the bike back and forth on the sidewalk for a bit, getting used to the feel and finding his own balance. Before long, he picks up his speed and then practices doing some turns. He gets the hang of the bicycle a lot quicker this time, listening intently to anything Yoosung has to tell him. 

After a successful couple of hours of bike riding, the two head back to Saeran’s house for a drink, Yoosung chattering away all the while. 

“So, I finally finished that biology project, and there’s already a test coming up next week! I can never have a break,” he complains.

They enter the house and Saeran starts poking around the fridge for a cool drink, “Well, like I said, I can help you study.”

“Would you really?!” Yoosung asks, perking up.

“Yeah, you taught me how to ride a bike, it’s the least I can do. Here,” he tosses a can of root beer to Yoosung, who expertly catches it.

He goes to sit next to the blonde at the kitchen table, popping open a can for himself. “I helped you because I wanted to, not because I wanted some reward,” Yoosung tells him genuinely, struggling to open his soda can. He finally pops the tab, and is shocked when the liquid fizzes out onto his face, “Ah!” 

“Oh no!” Saeran watches as half the liquid gushes out onto Yoosung’s hair and clothes. He must have accidentally shaken it when throwing it to Yoosung. “Ah, I’m sorry! I didn’t realize I shook the can.”

Yoosung blinks after the can stops spurting and then bursts out laughing. Saeran finds this response odd – why isn’t he angry? But Yoosung’s laughter is contagious, and he too starts chuckling. “Oh man, I haven’t had that happen in ages,” Yoosung says, still full of mirth, “I can’t believe it.”

“Yeah, I guess it is kinda funny,” Saeran chuckles and then goes to get a towel to help Yoosung dry off. 

Yoosung gets up and looks down at his shirt, which is covered in the sticky substance. “Ah, it’s all over my shirt, let me just take this off.” Yoosung pulls the shirt off over his head and Saeran has to hold back a noise.

Yoosung’s body is skinny, as expected, but Saeran was unprepared to discover that Yoosung has a nicely toned abdomen and arms, as well as smooth blemish free skin and rose colored nipples. He stares agape at the eye candy before him, urging his brain to operate normally. He is rooted on the spot, Yoosung’s body is petite yet perfect in every way, and he has a burning desire to touch him all over. Yet he still can’t move, can’t think, can’t function. 

“Huh, what is it?” Yoosung asks, noting Saeran’s open mouthed stare. “Did I get some root beer on my face?” he pats his cheeks to inspect, and Saeran forces himself out of his daze. He averts his eyes and blushes fiercely, hurrying to find a towel and an extra shirt to cover Yoosung with. Hell, he needs to find the largest shirt he owns. 

Saeran’s heart is pounding hard and he can hear the rush of blood against his eardrums. He always found Yoosung to be attractive, but now he realizes that it’s more than just that – he has a crush on Yoosung, and he can’t ignore these feelings any longer. 

Ah damn, what is he going to do?

/////////////

Yoosung thinks back to his earlier encounter with Saeran from today. He’s home now, taking a break from studying, his mind clouded with thoughts of Saeran. Saeran finally learned how to ride a bike, and they made plans for tomorrow, so that Yoosung could study with Saeran. 

Yoosung is grateful that he decided to go out on a limb and talk to the redhead a few days ago. He’s enjoyed Saeran’s company so far, and is only intrigued by Saeran’s mannerisms and behavior. Saeran had freaked out a bit when he spilled root beer on himself earlier, but he didn’t understand why. 

He checks his phone and finds that he has a message from Saeyoung: Hey there Yoosung! You’ve been spending a lot of time with Saeran, huh? Don’t forget about me : (

Yoosung rolls his eyes and replies: I haven’t forgotten about you, you just seem to be quite busy lately. Let’s all hang out sometime soon! ^^

He’s surprised when Saeyoung quickly responds: okay! I was joking, I don’t mind you and my brother having some alone time together ;)

Yoosung’s heart leaps to his throat at that winky face and comment: What exactly do you mean by that Saeyoung??!

Saeyoung: Ah, just speculation. Do you like my brother?

Yoosung: Yes, he’s a lot of fun to hang around with.

Saeyoung: Yoosung…I mean, do you like him?

Yoosung’s heartbeat quickens at the question, and he doesn’t understand why he feels so flushed and defensive. He types a response back: I like women.

Saeyoung: You still didn’t answer my question.

Yoosung feels like hurling his phone across the room, but he takes a deep breath. Why is Saeyoung pestering him like this? He feels panicked somehow, and his lungs are tight. What does he feel towards Saeran? He never paused to think about it before now. 

He thinks about Saeran’s choker necklace, resting upon his snow white neck. He thinks about Saeran’s bright auburn hair, which billows softly in the breeze when he rides his bike. He thinks about the warm energy that flows through Saeran when he laughs – and how rare those laughs are, and how Yoosung feels so happy just to hear that laugh. 

He thinks about his unnatural obsession with Saeran lately, how he’s been staying up late checking the chatrooms and messenger just to see if Saeran is on. He’s been replaying their conversations from earlier today in his mind, and thinking about how to get Saeran to open up to him more. He’s been thinking mostly about the way Saeran looks at him – especially the way his eyes hungrily raked his body when he took off his shirt earlier.

And it all hits Yoosung like a train – he likes Saeran, he has a hopeless, obsessive crush on him. Heat rises to his cheeks, splotching on his face and he begins to make whale like groans and noises. He’s grateful to be living alone, any roommate would surely have kicked him out by now from all the unnecessary noises he makes on a daily basis. Yoosung looks back at the phone, with his heart clenched, and he has no idea what to say to Saeyoung.

Saeyoung is his closest friend, so he should just be honest with him…but being honest would mean admitting something that he isn’t even sure he wants to admit to himself. He’s bisexual – clearly, he was attracted to the boyfriend of the redheaded girl in class, and he now has a crush on Saeran. But no one else knows this, and he’s suddenly scared of how others will react. 

After ruminating about it for some time, he decides that he has to tell at least one person. But messaging about it doesn’t seem like the right outlet – so he dials Saeyoung, his throat feeling sticky and dry.

Luckily, Saeyoung answers, and his cheerful voice pops out over the phone, “Hello Yoosung! I’m surprised you called, you aren’t mad right? You know I was half joking!”

“Um…hehe…well, Saeyoung,” Yoosung swallows, not sure why his hands are trembling so much, “I think you might be on to something…I thought I should call you, and talk this through with someone.”

“Wait,” Yoosung can practically hear Saeyoung shaking his head with disbelief, “Are you saying that you really do like my brother?”

“I-I think so,” Yoosung says, feeling the knot in his throat loosen a bit at admitting the truth out loud, “Actually, yes. I do.”

There’s a tense silence on the line for a minute, and Yoosung regrets saying this for a split second, worried that Saeyoung is going to judge him, when Saeyoung finally says, “That’s great Yoosung. I think you should go for it.”

“Wh-what? You aren’t upset with me?” Yoosung splutters.

“Why would I be upset? You aren’t planning on breaking his heart, are you? Because if you do that, then I sure as hell will be upset with you,” Saeyoung warns. 

“I –ah- no,” Yoosung’s body heats up again, just the thought of actually dating Saeran is too much for him to handle right now, “Aren’t you shocked though? I mean…I just found out that I’m bisexual…I didn’t even know that about myself.”

Saeyoung sighs and chuckles, “Yoosung, I always had my suspicions that you might not be totally straight. I guess you never realized it.”

“How would you know something like that?” Yoosung wonders.

“Hm, how do I explain? It’s your friendliness and bubbly personality, you easily get along with anyone, and you have such a delicate heart, you let personal matters really affect you…I guess I’m rambling on, I suppose none of that has anything to do with sexuality. Somehow I just had an inkling, an idea that you weren’t straight…I have my suspicions about Zen and Jumin too, if you want to know the truth,” Saeyoung rambles. 

“Saeyoung,” Yoosung breathes, reminding him to stay on topic.

“Oh, sorry!” Saeyoung says, laughing, “anyways, I’m glad you’re telling me this. I think it’s cute that you like Saeran. Saeran has really been enjoying spending time with you lately.”

“Really?” Yoosung’s heart flutters at that comment. “Well, anyways, can you please promise to keep this secret between us?”

“Which part? Your crush on my twin brother or the fact that you’re bi?” Saeyoung asks playfully.

“Both! God you’re so annoying sometimes,” Yoosung sighs, trying to calm himself down. Saeyoung didn’t judge him, but accepted his revelation easily. He does feel much better, but he’s still coming to grips with this news on his own. “I’m not ready to tell anyone else about this yet.”

“I understand completely,” Saeyoung says, making his promise not to tell anyone. 

“Thank you Saeyoung…and I really do miss hanging out with you, you know?” Yoosung adds in, feeling a little bad for spending all his time with Saeran recently and not Saeyoung.

“I miss you too buddy, want to come by tomorrow?”

“I already am coming by…to see Saeran and study,” Yoosung admits.

“Study eh? Is that what you two are calling it?” Saeyoung teases.

“Shut up! I really do have to study!” Yoosung cries out, embarrassed. “But after I study with Saeran, I can play some video games with you, maybe?”

“Sounds like a great idea, see you tomorrow! And don’t worry, mum’s the word!” Saeyoung says before giving a farewell. 

Yoosung puts the phone down and groans. He isn’t sure how he should be feeling, his insides are squirming with a mixture of excitement and thrill and panic all at once. Thinking about Saeran makes him feel light and fluttery, and he wonders how he’s going to maintain his friendship with him without revealing his crush.

Tomorrow sure is going to be interesting.


	4. Miscommunication

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yoosung is a nervous wreck around his crush, and Saeran gets the wrong idea.

Jaehee: Hello Saeran!  
Saeran: Hey there Jaehee, how are you?  
Jaehee: *sigh* I’ve been taking care of Elizabeth the 3rd for a day now. I am exhausted. I wish Jumin could find another cat sitter while he’s away on business trips.  
Saeran: Oh, I didn’t realize he was away.  
Jaehee: It was an emergency meeting. He’ll be back tonight. I can’t wait.  
Saeran: I’m sure Saeyoung and I could look after Elizabeth the 3rd the next time.  
Jaehee: Yes, that might be good. Jumin never trusted Saeyoung alone with Elizabeth, but I believe circumstances are different with you and MC there now.   
Jaehee: I do hope we can all see each other soon, perhaps for another party?  
Saeran: Yes, MC and Saeyoung are talking about hosting one soon. I just hope they can handle it along with planning for their wedding.  
Jaehee: Well, MC wouldn’t have to set it all up herself this time. I’m sure Jumin and I can lend a hand.  
Saeran: That would be helpful.  
Jaehee: So are we really having another fundraising party? :)  
Saeran: I don’t know yet…let’s wait to see what Saeyoung and MC say. I can ask them soon.   
Jaehee: Great ^^  
Jaehee: Alright, I have to go. It’s time to feed Elizabeth, and then I have to designate 10 minutes of play time with her. Talk to you soon.  
Saeran: Okay, bye!

Saeran exits the chatroom, his distraction as he waits around for Yoosung. Yoosung is running late, which is very unlike him. 

He twiddles with his pencil and drums his fingers on the table impatiently until he hears the doorbell. He bounds to the door, perhaps too eagerly. He takes a deep breath to relax himself before answering the door.

Yoosung smiles widely at him on the other side, and he’s looking extremely adorable today. He has a button up shirt and nice jeans, nicer than one would expect for someone coming over to simply study. Saeran inhales, and is met with a delightful smell of something musky – is Yoosung wearing cologne? 

Saeran lets Yoosung in, his head a little dizzy from the intoxicating smell and dapper appearance. He has his backpack slung over his back and he says, “So, uh, shall we get started?” his voice is unnaturally high pitched, and Saeran detects a hint of nervousness. But why would Yoosung be nervous?

“Sure,” Saeran responds, showing him to the table. 

Yoosung opens his backpack up with a slight tremble, and his eyes keep shifting up from Saeran back down to his backpack. Perplexed, Saeran watches as he pulls out a random assortment of textbooks, notes and papers. “So, how can I help you with this? Should I quiz you?”

“Oh –um- yes,” Yoosung says distractedly, looking down at his pencil. Saeran truly has no idea why he’s acting so odd, but he tries to shrug it off. He grabs some flashcards and sits down with Yoosung, beginning to go through them. 

/////////

Yoosung has been here for an hour now, and he still can’t seem to calm his nerves. Saeran is flipping through his flashcards and quizzing him, but he’s stumbling over his responses, embarrassing himself in the process. He simply can’t act natural around his crush – all he wants is to reach out and hold Saeran’s hand, which rests motionless across the table, only a few inches away. 

But Yoosung has no idea how Saeran would react to such an advance, so he simply stares at Saeran’s hand, trying to find a sign…

“Yoosung?”

“Hm?” Yoosung snaps his head back up to lock eyes with Saeran, and he gulps loudly. Those piercing mint green eyes are staring into him with worry, and question. Yoosung blushes and looks away.

“Are you okay?” Saeran asks, scooting his chair closer to Yoosung. Saeran reaches out to touch Yoosung’s shoulder, but Yoosung instantly flinches away and stands up abruptly.

“Oh! I’m fine! Um, I just need some water, maybe?” he asks, fumbling with the hem of his shirt. 

Saeran wears a vexed expression, but he stands up nonetheless and grabs Yoosung a glass of water. Yoosung downs the drink, his mouth is parched. He’s been staring agape for the last hour at Saeran, looking away quickly to avoid Saeran’s questionable glances. 

“Do you want to take a break?” Saeran suggests, “maybe we can go for a bike ride or something?”

“Oh,” Yoosung ponders this, and his mind drifts to thoughts of Saeran riding a bicycle, his red hair blowing tantalizingly in the wind, his cheerful smile piercing through Yoosung’s chest – he can’t possibly ride a bike with Saeran, not when he’s already feeling this flushed. He wonders how long he can keep this crush a secret without imploding. He sighs and says, “I’d rather keep studying…Saeyoung and I are going to play video games later.”

“Oh okay,” Saeran lowers his head and sits down, looking rather glum. 

“I mean, you can play video games with us too, of course, if you want,” Yoosung rambles out frantically, catching on to Saeran’s dejected mood. 

Saeran’s spirits lift slightly, “Okay, well, let’s work hard then to finish your studies!”

Yoosung grabs his glass of water to take a sip and hide his blush, realizing too late that it’s empty – he looks like an idiot trying to take a drink from an empty glass. All he wants at that moment is to leave the Choi household and bury himself under a rock to end this torment. 

///////////////

Yoosung is certainly acting strange today, and it’s causing knots of doubt to form in Saeran’s stomach. Yoosung is jumpy at best, and erratic and frantic with his movements and speech the rest of the time. It’s as if he doesn’t want to be here – as though he doesn’t want to be around Saeran. 

Saeran feels a sense of utter dejection pool in his stomach. He tries his best to ignore it, perhaps Yoosung is simply stressed over his studies?

But Yoosung continues to act odd while he plays video games with him and his brother later. Yoosung made a clear point to sit by Saeyoung, and so Saeran sits at the end of the couch, mashing the buttons mindlessly and glancing over at Yoosung, trying to read him. 

The last time he played video games with the blonde, he was at the edge of his seat, watching the screen with eager and excited eyes, he couldn’t be bothered to take his attention away from the game. But today he is different – his focus is elsewhere, he’s distracted by something. He is pushing down on the controller frantically and Saeyoung keeps laughing at him, as he’s the victorious one in the game by a long shot today. 

“Jeez Yoosung, you’re not playing your best today, are you?” Saeyoung asks playfully.

“Shut up,” Yoosung mutters.

“You guys down to play another round? What do you say Saeran, want to watch me kick Yoosung’s ass again?” Saeyoung asks. 

Saeran lets out a small chuckle, “sure, we can play again.”

“Actually,” Yoosung stands up quite suddenly, “I really think I should go.”

“You’re leaving so soon?” Saeyoung asks with disbelief. “But you love this game.”

“Yeah, but I have um,” Yoosung’s eyes shift over to Saeran and then he jerks his head back to the door quickly, “I have to call my mother.”

“Oh,” Saeyoung finds this odd but just shrugs his shoulders, “okay mama’s boy.”

“Shut up,” Yoosung mutters again, nudging Saeyoung playfully aside. He gazes at Saeran for a split second, makes eye contact, and then immediately turns his back to them. “I’ll see you all another time.”

“Okay,” Saeran’s shoulders slump, and he lets the controller slide to the floor

Yoosung hurries out of the house like someone is chasing him, not looking back at either Choi brother. 

Saeran instantly turns to Saeyoung, “Um, why is Yoosung acting so weird?”

“Weird? Is he acting weird? I didn’t think so,” Saeyoung laughs lightheartedly and rubs his red hair suspiciously. 

Saeran narrows his eyes, “now you’re acting weird. C’mon, don’t tell me you didn’t notice…he was really weird.”

“He must be really nervous for that test or something then,” Saeyoung shrugs his shoulders, letting the matter go, “don’t worry about it.”

But Saeran is worried – and he can’t hide a look of concern from his face. Saeyoung smirks knowingly, “Oh, I see what’s going on here. You have a little crush on Yoosung, don’t you?”

Saeran startles, but doesn’t say anything. How can he respond? He simply looks away, trying to hide his flustered appearance. “I knew it,” Saeyoung says, confirming his thoughts. 

“Not like it matters,” Saeran looks down at his fingernails, chipping some black nail polish off, “He’s straight.”

“Huh, yeah, okay,” Saeyoung stirs in his chair and then gets up. He’s still acting a little off, as though he knows something that Saeran doesn’t.

Saeran watches him with wariness as he scuffles into the kitchen for a Dr. Pepper, changing the subject and asking Saeran what he’d like to do tonight. Saeran entertains him, but thoughts of Yoosung scratch the back of his mind like a plague – what was with Yoosung’s shifty and nervous glances today? Why did he leave so soon? Did Saeran do something to upset him?

Saeran decides to turn in early after chatting with Saeyoung for a bit. He simply can’t put on a false smile tonight, he feels like his mind is drowning with doubt. 

Once in his room, he lets the wall of fears hit him full force – he lays wretched against the sheets, wondering if he should text Yoosung or not. Usually Yoosung messages him after they hang out, even if just to say that he had a great time. But his phone remains silent, no unread messages to view. 

Saeran groans and eventually falls into an uneasy sleep. 

///////////

“I’m such an idiot,” Yoosung mutters under his breath to no one in particular. He pounds his fingers furiously into the keyboard, typing the last remaining paragraph of his essay but not really focused. He acted like a fool in front of Saeran today, and he scrambled out of the house with a lame excuse. 

He wonders idly what Saeran thinks of him. If he ever had any chance of dating the guy, he probably threw all his hopes out the window by blubbering around like a lost and scared child at his house. Saeran probably thinks he’s a freak. 

Yoosung shuts off his computer and sighs, thinking he should simply text Saeran. But what would he say? “Hey Saeran, sorry I was an ass today? I just couldn’t stop thinking about your lips and your cute smile” – yeah right. That won’t work. 

Yoosung grumbles in silent anger directed towards Saeyoung. If Saeyoung had never asked him if he liked Saeran, then he wouldn’t be in this predicament. He could still be blissfully ignorant of his feelings, and able to talk to Saeran like a normal person.

……….

The next morning, Yoosung rushes to get out the door. He accidentally forgot to set up his alarm, so he got off to a bad start, and wasn’t able to check his messages. 

He makes it to his biology class with just enough time to catch his breath and check his phone. He is surprised to see a text from Saeran: Good luck on your exam today!

Yoosung’s heart flips and he instantly smiles. He is quick to reply before turning off his phone for the class. He tells Saeran: Thanks! And thanks again for helping me study! :)

/////////////

Saeran’s heart soars when he sees Yoosung’s instant reply with a smiley face. He quickly taps on his phone, asking Yoosung if he’d like to come over after his exam. 

Oh boy, he has it bad for this guy. His heart is a thrum of drumbeats against his ear, and he has to sit down to relax his tensing muscles. Is he being too forward? What if Yoosung doesn’t have any desire to see him so often?

//////////

Yoosung stretches his cramped limbs once his exam is over. He feels confident that he aced the test, despite his distracted study session yesterday. He turns on his phone, and his heart is in his mouth when he sees Saeran’s text message – Saeran wants to see him today, right now. 

Yoosung can’t bear another mortifying encounter with Saeran, trying and failing to look calm and cool. He has to blow him off, at least until he can straighten his crushed mind out. He feels a twinge of pity as he types his response, but he knows it’s for the best. 

///////////

Yoosung said no – he rejected him, once again. Saeran feels a knife twist around his heart, and he isn’t sure why he is so damaged by this – it’s not like he expected anything from Yoosung anyways, right? Yoosung is straight. Yoosung is a busy college student, and he has a valid excuse – he has to finish his report. 

Yet there’s this misery that plants itself inside Saeran, feeding his anxiety and depression. That voice in his head starts to speak up again, telling him that he isn’t worthy of Yoosung’s friendship. That voice is like a constant shadow, always there whispering doubts into Saeran’s mind. It starts to get louder and louder, and Saeran covers up his head with his pillow, trying to drown out the noise. 

It isn’t helping – and before he knows what’s happening, a pair of gentle arms are wrapping around him, and he looks up to see his mirror image looking at him with concern. “Saeran, what’s wrong?” Saeyoung inquires. 

There’s no point hiding it – Saeyoung can always tell if he’s lying about these matters. “Yoosung…he’s blowing me off. And he was acting shifty yesterday. I don’t think he likes me…not even as a friend. I’m not sure what I did to upset him.” 

Saeyoung is taken aback by this news, “Yoosung doesn’t dislike you, I can tell you that much for certain.”

Saeran stares at his brother with disbelief, “How the hell would you know?”

“I just…I think maybe you should just tell Yoosung how you feel. If you’re honest with him, you’d be surprised what you may learn,” Saeyoung advices. 

Saeran snorts derisively, “Yeah right. Let me just tell the straight kid that I have a gay crush on him…that’ll work wonders.”

Saeyoung bites his bottom lip in contemplation. Again, Saeran gets this feeling that Saeyoung is keeping something from him. “I know it doesn’t sound like a great plan…hm. Let me talk to Yoosung then.”

“What are you gonna say?” panic rises through Saeran. He knows his brother can be quirky and might let slip that he has a crush on the blonde. 

“Don’t worry,” Saeyoung says, “your secret is safe with me. I’ll simply ask him to stop being so aloof and to explain himself better. Maybe he has something on his mind. I’ll figure it out. I’ll put God 707 to the task.” He winks at Saeran and then squeezes him once more before exiting the room. 

Saeran sighs and lays himself on his bed, disconsolate and unsure if Saeyoung’s plan will work…

//////////

Yoosung is opening the door to his apartment when he hears his phone ring. He’s perplexed to see Saeyoung calling him, but he answers nonetheless, “Hello?”

“Yoosung, you need to tell Saeran how you feel,” Saeyoung says out of the blue. 

Yoosung stumbles over his threshold into the house, “Ah! What the hell!?”

“He’s currently upset in bed because you’re blowing him off. He thinks you don’t like him,” Saeyoung says. 

“What! No! I didn’t mean to upset him!” Dread spreads throughout Yoosung. 

“Yeah, what happened to you yesterday? You couldn’t even make eye contact with him,” Saeyoung points out. 

“I was nervous! I’ve never been with anyone before, I didn’t want to ruin our friendship by having him find out I like him! Ugh,” Yoosung starts pacing through his apartment, “I was thinking too much about how to act calm, and I did the total opposite.”

“Yeah haha,” Saeyoung laughs shamelessly, “you couldn’t even play video games properly. He thinks you don’t like him.”

“Oh no oh no oh no!” Yoosung is fretting, rambling on with worry, “What do I do? If I admit I have a crush on him, he might not want to hang out with me anymore! But if I can’t act normal around him, then he’ll think I hate him. Oh no oh no.”

“Just be honest with him, somehow, I think that might work best in your favor,” Saeyoung says.

Yoosung keeps worrying, “Oh no, oh no.”

“Be honest, listen to God 707,” Saeyoung tells him.

“This is no time to joke,” Yoosung sighs heavily, “Fine. I’ll come over later today or tomorrow…and I’ll see what happens.”

“See what happens?”

“If I can relax and act like myself, then that would be great…if Saeran still thinks I don’t like him, then I’ll be honest with him,” Yoosung decides

“Sounds like a plan,” Saeyoung agrees. 

Yoosung sighs as he hangs up, feeling overwhelmed and distressed. He had no idea he was causing such turmoil for Saeran…but admitting the truth might only make things worse…  
He’s too anxious to simply sit still on this matter for now, so he decides to go to the Choi household now. He’ll get this over quick, like pulling a band-aid off a wound. 

He simply hopes he and Saeran can still be friends after his confession.


	5. Confessions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yoosung is finally honest with his feelings to Saeran.

Saeran shuffles his feet to answer the door. Saeyoung and MC disappeared a while back in their room, and he doesn’t want to interrupt whatever they might be doing, so he takes it upon himself to see who keeps knocking frantically.

His heart lurches forward when he sees Yoosung standing on the other side of the doorway, the last person he expected to find. “Yoosung!” Saeran clears his throat, his voice sounded unnaturally high pitched, “I thought you were busy?”

“I was um, but, I’m taking a break. I thought I might surprise you,” Yoosung says with a smile, although his eyes still aren’t exactly making contact with Saeran’s. 

“Okay,” Saeran steps aside, “come on in then.”

“Is Saeyoung here?” Yoosung asks, looking around the place with an apprehensive look.

“He and MC are uh” Saeran pauses, not sure what to say, “they’re preoccupied at the moment.”

“Oh,” Yoosung blushes furiously. He fidgets on the spot, looking down at his feet.

“Did you come to see them? I mean…I could knock on – ”

“No no!” Yoosung waves his hands in front of his face, looking mortified at the idea, “I came to hang out with you, um, if that’s okay!”

Saeran’s spirits lift immediately, and he feels a weight release from his shoulders. “Of course that’s okay.”

…………

Yoosung and Saeran spend some time going for a bike ride. Since Saeran mastered the skill, they take their bikes out for a venture through the neighborhood, enjoying the nice weather, but not saying too much. Saeran gets the feeling that there’s still something off about Yoosung, but he’s glad to be spending time with him like normal again. 

They return back to his house after an hour or so, and Saeran asks, “do you want to come in for a drink? Maybe I can make you something to eat if you’re hungry?”

“Oh,” Yoosung seems slightly taken aback by this normal question, and his cheeks redden. “I’d like that, yeah.”

“Alright,” Saeran leads the way into the house, finding Saeyoung and MC cuddling up on the couch, both eating a big bag of Honey Buddha Chips. 

“Hey guys,” Saeyoung says in greeting, “did you make up?”

“Uh,” Yoosung’s eyes shift from Saeyoung to Saeran with slight annoyance. 

“What do you mean?” Saeran poses, “everything’s cool.”

Saeyoung rolls his eyes at them and then gets back to MC, whispering something in her ear and making her laugh. Saeran doesn’t understand what’s going on – and he’s beginning to feel irritated by it. 

“Anyways,” Saeran heads into the kitchen with Yoosung. “What would you like to drink?”

“Just some water would be good, thanks,” Yoosung says with a smile. 

Saeran hands him a glass and then grabs a juice for himself. He leans against the counter and takes a few sips, studying Yoosung’s actions closely. Yoosung is glancing back at him, but carefully so, his eyes roaming over Saeran slow and delicate. 

Something clicks in the back of Saeran’s mind, but he can’t be sure of his hypothesis.

So he decides to test the waters. 

He reaches a hand out with the intention to grab Yoosung’s shoulder, just as a light pat, but Yoosung instantly flinches away and spills some of his water on the floor. He yelps in surprise, “ah! Oh! I spilled water! I’m sorry!” he scurries farther away from Saeran to grab some towels, and Saeran starts to think that his hypothesis is actually false – Yoosung was quick to move away from him, there’s no way he could be crushing on him. 

Saeran slumps out of the kitchen, feeling glum again. Yoosung follows him out after wiping up his spill, “Sorry again about that!”

“It’s fine,” Saeran says with ice in his voice.

“Um, what do you want to do now?” Yoosung asks, worry in his voice.

“Listen Yoosung, if you wanted to come over and see Saeyoung, that’s fine. You can be honest with me. If you don’t like hanging out with me, you can just tell me,” Saeran says, cutting through the bullshit. All eyes turn on him, Saeyoung and MC don’t even pretend to be listening to the TV. Their eyes are wide with horror. 

Yoosung’s looks panicked, and a flush runs up his skin, “No, that’s not it at all!”

“If you want me to leave you alone, I will,” Saeran cuts through, opening the front door, feeling the need to escape. 

He hurries out the door, slamming it behind him, not looking back. Tears sting the back of his eyes, but he holds them back – he was probably too harsh, too honest with his feelings and doubts. But that tiny voice was loud in his head, ringing like a bell the moment Yoosung flinched away from him, and he couldn’t ignore it this time. 

He makes for the backyard, intending to lay in the grass and look up at the sky until he calms his racing heart again. But he hears a voice call out to him, and he turns to see Yoosung rushing up to him. 

“Saeran wait!” he cries.

“I’m waiting,” Saeran replies, cursing himself for sounding so harsh. He can see a flash of pain flicker in Yoosung’s eyes.

“Listen,” Yoosung clears his voice and starts again, sounding stronger this time, “I’m sorry I’ve been acting weird.”

“If it’s because you don’t like me, just tell me. I’ll understand,” Saeran says. There’s a lump in his throat and he tries to swallow it down, but it doesn’t budge. His eyes are prickling and he forces himself not to cry, to hold it in. 

Yoosung shakes his head and looks back at Saeran with a blush, “It’s the total opposite actually. I-I,” he swallows and tries again, “I have a big crush on you…and when I realized that, I couldn’t act like myself anymore, I became a mess…and I guess you thought that I didn’t like you. But I was trying to avoid you to sort out my own feelings…and I never meant to make you upset!” 

Saeran’s heart soars through the roof at this confession, and he feels dizzy with delight. How is this even possible? His earlier hypothesis was correct – his theory that Yoosung might like him is valid. He doesn’t know what to say, can’t form the words to express his own mutual feelings for Yoosung.

So he takes action instead.

He cusps Yoosung’s chin between his forefinger and thumb, pulling his face upwards towards him. He leans forward and kisses Yoosung, right on the lips. The floor seems to vanish beneath him as he kisses Yoosung innocently, his lips soft and malleable and absolutely exquisite. His mind is a thrum of insane heartbeats and he parts with his eyelids hooded, looking at every detail of Yoosung’s precious face. 

Yoosung looks like he’s malfunctioning – he stutters a few times and flutters his eyelashes at Saeran, gasping for air and words that won’t come. Finally, he speaks, “You – you?” is all he can choke out. 

“I like you too, yes,” Saeran explains, catching on to his unformulated question. He finds Yoosung’s flustered appearance completely adorable, now that he understands the reason. 

Yoosung moves closer to Saeran, hesitantly, as though this is a dream. Saeran is nervous too, but he reaches his hands out and grasps Yoosung’s in his, interlocking their fingers together. He wants to kiss Yoosung again, but he catches something out of the corner of his eye that makes him pause.

He turns to see Saeyoung and MC both staring out the window of the house wide-eyed and with silly grins. They instantly duck for cover, but Saeran knows better than to trust that they’ll stay out of sight. Yoosung follows Saeran’s gaze and spots Saeyoung’s red hair a split second before it vanishes from the window. 

“Oh my god, they were spying on us!” Yoosung buries his face in his hands, completely abashed. 

“I guess we can’t exactly keep this a secret huh?” Saeran asks, cursing his brother silently. Why won’t he ever give him a moment of privacy?

“Well, um, Saeyoung already knows I like you…he’s the one that made me realize my feelings for you hehe,” Yoosung laughs awkwardly, and Saeran feels a twist in his heart. That laughter is so damn cute. 

“Really?” Saeran side glances towards the house again, seeing another flash of red in the window, “he asked me if I like you too…seems like he set us up, in a way.”

“I should’ve known,” Yoosung shakes his head, “He urged me to come here and apologize to you and be honest with my feelings, I was just so scared you might not like me…but I’m glad I told you now.”

“Hey,” Saeran squeezes Yoosung’s hands, “let’s promise to be honest to each other from now on then, okay? That way we can avoid these miscommunications.” 

“That sounds like a perfect idea,” Yoosung smiles warmly, and Saeran moves in closer, wanting to kiss the bridge of his nose, but thinking better of it with the peeping eyes in the house. 

“Let me take you out on a date Yoosung,” Saeran says, smoothing his thumb over Yoosung’s hands. 

“That sounds wonderful…um…I have to admit though, I’m still really new to this,” Yoosung bites his bottom lip.

“Me too,” Saeran says, although he thinks this is probably pretty obvious. “I’ve been in a cult for several years, I had no time for dating.” He says it jokingly, so Yoosung laughs, relieving some tension. 

“Well, yeah, I’ve never dated anyone either. So I’m a little relieved we are new to this together…but I also haven’t told many that I’m bisexual…I only just realized it, when I found out I liked you,” Yoosung admits, “so if possible, can we keep this on the down low for the time being? Saeyoung and MC are the only ones who know.”

“Sure,” Saeran lifts up Yoosung’s hand and kisses his knuckles gently, not caring about his brother and his fiancé freaking out in the house over this gesture. “We can keep things a secret for as long as you need Yoosung.”

Yoosung nearly has tears in his eyes, he sighs in relief, “thank you for understanding.”

“Of course,” Saeran gets that urge to kiss him again, and he has to get out of the staring eyes of his brother, “Let’s go back inside, and tell Saeyoung off for being a peeper, shall we?”

“Hehe,” Yoosung chuckles, “Sure.”

They walk hand in hand into the house, Saeran feeling like he’s walking on clouds. 

//////////

“You guys were looking pretty comfy out there,” Saeyoung raises his eyebrows up suggestively as they walk in the house, not even trying to pretend like he wasn’t spying on them. 

Saeran picks up a pillow from the couch and tosses it at his brother, “don’t spy on us you creep.”

MC blushes behind him, “Sorry guys, we were just worried.”

Yoosung is still feeling overwhelmed and that kiss replays over and over in his mind, rendering him speechless and immobile for the time being. He takes a cautious seat on the couch and Saeran stands behind him, resting his arms on the back of the couch, eyes still planted firmly on his brother. “Anyways,” his voice signifies that they change the conversation, “Everyone in RFA is on pins and needles waiting for you two to decide if there will be another party.”

“Ah, that,” Saeyoung glances over to his fiancé. 

MC clears her throat, “We think it’s a good idea. Would you mind much if we hosted a party here Saeran?”

“Not at all,” Saeran says, and Yoosung jolts slightly when he feels Saeran’s hand raking through his blonde hair. “When are you guys hosting the party?”

“Probably in a month from now, I need to contact all the guests from the last one and think of some more to invite. I’ll go ahead and inform everyone on the messenger,” MC says enthusiastically, getting up from Saeyoung’s grasp and bounding towards their room. 

Saeyoung takes a look at his brother toying with Yoosung’s hair and smirks knowingly, “I’ll leave you two alone, I should help her with the preparations for the party anyways.”

Yoosung feels his skin crawl with heat again and his heart beats maddeningly against his chest. He wants to speak, but his throat is thick and his head is a blank slate with Saeran’s fingers raking delicately through his tresses. 

Saeran is silent as Saeyoung follows MC out of the room, and then he looks down at Yoosung, “I’m still in shock,” he says. Yoosung is grateful to find that he’s not the only one blushing in this situation.

“Me too,” Yoosung admits. “And…I like it when you play with my hair, it feels good.” He hums and closes his eyes for a moment, letting Saeran twirl his blonde strands between his fingers.

“I can’t wait to find out all the other things I can to do you that you’ll like,” Saeran states. 

Yoosung’s heart leaps out of his chest and he yelps in surprise. He clasps his hand over his mouth, surprised that he let that little chirp of noise out voluntarily. He’s mortified. 

But Saeran simply giggles behind him, “Yoosung, how are you so cute?”

“I’m not really,” Yoosung says, “I-I make some weird noises sometimes.”

“I like it,” Saeran admits. He suddenly stops combing through Yoosung’s hair and goes to sit beside him. Yoosung is in a dizzy world, spinning beside his crush, unable to form a proper thought or sentence. 

“So, Yoosung,” Saeran takes his hand, and Yoosung looks up at him, noting the tension knitting in his brow, “You really…you really meant it when you said you like me?”

“Yes,” Yoosung replies, not hesitating for a moment, “why are you doubting it now?”

“I just…I have a lot of anxieties still…after everything,” Saeran’s voice becomes small and fragile, “I want you to be prepared for what it will be like being with me…I’m still recovering, and still figuring out who I am.”

“I know,” Yoosung squeezes his hand back, “that’s part of what I like about you – you’re so strong, it’s like you were reborn and now you’re starting a new life, and somehow, I want to be a part of that life.”

Saeran whips his face around to stare at Yoosung straight in the eye, as though he’s testing him to make sure he’s telling the truth. A tear rolls down his cheek and Yoosung feels his heart sadden, “don’t cry Saeran…I like you, I want to help you in any way I can.”

Saeran lifts Yoosung’s hand up to his mouth and kisses it again, “You really mean that?”

Yoosung nods and Saeran lets another tear roll out, “thank you Yoosung. I can’t believe this…I’m so grateful.”

Yoosung wants to comfort him, but he isn’t quite sure how, being so new to this relationship stuff. He leans in and embraces Saeran, patting him on the back as Saeran hugs him back, hard. He can feel Saeran’s tight muscles relaxing in his embrace, “I can’t wait to take you out on a date,” Saeran says before parting the hug slowly.

“Where do you have in mind?” Yoosung asks.

Saeran shrugs his shoulders, “wherever you’d like to go.”

“Hmm…” Yoosung wants to think of the perfect date idea. He’s never been on a date, so he might have to ask for some advice on this one. “Can I get back to you on that?”

“Sure,” Saeran smiles warmly at him, and warm fuzzies dance inside of Yoosung. 

………

Yoosung left Saeran’s house about an hour later, remembering that he really did have to get home to finish his paper (which is due by the end of the day). Saeran gave him a big hug, but the two didn’t kiss again. As Saeran promised, they would take things slow, and learn more about each other before delving into the physical aspects of their relationship.

Yoosung’s heart is still full and he’s humming to himself as he puts the final touches on his paper and turns it in online. He feels like an excited school boy with a crush for the first time. He still can’t believe that his crush actually likes him back this time!

Now that he’s finally finished with his paper, he wonders what the perfect date would entail. He thinks of some ideas, but doesn’t know if any are good, and so he decides to ask for some advice.

As much as it pains him, he turns to Zen for suggestions, knowing that the famed actor has had lots of experiences with romance in his past. 

Yoosung: Hey Zen! I was thinking to take someone out on a date soon, and wanted to take you up on your offer for advice. What are some good first date options? Thanks!

Zen: Yoosung! <3 I’m so happy for you! Can I meet her?

Yoosung: Please answer my question Zen!

Zen: Alright, well, it really depends on the person. Is she classically romantic? Would she enjoy a candlelit dinner and then cuddling on the couch with a movie? Or is she the outdoors type? Perhaps take her to a park and the two of you can walk and talk and hold hands?

Yoosung: Hmmm….I’m not sure if I want to do a cliché date like that. The person is very interesting in my opinion, and I’m still figuring them out. Sorry I can’t give many details at the moment.

Zen: How mysterious ;) Well, if you’re looking for something different or adventurous, you could always take this person for a spin on a motorcycle! That always gets the girl’s blood pumping and it’s always so thrilling for me too. 

Yoosung: Um…I don’t know about that.

Zen: True, I guess that’s not your thing. Then how about taking her to an art museum, or a theme park, or an aquarium, something like that? It’s a bit pricey, but definitely will be a memorable date! 

Yoosung: Those are some good ideas! Thanks Zen!

Zen: And Yoosung, if the date goes well, I better hear all about it! I expect details! And I also expect to meet her ASAP!

Yoosung: Okay, someday you will. And I will let you know how it goes. Thanks again!

Yoosung grins to himself at the thought of taking Saeran somewhere exciting and thrilling like a theme park or museum. He has more options now, and so he picks his phone back up and immediately texts Saeran, giving him several options and asking him which one he’d prefer. 

Saeran texts him back after a few minutes, and the two have made their decision. They discuss a time and date, and Yoosung is squirming with delight in his chair.  
He’s going on an actual date, his first date ever! He couldn’t be happier if he tried!


	6. An Overwhelming First Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first date is going great, until Saeran starts feeling anxious.

Saeran thrums his fingers on the door handle of Yoosung’s car. He’s slightly embarrassed at the fact that he can’t drive Yoosung to the theme park – he wanted to be the one to take Yoosung out, not the other way around. But he’ll cover for Yoosung’s ticket today, so it all works out. 

Well, technically, Saeyoung is covering their tickets…Saeran tries not to think about it. 

Yoosung chatters away during the drive, he’s nervous but it seems today he is easing those nerves by talking nonstop. Saeran finds it adorable, and he loves the casual look Yoosung had donned for today – loose fitting jeans with a blue shirt and a light jacket that cuts off at the shoulders. His usual hair clips are in place and he smells wonderful again. 

They arrive at the theme park and Yoosung can’t contain his excitement. “I’ve always wanted to go here!” he cries out.

“I’m glad I can make that a reality,” Saeran smiles and takes his hand, squeezing it. He pulls out his wallet and says, “anything you want today, it’s yours.”

“Ah Saeran! You are so kind,” Yoosung returns the smile and the two get out of the car and follow the crowd to the ticket booth. 

After buying the tickets, Yoosung takes Saeran by the hand and drags him through, scanning the map excitedly, his bubbly joy contagious. “Let’s do this one first!” he points to a big roller coaster.

Saeran nods, “Okay, that sounds good.”

…………

They spend about three hours riding all the rides, from roller coasters to free fall jumps and everything in between. Yoosung screamed on every ride, and Saeran found himself giddy listening to Yoosung’s joyous yells. He was thrilled by the rides as well, but even more so from watching Yoosung’s pure and wild reactions. 

They hop off a wooden coaster, feeling slightly dizzy, and Yoosung asks, “What should we do now?”

“I think maybe I need a break from the intense rides, can we find something more relaxing to do?” Saeran asks. 

Yoosung nods in agreement, “Let’s get some ice cream, is that alright?”

“Sure,” Saeran perks up, “ice cream is my favorite treat.” 

Saeran pays for an ice cream cone for each of them, and then they sit on a bench together, under the shade of a tree. “Thanks again for this,” Yoosung says, scooting closer to Saeran.

Saeran feels his heartbeat quicken, and he wants desperately to hold Yoosung’s hand. He takes a few bites of his ice cream, trying to calm his nerves. He’s been having a great day, but the thick crowds are a little over-stimulating for him. He hopes that sitting down for a few minutes will cure his unease. 

“So, Saeran,” Yoosung breaks the awkward tension, “are you excited for the RFA party?”

“Yeah, it should be fun,” Saeran admits, “I haven’t ever been to a fundraising party before.”

“It’s definitely fun!” Yoosung says enthusiastically, “There’s a ton of guests, and some good music and food too.”

Saeran nods, “I heard the last party was a big success.”

“It was,” Yoosung says, chatting away, “Although it wasn’t as much fun without Saeyoung and MC there, we were all worried about them.”

“Oh,” Saeran feels an uncomfortable itch at the back of his mind, “They were tracking me down at Mint Eye…I guess that was all my fault.”

“Oh no! It was fine! Everything turned out okay in the end,” Yoosung says. He places a hand on Saeran’s shoulder, but for some reason, his touch makes Saeran feel numb.

“I’m not so sure about that…” Saeran’s voice fades off as horrible scenes flash past his vision. Rika…V…blood everywhere…

The ice cream in his mouth tastes sour and he is disconnected, dizzy and flushed. He has a sense that he’s somehow separated from his own body, as if he were watching things from a third person perspective – his hands are shaking but everything is numb. 

He’s having an anxiety attack.

Everything was going fine before this. Perfect. He was getting along with Yoosung, he enjoyed the rides, and he was eating ice cream peacefully.

So why now? Why?

“Saeran, are you okay?” Yoosung’s voice is far away, Saeran’s hearing is muffled. 

He turns to look at Yoosung, trying to calm his worry, but his hoarse voice gives him away, “I’m okay.”

“You aren’t okay,” Yoosung touches his forehead, “You’re pale as a ghost. I’m getting you inside.” 

Yoosung tugs on his hand, tossing his ice cream cone in a trashcan. He leads him inside a crowded restaurant and sits him at a table. Saeran takes a few deep breaths and tries to ease his anxiety as Yoosung gets him some water. “Here, please drink this. Are you overheated?” Yoosung hands him the glass of water, but Saeran’s limbs aren’t functioning properly. 

Yoosung brings the cup to Saeran’s lips, and Saeran takes a slow sip. He swallows hard and then grabs onto Yoosung’s hand, squeezing tight to keep him grounded in this swaying restaurant. He feels sick, his body is simultaneously numb and tingling all over uncomfortably. He doesn’t have the words to explain to Yoosung that his brain isn’t fried from the sun – his brain is plagued by anxiety. 

He takes some more deep breaths as Yoosung continues to hold his hand and pat his back. Saeran’s chest tightens and then releases with each breath, and it’s painful. 

When he finally comes to, out of his anxiety, he feels shaken up. He looks on at Yoosung, and sees the terror written in his expression.

And he knows he just can’t handle this. It hurts too much. 

“I’m sorry Yoosung,” Saeran croaks out, “I-I really am.”

“It’s not your fault,” Yoosung squeezes his hand back, “It is really hot out today, we should’ve made sure to stay hydrated. The color is returning to your face though, are you feeling better now?”

“I am…but it wasn’t the heat that caused this,” Saeran admits. He needs to be honest now, and let it all out, “that was an anxiety attack.”

Yoosung blinks and opens his mouth to speak, but Saeran interrupts. He wasn’t able to speak earlier, but now his words come out like vomit, “I can’t imagine you’d want to go out with someone like me Yoosung. I often don’t know when I’ll get a panic attack like that, or when my anxiety or depression will render me useless…some days I struggle to get out of bed. Therapy has helped some, but I don’t think I’ll ever be normal. I had a lot of fun today, I really did, but this place is so crowded and being around too many people often makes me uncomfortable. I’m a burden Yoosung…I don’t have a job and I can’t offer you anything. I have nothing to give you.”

Saeran expects Yoosung to move away from him, to balk at his words and run. But he doesn’t. He simply takes all this information in, closes his eyes, and then looks back up at Saeran with nothing but concern and affection. 

“Saeran, don’t ever think you’re a burden,” Yoosung tells him, “You have plenty to offer me. All I want from you is to see you smile, and to know that you’re happy.”

Saeran feels his chest clench at those words – so unexpected, so genuine. “Yoosung…my anxiety…is often worse than this.”

“I understand that,” Yoosung cuts through, “I know it isn’t easy, I don’t have anxiety, so I can’t relate… But don’t you think that having someone to talk through these things with may help you a bit? I want to be the person who’s by your side when this happens…I want to listen to you, and help you out in any way I can.”

“Why?” Saeran asks. The dark shadow in his mind can’t fathom why anyone would go through such pain to comfort him and help him.

“Because,” Yoosung blushes, “because I like you. And you make me happy. Spending time with you has become my new favorite thing in the world. Since the day I started hanging out with you, I’ve been a happier person. Your smile brightens up my day. I want to see you genuinely smile, I want to make you happy.”

Saeran leans in closer to Yoosung, he lifts a hand up to touch his face. Yoosung’s face is warm, and his eyes are gleaming. Saeran feels the doubt seep away from his mind, at least for the time being. The shadow calms itself down, until Saeran can think clearly again. He continues to caress Yoosung’s cheek, it’s so very soothing.

“Yoosung,” Saeran finally says, “thank you. I don’t even know what to say…”

“You don’t have to say anything,” Yoosung tells him, sliding his hand over to Saeran’s waist. “I just want you to be happy, and to realize that you aren’t a burden. Not at all.”

Saeran closes the distance between them and kisses Yoosung, light and soft on the lips. The contact brings a rush of butterflies to his stomach, and his head feels healed. He knows this immense pleasure is temporary, but he’s going to do all he can to hold onto it for forever. 

“Are you feeling better?” Yoosung asks them once they part the kiss.

“Definitely,” Saeran says. He smiles, “Your kisses have healing powers Yoosung.”

Yoosung giggles, and Saeran can feel Yoosung’s muscles relaxing with the wave of laughter. He was so worried, his whole body was tense too. “I’m glad you think so,” Yoosung says, “I think your kisses are magical too.”

“Really?” Saeran smiles again and leans forward to capture Yoosung’s soft lips in another delicate kiss. He holds this one a little longer, ignoring the fact that they are in public. He is needy for Yoosung, desperate for his attention.

Yoosung pants heavily when they part the kiss, and his face is flushed, “I-I,” he breathes and starts again, “I hope you are having fun today. I’m sorry you had an anxiety attack.”

“Don’t ever apologize, it isn’t your fault Yoosung. It’s alright, I feel a lot better now. You did the right thing, taking me inside and holding my hand…that’s all I needed to remind myself to stay in the here and now, and not let my thoughts take me elsewhere,” Saeran explains. He hopes Yoosung can understand – it’s hard to explain his anxious thoughts to others, especially those who don’t experience this kind of thing. 

Yoosung nods, “What do you want to do now? Are you ready to go home?”

Saeran nods and sighs exasperatedly, “I am. I’m sorry Yoosung, I know you probably want to stay and do more…but being here for too long makes me so overwhelmed.”

“It’s okay,” Yoosung holds his hand and squeezes, “If you want to go home, I understand completely. We did all the rides I wanted to, and I had a lot of fun.”

“Good, I’m glad,” Saeran says, kissing Yoosung’s nose before they get up from the booth. 

Saeran is relieved that they are leaving the packed park, but he feels a twinge of guilt twisting in his stomach and forming a knot. If Yoosung were with someone else, he would probably get a chance to stay at the park all day long and experience everything. Yoosung wouldn’t have had to throw out his half eaten ice cream to comfort that person through their anxiety attack. 

Yoosung could have had a better first date. 

Saeran tries to keep his mind clear of these thoughts, but they afflict every corner of his mind. He can’t shake the feel that he’s roping Yoosung into an encumbering, painful relationships. 

But part of him can’t stand the thought of ending things with Yoosung now. He likes Yoosung, and he wants to stay with him. Is he being selfish? Does he really deserve Yoosung’s kindness?  
He simply has no answers. 

///////////

Yoosung touches his face and pinches his lip again to make sure he isn’t dreaming. He’s still in the driveway of his apartment complex, in shock over every kiss and touch from Saeran.

He squeals in excitement to himself before finally stepping out of his vehicle and walking up to his door. That date was perfect, absolutely perfect.

Well, perhaps it would’ve been a better date for Saeran if he didn’t have an anxiety attack. He felt bad dropping Saeran off at home, noting how there was a sadness behind his smile. He wants to see Saeran smile genuinely, without that loneliness and guilt there.

He has to figure out a way to erase that past guilt and doubt from Saeran’s mind. He wants to support Saeran, in the best way possible. But he felt like he was stumbling today, unsure of how to help when Saeran became pale and had that blank look in his eyes…it was scary. Yoosung has never experienced something like that before.

Yet now he knows what it’s like, so he can better help Saeran out the next time it happens. He’ll look for the signs of Saeran’s panic and anxiety attacks, and do everything in his power to comfort Saeran. 

Yoosung hopes Saeran can trust him enough to keep him by his side. He hopes that Saeran will open his heart up more for Yoosung, so that Yoosung can get to know every part of him. He wants to learn everything about him.

He types a quick message to Saeran, his mind is still full of happy thoughts from their adventure at the theme park: Hey Saeran! It might sound crazy, but I miss you already! I hope you are feeling better :) 

Saeran responds soon: Yoosung, yes, I am alright. Sorry for scaring you earlier…I never wanted you to see me like that. I hope you still had fun.

Yoosung feels his heart pinch at that sentence, so he writes an immediate response back to soothe Saeran’s worry: Yes I had fun! Don’t worry, it isn’t your fault Saeran. I know things are tough for you. If you want to talk, I’m here. You don’t have to suffer alone, you can lean on me for support ^^

Yoosung thinks he might have overdone it at that point. It takes Saeran a long while to respond, and Yoosung worries that he was too pushy with him, too open. What if Saeran never wants to talk? What if Saeran doesn’t trust Yoosung?

His message finally comes, and Yoosung’s heart leaps to his throat: Yoosung, thank you, really. I am trying. I want to open up to you, but my past is so twisted. I’m afraid it’s best that you never know about the things I did back then…I’d like you to get to know the me now. I get that I’m not an easy person to like, so I will understand if you don’t want to be around me anymore. All I ask is for your honesty. I want to get to know you better too. Today was one of the best days of my life, even with the anxiety attack. I had so much fun, and it was all thanks to you. You made me very happy today.

Yoosung takes a moment to read the entire message and process it before responding. He wants to see Saeran in person for this, to talk all of this through with him face to face. His heart hurts for Saeran – Saeran can’t take this pain on alone, he can’t surely think that his past will drive Yoosung away, can he? Yoosung understands that Saeran was brainwashed through Mint Eye, and that he was abused in his childhood. He may not know all the details, but it would never turn him off from Saeran. He isn’t sure what Saeran means by “twisted” and “the things I did back then.”

Yoosung finally gets the nerve to reply: Saeran, I hope in time you can turn to me for support. I know we are just getting to know each other, but I’d like us both to open up more in time. I believe true intimacy comes from getting to know a person entirely. I could never leave your side, I already feel so happy to be with you. I hope for many more dates! You are already so special to me, I want to be closer to you.

Yoosung sighs after sending that mushy message and goes to wash his face and get ready for bed. He wonders if pouring his feelings out like this is normal for a first date…but, oh well. He’s already expressed to Saeran how much he means to him. All he can hope for is that Saeran can someday view him in the same light. 

Saeran’s next reply is brief: Yoosung, let’s go out again next weekend if you are free. We can speak more then. I cherish you greatly too. 

Yoosung taps a message back: That sounds wonderful! Sweet dreams Saeran! :) 

He puts his phone down and crawls into bed feeling lighter than before. He has many questions, but he feels confident that in time they’ll all be answered. He is excited and eager to see Saeran again, and to get to know him better. His heart has never known such compassion like this for another person before now. He finally has an idea of what it means to be ‘head over heels’ for someone. He smiles to himself before drifting off into a comfortable sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reviews guys! I really hope you are sticking with this story! They will become closer, I promise ;)


	7. Hold Me Close

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Saeran and Yoosung go on a second date. Yoosung feels sexually frustrated.

Saeran walks out of his therapy session feeling a sense of both comfort and dread. It’s funny how one can feel both opposing states at once – his therapist made him feel better about his anxiety attack with Yoosung, but she urged him to start taking a step forward with getting a career. 

He was happy to hear this advice, this trust from his therapist that he can function as a ‘normal person’ in society. He already decided a little while ago that he’d like to go to school, and learn as much as he can about technology. He’s already skilled with computers, but he’d like to try his hand at making video games. When he saw how happy Yoosung was playing that video game a few weeks ago, he realized that he wanted to do something to make other people feel that sense of joy, that escape from the pain of the real world. 

But he’s never been to school before in his life. Can he really do it? Will he even be allowed to go to college? What’s it like being in a classroom full of people? He has no idea.

And when Saeran doesn’t know about something, it scares him. Everything has been so new for him since he left Mint Eye. He’s grateful for it, of course, but he feels so out of place from the rest of world. Something as common as going to school is foreign to him, and he can’t exactly explain to others why that is. He’s been tainted by his twisted past, no matter how hard he tries to cover those roots up with new flowers, the gnarled braches seep through, reminding him how abnormal he is compared to the rest of society. 

……….  
“Oh, Jaehee,” Saeran greets her at the front door, surprised to see her at his place. She was fiddling with a pen and paper, waiting for someone to answer. Saeyoung and Saeran just arrived from Saeran’s therapy session. Saeyoung has been taking him to and from therapy, he gets errands done while Saeran is with his therapist.

“Ah, hello Saeyoung, Saeran,” Jaehee greets them, “no wonder no one was answering the door. Is MC not home?”

“She’s at work,” Saeyoung replies, “I’m surprised to see you here unannounced. That’s very unlike you.”

“It was an order from Mr. Han,” Jaehee says, looking down at her notes, “I need to review the budget for the party with MC.”

“You can review it with me!” Saeyoung seems excited by this notion for some odd reason. It sounds pretty boring to Saeran. 

“Well…I suppose you are good with numbers. Are you going to be serious about this?” She asks hesitantly. 

“Of course!” Saeyoung says, “you can count on me! I am helping organize the party this time, I don’t want all the burden to be on MC’s shoulders! That’s what a relationship is for – to help lighten each other’s load after all.”

Saeran stops in his tracks at that comment – a relationship is for helping to lighten each other’s load? Does Saeyoung truly believe that?

Saeran watches as his brother eagerly ushers Jaehee inside to talk finances. He is in awe at what lengths his brother will go to help MC and to make her happy. Is that something that he can expect from Yoosung? Would Yoosung really do anything to make Saeran happy, as he said before?

Saeran has no doubts of Yoosung’s sincerity, but he questions Yoosung’s strength against his own darkness. If things turn ugly again, will Yoosung really be able to handle it? Saeran can’t blame him if he decides to leave at that time.

Until then, Saeran will do his best to keep a happy face around Yoosung, and not let him worry. 

………..  
The weekend finally comes, and Saeran is feeling jumpy to see Yoosung again. It’s been too long – they’ve been texting all week, but the week was an eternity to Saeran. 

Yoosung picks up Saeran and drives them to the movies, they decided to do something more relaxed for their second date. Saeran wiggles in the passenger seat, his nerves on edge. He isn’t sure what’s on Yoosung’s mind – is he worried that Saeran might have another panic attack? 

They pull into the driveway of the movie theater and Yoosung looks at Saeran with a furrowed brow, “are you alright?”

“Oh, yes,” Saeran cracks a smile, “I’m just…thinking about our last date.”

“Saeran,” Yoosung blushes and reaches to grab Saeran’s hand, “I had a wonderful date the last time, really.”

Saeran nods and smiles sadly, “I had you worried though.”

Yoosung squeezes Saeran’s hand, “It’s okay. Like I said through our messages, I want to know everything about you in time. I’m not afraid Saeran. I want you to lean on me for support.”

Saeran flinches at the word ‘support.’ He isn’t used to people offering up this kind of help, especially someone who is still getting to know him. His lips curve upwards and he says, “thank you Yoosung…I don’t mean to get all sentimental, why don’t we go in and enjoy the movie?”

Yoosung nods, but there’s clearly still more on his mind that he wants to get out. But he complies and the two walk up to the theater and decide on a film to watch. They pick a horror flick, and Saeran looks over at Yoosung inquisitively, “you like horror movies? I wouldn’t expect that.”

Yoosung shrugs and blushes, “I mean, I have an eclectic taste…”

“I thought you would’ve picked the romance one,” Saeran says as they find a seat together in the theater.

Yoosung laughs nervously, “Well, if it’s sad, I don’t want to end up crying in front of you.”

“Ah, I see,” Saeran wraps an arm around Yoosung, who snuggles up closer to Saeran, “I wouldn’t mind watching you cry. I could hold you close.”

“Well I mind,” Yoosung says, “and besides, you’ll have to hold me close if this movie gets too scary…”

Saeran smirks, Yoosung is simply adorable, “Now I see why you chose the horror movie. Alright, you can cling onto me all you want.”

Yoosung wraps an arm around Saeran’s waist and rests his head on Saeran’s shoulder. The movie begins, and the two fall silent. 

As the movie progresses, Yoosung starts to make little whimpering sounds into Saeran’s shirt. Saeran keeps his arm around Yoosung protectively, too preoccupied with his cute date to really pay much attention to the movie. Nothing he’s seen on the screen has really caught his attention, horror doesn’t seem to give him a scare the way it does to other people. 

Yoosung screams out loud at one point in the movie and buries his face into Saeran’s shirt. Saeran chuckles and then asks, “Are you okay? Do you want to leave?”

“No,” Yoosung clings for dear life, “I want to make sure that she lives!”

“The main character lady?” Saeran asks, looking back at the screen as she runs away from the axe murderer. “I’m pretty sure she’s gonna die.”

“No no no,” Yoosung mutters before turning his eyes back to the movie. Saeran chuckles again and squeezes Yoosung’s arm as he watches through the rest of the film, jumping in his seat at every scare. 

In the end, the main character does survive, although she’s the only one among her group of friends. Saeran stretches out, it was a typical cliché horror film, very predictable. But Yoosung is still shaking with fear beside him. 

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Saeran asks him again.

Yoosung lets out a relieved laughter, “Yes I’m okay. It’s all fake. There’s no axe murderers with masks hiding in the woods…”

“You don’t know that for sure,” Saeran teases. It’s too much fun to tease Yoosung when he’s like this, he can’t resist. 

“Ah! But!” Yoosung looks over at Saeran with wide eyes and a trembling figure.

Saeran pulls him in for a big hug, “I’m just kidding! Of course there’s no axe murders in the woods. Now, what’s gonna take your mind off of all this scary stuff?”

“Hmm,” Yoosung grumbles into Saeran, but he wraps his arms around him and hugs him back nonetheless. “I don’t know.”

“C’mon,” Saeran gets up from the seat, “I think I have an idea.”

……….  
Saeran brings them to a small park nearby, walking distance from the movie theater. It’s still early afternoon, so the sun is out and shining bright among the park goers. Saeran sits at the base of a tall tree under the shade, and Yoosung sits beside him, a happy smile on his face as he looks around the area.

“Wow, I never knew there was this quaint little park here,” Yoosung says.

Saeran puts an arm around Yoosung, “Yeah, when I –um- when I started living with Saeyoung, I looked around to find the best grassy areas to sit in. Being surrounded by nature always seems to calm me down.”

“That’s good to know,” Yoosung says, “I like it too, it’s very serene out here.”

“So, do you feel better now?” Saeran asks, “no longer scared of crazy murderers?”

Yoosung laughs adorably, “Yeah, I’m okay. Thanks for letting me squeeze you during the movie.”

Saeran holds Yoosung closer, “of course.” Yoosung blushes and the two are silent for a few minutes, cuddling under the tree and taking in the soft noises of the birds chirping and the children playing. 

“We could have a picnic out here someday,” Yoosung comments.

“Yeah?” Saeran pulls some of Yoosung’s blonde hairs out of his face, “You really like cliché date ideas, don’t you?” he teases.

“What’s wrong with a picnic?” Yoosung asks back, “besides, I’ve never done it before, so I’d like to try it. I mean, if you don’t like the idea, we don’t have to.”

“I’m kidding, I love the idea,” Saeran says, kissing Yoosung’s cheek, “I like the idea of doing anything with you.”

Yoosung’s cheeks flare up again, “I feel the same way.”

“Hmm,” Saeran smiles widely, “anything?”

Yoosung turns to face Saeran and nods. Saeran smiles and Yoosung returns the knowing smile before locking their lips together. Their lips collide in a smooth, closed lipped kiss. Yoosung sits up eagerly and repositions himself so that he’s straddling over Saeran’s lap. Saeran hums with delight and wraps his arms around Yoosung, never taking his lips away from the blonde. 

They both open up slowly, parting a little to deepen the kiss. A rush of butterflies explodes inside Saeran; Yoosung’s lips are warm and soft, and he threads his fingers through Yoosung’s blonde hair, tugging lightly. Saeran pushes his tongue inside Yoosung’s mouth, and excitement bubbles up inside him. Yoosung squeals in delight and then moves his own tongue more confidently into Saeran’s mouth, soft and gentle at first. He then pushes in deeper and harder, and Saeran moans with surprise at the forcefulness of Yoosung’s tongue in his mouth – it’s quite stimulating, and very arousing.

Their tongues dance together, both hungry for each other. Saeran tilts his head to the side to further expand the kiss. Yoosung is sweet and seductive, passionately tugging at Saeran’s hair and making adorable moans in the back of his throat. Saeran wraps his arms tighter around Yoosung’s build, desperate to feel him closer. He gets a flash in his mind of wanting to rip Yoosung’s shirt off and rake his hands up that tight body – but he remembers where he is, outside and in public. 

Saeran smirks into the kiss and then starts to nibble gently on Yoosung’s bottom lip. Yoosung gives a muffled cry of surprise, but doesn’t pull away. He moans harder, urging Saeran to continue biting. Saeran bites and tugs at Yoosung’s lips, and Yoosung’s eyes fly open – there’s an animalistic desire in them that drives Saeran nuts. Yoosung makes a delicious whining sound, and Saeran’s insides expand, nerves tingling and on edge. Perhaps they are taking this too far?

As if in response to his unasked question, Yoosung’s hips start to grind into Saeran. Saeran isn’t sure if he’s doing this unintentionally or not – but Saeran feels himself getting hot and bothered from this action. 

He finally pulls away from the kiss, leaning his head back into the tree trunk, daring to take a good look at Yoosung.

Yoosung is panting fast, his lips wet and red and swollen. His pupils are dilated and his cheeks are flushed. He’s a hot mess, he’s Saeran’s hot mess. 

Saeran looks down at Yoosung’s groin and chuckles, “Yoosung, we should restrain ourselves in public.”

Yoosung breathes deep and stares at Saeran questioningly. His arms are draped over Saeran’s shoulders, and he looks rather dazed and lost. Saeran decides to be blunt and honest, “you have a massive hard-on Yoosung.”

That snaps Yoosung instantly out of his daze – he recoils up out of Saeran’s lap and scoots back several inches, closing his legs tight and wailing in surprise. “Ah oh my god!” he covers his face in embarrassment. 

Saeran laughs, clutching at his side – embarrassed Yoosung is so damn cute. He watches as Yoosung peeks out from between his fingers, mortified. 

“Babe, come here,” Saeran says, gesturing to Yoosung. 

“No,” Yoosung says defiantly. 

“C’mon, I’m sorry for laughing and teasing you. You’re just so cute, I couldn’t help it,” Saeran admits, crawling closer to the huddled up ball of humiliation before him. Saeran wraps his arms around Yoosung.

Yoosung peers up at him, “you think I’m cute?”

“Yes, of course,” Saeran says, “Why else would I make out with you and get that carried away?”

“But…I can’t believe…I…ugh,” Yoosung buries his face again, “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry babe,” Saeran pats his back, “I got pretty aroused too, if you want to know the truth.”

Yoosung’s head snaps up, “You did?”

“Yes,” Saeran blushes at Yoosung’s intense stare, “It’s obvious we both really like each other, and we both have the hots for one another. You’re extremely attractive…I had to force myself to pull away. I don’t think I’d be able to if we were somewhere private.”

“Yeah, me neither,” Yoosung admits.

“I thought you wanted to take things slow?” Saeran asks, puzzled.

“I did…well, I still do. I don’t want to move things along too fast if we aren’t ready. But at the same time, I like kissing you and touching you…it’s only our second date and I’m already thinking all these dirty thoughts…what’s wrong with me?” Yoosung pats his head.

“Nothing’s wrong with that. I have those thoughts too,” Saeran says, “but if you want to tone it down, we can. This is new for us both.”

“Well, I really like kissing you,” Yoosung says, causing Saeran’s heart to leap forward. “but maybe to be safe, we should try not to take it further than that…yet. I mean, we aren’t even official yet, right?”

“Official?” Saeran doesn’t exactly get Yoosung’s drift. 

“I mean, uh, these are just dates…but I’m not like, your boyfriend yet…” Yoosung buries his face again, but Saeran lifts it back up with his hand. 

“Do you want to be my boyfriend?” Saeran asks. He never realized he had to outright ask this question, but he wants Yoosung to know that their relationship is exclusive. 

“Yes,” Yoosung says with stars in his eyes, “I do.”

“Good, then it’s settled. We can be ‘official’ now,” Saeran says with air quotes. 

Yoosung smiles broad like the sun and leans in to kiss Saeran lightly on the lips, “I like that. But, um, I still have to tell my mom. And all my friends too.”

“Take your time,” Saeran grabs Yoosung’s hand, “Tell them when you are ready.”

Yoosung smiles, “I will. You know, I was thinking of telling everyone about us at the RFA party.”

“Really?” Saeran ponders this, “you want to come out to everyone at the party?”

Yoosung nods, “it’s the only time we’re all together in person, so I thought I could use the opportunity to tell everyone face to face. I’d like to introduce you as my boyfriend there.”

Saeran squeezes Yoosung tight, “that sounds lovely babe.”

////////////  
Yoosung is floating on a cloud, thinking back to his hot and heavy kissing with Saeran from earlier that day. He has only one week left of summer classes, so he should be studying for finals, but all he can think about is how aroused he felt after that kiss.

The feel of Saeran’s dominating tongue in his mouth, and then when Saeran started biting on his lips – it’s indescribable. It sent Yoosung to the moon, and thinking about it now makes his head dizzy with desire. 

Before he knows what he’s doing, he’s touching himself over his pants, feeling up his own erection. He looks down at his lap and mutters, “argh, dammit.”

He’s grateful he lives alone, because he knows he won’t be able to properly study unless he takes care of his dirty thoughts first. He pulls down his pants and lays on his bed, curling over and straddling a pillow between his legs. He starts to hump the pillow and touch himself, thinking about Saeran being the one to please him. 

His breathing is heavy and his body is tense – rubbing himself is good, but it’s not enough. He wonders idly what sex is like for two men anyways…he know the general idea, but he’s never looked into it before. 

Yoosung ceases palming himself to bring his laptop over, and then he searches for porn sites. He scrolls through until he finds the video he’s looking for. His heart is pounding in his chest, and he feels very naughty for looking such things up, but his curiosity is piqued. He wants to know all the details of sex between two men.

He watches a video of two men enacting in intercourse – he knows that since they are porn stars, a lot of elements are embellished – but he’s still transfixed. And what’s more, he’s feeling even more hot and bothered than before.

He imagines Saeran doing those things to him – sucking him off, whispering dirty and kinky things, and sticking fingers into his hole. Yoosung starts palming at his erection again, but he craves more stimulation. 

And that’s when he remembers it – somewhere in the back of his closet, he has the perfect materials for what he wants to experience. 

He groans to himself and promises to never ever mention this to Saeyoung, or to anyone for that matter. He digs around in his closet until he finds it – an unopened dildo and lubricant, courtesy of one of Saeyoung’s pranks. 

Saeyoung thought it was absolutely hilarious to send Yoosung a subscription box of sex toys, and to film his reaction when the package came in the mail. Yoosung still hasn’t totally forgiven him for it. At the time, he angrily threw the package in his closet and told Saeyoung to cancel the ridiculous subscription. 

But now, he thanks his lucky stars to have the item he desires, right at his fingertips. He pulls out the dildo, which is about six inches long with an average girth, from the package. He has no clue if this thing will actually fit inside him…but he’s pretty eager to try. 

He sets the dildo and lube down on his dresser and clicks play on the video again, watching as the dominant male finally presses his erection inside the other. The man getting pounded moans and screams and looks to be enjoying it. Yoosung feels himself grow painfully hard, hearing those moans. He wants to feel that pleasure too, but will it really feel good to stick something up inside him like that?

There’s only one way to find out.

Yoosung starts by pouring a generous amount of lube on his hand, rubbing the substance around to coat his fingers thoroughly. He positions himself a bit awkwardly on the bed, lifting one leg up and curving his left hand behind him to press a finger inside – there’s an initial pinch, but the finger slides in easily. 

He continues to watch the porn video as he fingers himself, first with one finger and then inserting another. It feels good, much better than he expected in fact. There’s a bit of pain at first, with stretching himself out, but the pain somehow doesn’t feel all that bad…sort of like when Saeran bit his lips. He enjoys the slight pain, it turns him on.

When he feels ready, he grabs the dildo and again pours a generous amount of lube on the shaft. He coats the surface, his mind on fire thinking about it being Saeran’s member. He’s driving himself nuts by thinking about his boyfriend.

He lays forward on his bed, resting on his arms with his ass out in the air. He feels ridiculous in this position, but after watching that video, and seeing how much the men screamed in this position, he’s curious to try it out. He reaches back with his dildo, poking around his ass to find his hole. He finds it and presses the head of the dildo in, not bothering to stifle the cry that leaps from his lips. 

This hurts more than fingers, but beneath that pain there’s pleasure. He presses the dildo in a bit further, screaming once more. His erection is painfully throbbing, praying for a release now. His hole is radiating with both arousal and pain – but once again, he doesn’t seem to mind the pain at all. Is there something wrong with him? Wouldn’t most people hate this sort of pain?

But Yoosung loves it. He keeps thinking about Saeran pounding into him, and scratching him, and biting him all over – and his nerves are on fire. He’s aflame all over, so incredibly aroused he can barely stand it. With Saeran’s smirk in mind, he pushes the dildo in a bit further, and starts palming himself with his other hand, crying out loud again. 

His body starts shaking violently, and Yoosung is spilling out all over his bed – he reaches his orgasm, jumping over the edge as the dildo creeps further inside him. He screams as everything is released, and then he slowly takes the dildo out of himself, carefully. Everything feels sensitive. 

He pants and heaves into his pillow, spent and drained of all his energy. His head is in the clouds again, that orgasm was more intense than any he’s ever experienced before. His ass hurts a little, but overall everything is tingling and sensitive and feeling wonderful. 

Yoosung feels satisfied, but he’s still frustrated – he groans into his pillow as he comes to realize the truth. 

He wants Saeran to fuck him. He wants it so bad he can’t even think straight. 

He wonders how long the two can keep up this ‘taking things slow’ charade before he cracks. 

He rolls over and takes another deep breath, bringing himself back down from his high. He’s about to get up and clean his mess, when he hears his phone ring.

He scrambles to pick it up, “Hello?”

“Yoosung? Why are you so out of breath?” Saeyoung asks.

“Oh, I went out for a run,” Yoosung lies, his heart fluttering. He didn’t realize he still sounded winded.

“Hm, I never knew you were a runner,” Saeyoung says, not buying it. 

“Well, I’m trying to stay in shape!” Yoosung defends – never in a million years would he admit he was just masturbating.

“Haha, I’m only teasing you,” Saeyoung says.

“What’s up? Why are you calling me?” Yoosung asks, feeling annoyed. He shouldn’t have answered his phone.

“Jeez buddy, I just wanted to see how things went after your date,” Saeyoung says.

Yoosung relaxes a bit, he doesn’t want to sound harsh with his friend, “Sorry…well, it went really well actually. But why don’t you just ask Saeran.”

“He said the same thing, but he didn’t really give me any details. He’s stressing himself out with his school application right now,” Saeyoung says.

“You don’t need details on our date,” Yoosung points out, “and what do you mean by school application?”

“He didn’t tell you? He’s applying for college,” Saeyoung says, “are you seriously not going to give me any of the juicy details?”

“Saeyoung, there are no juicy details. And if there were, I wouldn’t tell you anyways,” Yoosung says.

“Aw c’mon! I’ll tell you all about MC if you want,” Saeyoung offers. 

“I don’t want to know. Besides, you’ve already given me enough painful details about her,” Yoosung sighs, and then says, “If you must know, Saeran asked me to be his boyfriend today, so now we are official.”

“What!? Why didn’t you say that sooner!? You’re officially part of the Choi family now!” Saeyoung screams. 

Yoosung blushes and feels his heart flutter, he doesn’t know how to respond to that, and Saeyoung keeps talking, “This is so exciting Yoosung! When are you coming over next? I need to make something special for you and Saeran!”

“You don’t have to do that…” Yoosung says.

“I’ll give you some honey Buddha chips! A Honey Buddha Chip cake!” Saeyoung laughs.

“Is that even possible?” Yoosung does like the idea of a sweet cake with the flavor of those chips, but he’s skeptical to believe everything Saeyoung says.

“I’m sure it is! I’ll go get some ingredients now! Just you wait!” Saeyoung replies, hyper with excitement, “Okay, I have to get going Yoosung! Talk to you later.”

“Alright Saeyoung, bye,” Yoosung says before hanging up. 

He looks back over at the mess he left on his bed and sighs with embarrassment. He’s still feeling flustered by all the events that have happened. Are they taking things too fast, too suddenly? 

And why didn’t Saeran mention that he was applying for school? It’s a big deal, so why is Saeran being secretive about something like that? Perhaps he used to keeping things a secret?

Yoosung wants to learn all he can about Saeran, and to help him open up. But it often seems as though the door to Saeran’s heart has a double lock on it. Will Yoosung ever be able to open it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did someone say Masochist Yoosung? Hehehe ;) Hope you guys enjoyed the little spice in this chapter! Thanks for reading!!


	8. Nightmares and Treasures

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Saeran continues to have nightmares about V. But he holds onto his treasure, his boyfriend Yoosung, and tries to hold on to his happiness for as long as it can last.

Something sticky is dripping over his eyelids – he can’t see, so he wipes at the substance, noting how thick it feels. His eyes open to see red – red stains on the carpets and the walls and even the ceiling. Saeran is surrounded by blood, it covers him, head to toe, the copper taste lingering in his mouth. 

He turns around to stare wide eyed into the shocked faces of bystanders – all wearing grim looks of horror and desperation. Small voices and whispers lead his trailing eyes back around to the floor, where a heaped body lays unconscious, with pale blue hair and a kind, colorless face.

Saeran’s heart squeezes so tight he can’t breathe.

Saeran wakes with a gasp, trying to fill his lungs with air. He is suffocating, clinging to the sheets and moaning, drops of cold sweat forming over his brow. 

Saeyoung comes rushing into his bedroom, somehow alerted to his brother’s panic attack. Perhaps Saeran was making noise. He can’t seem to hear anything but the buzzing of dreaded voices inside his head. 

Saeyoung forces Saeran’s limbs open from fetal position, laying him on the bed sprawled out and encouraging him to take in deep belly breaths. Some form of consciousness – the will to live, the survivor instinct inside of Saeran – takes over for a moment, and focuses all his energy on breathing. In, and out, in and out. 

Before he knows it, he is coming back down, breathing normally again, his vision swimming back into focus.

“Saeran,” Saeyoung and MC are right beside him, both white as a ghost, worried sick. 

“Sae-young,” Saeran chokes out. He takes another deep breath, his head still feels dizzy. 

“Shh,” MC brings some water to his lips, and Saeran takes a gracious sip. 

“What triggered the panic attack?” Saeyoung asks, although Saeran can tell that he already knows. 

Saeran closes his eyes, “V…” it’s all he can muster. He wants to be sick. 

Saeyoung squeezes his brother’s hand, “It wasn’t your fault Saeran.”

Saeran jerks his hand away from his brother, a flash of anger surging in him, “I killed him Saeyoung. I killed the only good person that ever came into our lives.”

Saeyoung flinches, but does not draw back, “You were brainwashed, you were drugged, you weren’t yourself. I know that’s hard to accept, and it’s not going to go away all at once…but please, Saeran, you have to forgive yourself.”

Saeran shakes his head violently, “I shouldn’t be allowed out in society…I can’t even explain why I had that dream just now. It was so real. I was back in that room again. The blood…I can still see it, I can still smell it…V wasn’t even my intended target…” his voices fades out with a chill, lingering in the air until MC starts to whimper. She is crying beside Saeyoung, and Saeran’s heart feels heavier than it’s ever felt in his life. This poor girl has to deal with her fiancé’s crazy brother for the rest of her life. It isn’t fair to her to have this burden placed upon her shoulders. 

Saeyoung rubs her back in circles, “Saeran, you and I are okay. I stayed by you because I knew that your anger was misguided and that you had been mistreated and abused by Mint Eye. Your actions weren’t your own…you were a pawn of Rika’s twisted organization.”

MC sniffles once more and then speaks up, “I hate seeing you like this Saeran…I wish the PTSD would stop so that you can see the bright future you have ahead of you.”

Saeran looks at her, astonished. He was sure she was crying because of what he said – about his intended target being Saeyoung, not V. He can see in her that she is being genuine, she truly cares for his well being, as much as Saeyoung’s. Something twinges inside him, and stirs up tears that prick at his own eyes. He doesn’t deserve this love, this overwhelming amount of care from the two of them. 

He bends forward, trying to stop the tears, but it’s futile. They leak forth, splashing into his covers. Saeyoung embraces Saeran, holds him close and rubs his back. Saeran doesn’t flinch away this time. He doesn’t push Saeyoung away. He simply holds his brother and cries, whimpering and coughing and sniffling for what seems like hours. 

Once the tears have finally drained, he releases from the hug, his body slightly stiff. “Th-thank you.”

“Is there something I can get you?” MC asks, standing above his bed at the doorframe. 

Saeran shakes his head, “I’m okay.”

“Get some rest Saeran. Do you want me to stay in your room tonight?” Saeyoung asks, his face full of concern. 

Saeran smiles halfheartedly, “I’m not a sick little kid anymore, I’ll be okay. Go with MC, I think I can sleep fine now. Thanks again.”

Saeyoung smiles back and gives Saeran one last hug before getting up and walking out the door. Saeran settles back into his bed, his body still shaking, his breathing still a little labored.   
Try as he might, he can’t fall back asleep. He tosses and turns, but every time he closes his eyes, he sees that face again, and he’s jolted awake once more. 

It’s going to be a long night. 

////////

“Try the sweet cream taiyaki, you like sweet things right?” Zen asks Yoosung.

Yoosung looks back at the menu once more, agreeing with Zen, “Yeah, I think I’ll take that, it sounds good!”

The server nods and rings it up before preparing the hot fish cake filled with cream for Yoosung. Yoosung grins wide as he takes the dessert from the man at the food stand. Yoosung finally agreed to try this stand with Zen, who has been raving about the taiyaki for weeks now. 

They step away from the food stand and Yoosung takes a bite, his taste buds immediately rejoicing. “So?” Zen asks before taking a bite of his own. 

“It’s delicious, thank you Zen!” 

“I told you,” Zen says, turning the corner.

Yoosung takes another bite, letting the cream melt in his mouth, “I have to take Saeran here some time.”

“Saeran?” Zen asks with a raised eyebrow. 

“Oh yeah,” Yoosung blushes, “I mean, he and I are good friends now!”

“That’s interesting,” Zen says, “I thought you might want to take your new girlfriend here.”

“I don’t have a girlfriend,” Yoosung admits. 

“Did your date not go well the other day?” Zen asks curiously. 

Yoosung curses himself for bringing it up, “It went fine! Ah, it’s hard to explain…you’ll just have to wait until the RFA party for details!”

Zen looks slightly crestfallen, but doesn’t press the matter, “Alright, Mr. Mysterious. Now I’m very eager for this party. That damn trust fund kid keeps saying he wants to bring Elizabeth the third to the party, he better not!”

“Jumin wants to bring his cat, that’s an excellent idea! Saeyoung will love that,” Yoosung exclaims. 

“It is not an excellent idea! Did you forget how allergic I am!? I can’t have a puffy face for the pictures! My fans will start to hate me,” Zen complains dramatically. 

“Your fans will always love you,” Yoosung says, “like Jaehee.”

“Is Jaehee really a fan of my work?” Zen wonders, as though he doesn’t already know the answer to this. 

“Of course she is. She talks about you nonstop,” Yoosung says before finishing the last bite of his taiyaki. “Hey Zen,” Yoosung just thought about something, or about someone rather.

“Hm?”

“How do you think Rika is doing? She’s all alone at that place in Alaska…I wonder about her a lot,” Yoosung says. 

“I wonder too Yoosung. But we aren’t supposed to make contact with her. She’s going through a process of healing,” Zen tells him. 

Yoosung nods, not saying anything for a minute. He has been worrying about Rika a lot lately. He saw how she acted after being in Mint Eye, and he often wonders what happened that caused her to go into such a catatonic-like state. Sure, V died, and that must have truly set her off. But Yoosung still doesn’t know the details surrounding V’s death or Rika’s disappearance into Mint Eye along with Saeran. Yoosung’s mind starts to drift more towards Saeran. He hasn’t seen his boyfriend for a few days, and they’ve kept in minimal contact. Saeran and Yoosung spoke on the phone a few times, and Saeran did tell him that he was applying for college. He said he would be busy with his application and registering for classes, but Yoosung felt like there was something more on Saeran’s mind. What is it that he isn’t relaying? Is Saeran alright? Yoosung constantly wonders about him, but he figured perhaps Saeran needed some time to himself. If Saeran was having bad anxiety attacks again, he would surely tell Yoosung, right?

“Yoosung? Yoosung!?” Zen snaps his fingers and Yoosung startles. 

“Oh! Sorry!”

“You’ve been zoning out a lot. Are you thinking about your girlfriend?” Zen asks. 

“I told you I don’t have a girlfriend,” Yoosung retorts. 

“Right. I know that look. You’re troubled with love. You can tell me what’s going on Yoosung, I can help you,” Zen offers. 

“Argh, I can’t really explain it all…” Yoosung pulls at his blonde strands a little. 

“Explain what you can to me,” Zen says.

Yoosung sighs, “Well, I do like someone, but this person doesn’t always tell me what’s on their mind…if they have something troubling them, I can usually tell, but if I don’t know what it is, I won’t know how to help them.”

“Hmm,” Zen thinks on this for a minute, “well, if this person isn’t comfortable telling you everything, sometimes just being there physically will help. Some people just want support, someone to lean on. When they feel more comfortable with you, in time, I’m sure they will open up and reveal to you what’s on their mind.”

Yoosung nods, knowing that Zen is right, “Yeah, I think you are right…I should call and see if I can see them soon. Thanks Zen.”

“Of course Yoosung,” Zen winks and ruffles Yoosung’s hair a little bit. Yoosung laughs, trying to let some of his worries go. 

/////////////

“I got the schedule of my classes,” Saeran walks in and waves his paper to show MC, who is sitting at her computer.

“Oh! That’s excellent!” MC calls, getting up to look.

“Yup, I’m finally registered. Saeyoung and I drove by the school after my therapy session,” Saeran says.

“Sky University! The same college as Yoosung!” MC notes. 

“Yeah, you can start carpooling with your boyfriend now,” Saeyoung adds with a smile, “You really should call him and tell him!”

“He’s coming over soon,” Saeran says, “I haven’t had a chance to see him in a week, I’ve just been so stressed about this…and with the nightmares…I haven’t wanted him to see me like that. But I’m really happy now! Look! I’m in a digital media class and a web design course!”

“I see, this is amazing Saeran!” MC hugs him, throwing Saeran off guard a little, “I’m so proud.”

The doorbell rings at that point, and Saeran quickly releases from his hug to answer excitedly. He hasn’t felt this happy in ages.

Yoosung stands at the doorway, cute as a button like always. Saeran, overcome with joy, lifts his small boyfriend up and gives him a kiss mid-air, twirling him around as he does. 

He puts Yoosung down gently, noting the adorable blush on his cheeks, “Phew! I missed you too Saeran!” Yoosung exclaims, looking winded. 

Saeran bends forward and pecks Yoosung’s lips again, “I’m sorry I’ve been so distant the past week. I have something to show you.” He pulls out his class schedule, and Yoosung yelps.

“Sky University! We’re going to the same college!” Yoosung looks at him with stars in his eyes, “You told me you were going to school, but you didn’t tell me you were going to the same school as me!"

“Surprise!” Saeran says. 

“This is so cool! I can drive you to class! And we can hang out on campus!” Yoosung practically sings. Saeran nods in agreement, mirroring Yoosung's excitement. 

“Hey you two, get in here and watch a movie with us!” Saeyoung calls from the living room. Yoosung looks over at Saeran, who nods and ushers them inside. 

The four of them – Saeran, Yoosung, Saeyoung and MC – watch a funny movie together, and Saeran holds Yoosung tight, cherishing his boyfriend and feeling on top of the world. He is happy, blissful, truly at ease holding onto Yoosung and laughing throughout the film. 

Nothing can bring him down today – and so he lives in the present, enjoying this moment, knowing full well that it may not last forever. But for however long this happiness can last, he wants to hold it firm, and share that happiness with Yoosung, the one he treasures the most in his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry everyone that it's been so long since my last update! I will try my best to keep this story updated in a more timely manner. Thanks again for any comments! :)


	9. Looking For Alaska

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yoosung starts to think more about Rika, who is all alone in Alaska. He wants to do something to return his cousin back home.

Yoosung snuggles close to Saeran, leaning his head against his shoulder, watching as the credits for the movie begin to roll up. He looks up at Saeran, and his heart lights up at the genuine smile on Saeran’s face. “You liked the movie?”

“Yeah, that was funny, in a not cliché way. It was actually good,” Saeran says, sounding surprised. 

“I knew you’d like it,” Saeyoung says, also in good spirits. “I don’t know if Yoosung understood all the jokes though.”

“Hey! Why are you picking on me?” Yoosung asks, defensively. 

Saeran chuckles but defends his boyfriend, “he’s a lot smarter than you give him credit for.”

“I know,” Saeyoung agrees, “I’m only teasing. But c’mon Yoosung, you were quite lost with Inception.”

“The whole world was confused by that movie,” Yoosung says. “Anyways, it’s getting late, I should probably get home.”

“You don’t want to spend the night?” Saeyoung asks with a suggestive eyebrow raise. MC punches him lightly on the shoulder. 

Yoosung blushes and glances up at Saeran, who fidgets uncomfortably. Yoosung notes the heat on Saeran’s cheeks, and it only makes him more embarrassed. Of course Yoosung wants to stay over! But he and Saeran promised to take things slower. Luckily, Saeran comes up with an excuse, “Yoosung has to get home, his mom has to call him about something important.”

“Yeah,” Yoosung agrees, turning towards the door. He’s grateful for Saeran’s little lie as he makes his goodbyes. 

At the doorstep, Saeran pauses, his expression still full of mirth from the movie earlier, “I wish you could stay the night. But I know we have to take things slow. But someday.” 

Yoosung blushes again, “yes,” he agrees, smiling ear to ear, “someday.”

“Goodnight,” Saeran leans in and kisses Yoosung, pulling his face close with his hands, brushing his fingers through Yoosung’s hair. Yoosung gasps into the kiss and feels his heart flutter. 

“Goodnight,” Yoosung murmurs after the kiss. He floats on air to his car, elated by the pure joy that Saeran is feeling tonight. Yoosung hopes that Saeran can feel like this every night, and every day. 

…….

Yoosung is almost home, but for some reason, his happiness is dissipating quickly. He had a great time with Saeran, Saeyoung and MC, so why is he starting to feel down?

He can’t help but think about his conversation with Zen from earlier. They had touched briefly on Rika, and Yoosung now can’t get her out of his mind. His own cousin, who he thought was dead for so long, is suffering and grieving, all alone in Alaska. He wonders constantly if he and Zen made the right choice to send her there. He doesn’t understand why the police were so eager to interrogate Rika in the first place – wasn’t she a victim of Mint Eye’s brainwashing, the same as Saeran? 

As Yoosung enters his house, he is overcome with thoughts of Rika, and how she was acting after the Mint Eye incident. She was quiet, staring blankly ahead, devoid of all emotion. Yoosung thought at the time that if he had kept her longer with him, he could have helped her out of that state. But Zen insisted that the best choice was to send her away. Yet why did she have to be sent away so far? Why not admit her into a clinic close by? Yoosung never understood. 

He grabs the brochure for the Alaskan therapy clinic from his desk, looking frantically again for a location. He has to find Rika – he feels horrible for the way she was treated after all she’s been through. How can he be free to be happy alongside Saeran, when his own family is suffering all alone? Is she alright in Alaska? Has she made any progress? These thoughts swim through his mind all at once, until Yoosung notices the brochure shaking in his hands, his fingers turning white at the knuckles from his death grip on the paper. 

But the number is there – a contact, a sign of relief. He’ll have to say something, make up something important, in order to let the clinic release Rika. But if he can have her by his side again, if he can take care of her, he knows that she’ll be welcome back into RFA. She was the creator of RFA, after all. She should come to the party this fall, and see how hard the members of her charity organization worked to bring her dream to fruition. 

He picks up his phone, exhaling heavily to calm his nerves, and dials the number. 

//////////

Saeran takes a seat under a large oak tree on campus, setting his bag down next to him and sighing heavily. It’s the first day of classes for the Fall semester, and he already feels overwhelmed. There’s simply too many people at this college – Saeyoung told him that the university is huge, and had many students, but Saeran never imagined it would be like this. 

His first class ended a while ago, and he had enjoyed the experience overall. The professor explained the outline of the course in detail, which he liked. Saeran likes to know the schedule ahead of time, it helps with his anxieties. But he didn’t enjoy the excessive whispering of the students around him, or the people texting on their phones throughout the lecture. It was distracting, and not to mention rude. Saeran was trying to be a good student, it’s his first class ever, so he was taking notes and listening intently. 

After the class let out, he ambled around the large campus, trying to locate his next class. He circled around several buildings, already lost and confused. When he passed by the student union, several peppy students harassed him with flyers and coupons for various activities on campus. Saeran avoided them as best as he could and then made a beeline for a tree secluded from the hustle and bustle. 

He takes his map out from his bag, grumbling to himself about having to even use a map. He locates the building for his next class on his map, and makes to get up when he sees someone blocking his path. 

“You stick out with that red hair,” Yoosung smiles above Saeran, reaching a hand out for him to grab.

“Yoosung!” Saeran is surprised, “I thought you had a class right now?”

“The class got out early, it’s just syllabus day,” Yoosung says, helping Saeran get up.

“Syllabus day?” Saeran is still getting used to the terminology. 

“Yeah, the professors just explain the layout of the class for the semester, and then let us out early, if you’re lucky,” Yoosung says.

“Oh,” Saeran thinks back to his first class, “our professor actually got started teaching today. I was wondering why everyone in the class was complaining about it.”

Yoosung laughs, “You’re so cute. How was your first ever college class!?”

Saeran takes Yoosung’s hand in his, suddenly feeling his anxiety decrease and his heart rate return back to normal, “It was good. I learned a lot actually. I’m excited for the class. And I’m trying to find my next class” he takes out the map again, “but I have no idea where this building is.”

“Oh! I can help you!” Yoosung pulls on Saeran’s hand, “C’mon!” 

Yoosung grins widely as they walk, and he chats casually about his own classes and schedule. He’s taking some difficult courses this semester, a lot of science classes that will help him get into veterinary school. 

“Aren’t you nervous to take all those difficult classes?” Saeran asks.

“Well, I know it’ll be hard,” Yoosung says, “but it’s my dream to become a veterinarian! So I’m willing to put in the effort.”

“You’re so inspiring,” Saeran says genuinely, “Why do you want to be a veterinarian? Is it because you love animals?”

“Yes, that’s part of the reason,” Yoosung says, “it’s all thanks to Rika though, she gave me my love for animals and for taking care of them.”

“Oh,” Saeran feels his chest deflate. He doesn’t enjoy talking about Rika, and he knows that Yoosung has no idea of Rika’s true nature. 

“Hey Saeran,” Yoosung presses the matter further, “Were you and Rika close? I know Mint Eye is a sore subject…but you were both in the organization together, so I thought maybe you guys knew each other well.”

“Um,” Saeran isn’t sure how to respond, and his chest tightens uncomfortably, “I guess you could say that. The whole ordeal is a bit of a blur Yoosung.”

“Yeah, I know,” Yoosung squeezes Saeran’s hand, “I-I’ve just been thinking about Rika a lot recently. I wonder what she would think of me now, seeing me working hard to become a vet.” 

“I’m sure she would be very proud,” Saeran says, knowing that this is probably the answer he’s looking for. He is begging for Yoosung to stop talking about Rika, but Yoosung only gets more excited by this comment.

“You think so? I really hope so! I guess I’ll see for myself what her thoughts are in a few weeks!” Yoosung exclaims. 

“Huh?” Saeran feels his heart clench in a panic. What is Yoosung talking about?

“Oh, whoops,” Yoosung smiles as though he has a secret, “I mean, I was going to tell you eventually, when the time was right.”

“Tell me what?” Saeran’s head is spinning, and he suddenly doesn’t feel well at all.

“I called the Alaska therapy clinic where Rika is staying! I missed her so much, and felt so bad that she’s been there all alone. They said that in a few weeks, they’ll call back to talk to me about discharging her,” Yoosung says with a wide grin. 

The floor beneath Saeran seems to open up and swallow him whole. He closes his eyes and sees her – sitting on a throne, disillusioned and mad with sickening power. He remembers the way she treated him, the way she treated V. He remembers the way V groveled to her, just to win her heart back. But Rika denied his pleas, and cruelly brainwashed all the members of Mint Eye. She is responsible for Saeran’s misjudgment of his own twin brother Saeyoung. She is responsible for so much pain and heartache, not just for Saeran, but for so many others. 

“Are you okay Saeran?” Yoosung pats Saeran’s shoulder, waking him from his trance. 

Saeran puts on the best fake smile he can muster, “Yes, wow, that’s – that’s wonderful Yoosung.”

“You don’t sound too happy…” Yoosung is full of concern. But Saeran can’t bear to tell him the truth about his own cousin, and crush his spirit. 

“I’m just feeling a little overwhelmed with this big campus, that’s all. I really am happy Yoosung. I think I might go to my class early and sit down for a bit and get prepared,” Saeran says, trying to keep his focus through the dizzying, whirring world around him. 

“Okay then. Let me know when you finish, and I’ll drive you home, okay?” Yoosung says, still with a hint of concern behind his voice. 

Saeran nods and then turns fast to leave, not even kissing Yoosung goodbye. His heart is racing too fast, and his stomach is flopping and churning uncomfortably. He steps inside the building and locates the bathroom first, rushing to the toilet to vomit. 

He comes up for air, his stomach feeling slightly better, but his brain feeling plagued by darkness once more. 

Rika – here, back with the RFA – it’s a sickening thought. He can’t stand to see her again, to be near the woman that ruined his life. 

What on earth is he going to do?! 

////////

Yoosung bounces up out of his chair when his class is over – he’s eager to see Saeran and to take him home. He pulls out his phone to see that Saeran already texted him.

He reads the text and feels his heart sink: Hey Yoosung, I had Saeyoung pick me up. I’m not feeling very well.

Yoosung furrows his brow and sighs. Saeran did seem to be overwhelmed and in a hurry to get to his class earlier – but is something else bothering him? Is he sick? Yoosung’s worry takes over, so he quickly texts back: I’m so sorry Saeran! I hope you can feel better soon. What is hurting? Do you have a headache?

Saeran texts back as Yoosung walks towards his car: I feel sick all over. I just need to be home, and to be alone for a little while. I hope you can understand.

Yoosung’s stomach drops, he wishes Saeran could give him more insight into why he isn’t feeling well. Is his anxiety getting bad again? Was school too much for him to handle? Yoosung won’t know how to help his boyfriend if he doesn’t tell him what’s on his mind.

But Saeran had asked to be alone. Yoosung understands needing alone time, but he worries that Saeran is only going to push him away. He thinks about what to say before replying: I understand. I am here if you need to talk Saeran. I care very much about you.

He gets into his car and turns on the engine, pulling out while thinking back to their discussion from earlier. Did Yoosung say something to Saeran that made him upset? Or is Yoosung simply over-thinking things? 

Yoosung arrives home before checking his phone again to see a simple reply from Saeran: Thanks.

“That’s it?!” Yoosung cries out loud. All Saeran said was ‘thanks,’ he didn’t bother to tell Yoosung that he cares about him too? Panic rises in Yoosung’s chest and he starts to pace the floor, trying to calm himself down. 

“It’s okay,” he mumbles, “Saeran cares about me, he’s just sick. He just can’t really text right now, he needs time alone. He’s okay.” But Yoosung could feel that something was off when Saeran left for his class earlier that day. His demeanor had changed in their conversation, and he had run off to class without giving Yoosung a proper goodbye. And now his text messages are even different, more distant somehow. 

Yoosung groans and flops onto his bed, “Oh what did I do wrong?” he asks himself.

/////////

Saeyoung’s face turns pale, “He-he called the therapy clinic? To ask if Rika could be discharged? And the therapists there agreed!?”

Saeran nods gravely, “I don’t know the exact details, but he said they would call him in a few weeks to discuss discharging her. Saeyoung…I-I can’t see her.”

“I know,” Saeyoung says, “you won’t have to, I’ll talk to Yoosung.”

“And say what exactly? That’s his cousin, and he loves her. He has no idea what she did,” Saeran says.

“Maybe it’s time he knows the truth,” Saeyoung offers.

Saeran shakes his head roughly, “No way.”

“Why not? I know it isn’t easy, but then he’ll understand you better,” Saeyoung says.

“No,” Saeran refuses, and he feels a burning in his eyes, “It’ll crush him to know the ugly truth about Rika…and about me…” he shuts his eyes and let the tears start to cascade down his cheeks. 

“Don’t you think it would be better to be honest about your past?” 

“I-I killed V. He’s going to hate me,” Saeran wipes at his eyes, trying not to breakdown in front of his brother again. 

“No he won’t, he’ll understand. You were brainwashed – by Rika,” Saeyoung explains. 

“By that line of thinking, he’ll realize that this is all Rika’s fault, and then he’ll still hate me for revealing the truth about his beloved cousin,” Saeran says.

Saeyoung pulls his brother in for a hug, “Saeran, I don’t think Yoosung could ever hate you.”

Saeran highly doubts that, but he can’t bring himself to say another word at that point. He simply cries into his brother’s arms, trying desperately to push back the dark memories. 

“Everything will be okay,” Saeyoung says to Saeran, rubbing his back.

Saeran leans back and sniffles one last time, “I hope so. I hope Yoosung doesn’t bring her up in conversation again…I don’t want to see her. I don’t even want to talk about her.”

“I know,” Saeyoung agrees, “I’ll talk to him.”

Saeran nods, feeling his stomach twist again, “I’ll be in the bathroom. Thanks for listening.”

///////

Yoosung stares at his phone, willing Saeran to text him. It’s been a week since the first day of school, and Yoosung still takes Saeran to and from campus, but something is still off about Saeran. 

Saeran barely talks to him, as though he’s in a permanent daze, his mind drifting to who knows where. 

Yoosung tried several times to inquire and find out what’s going on with his boyfriend, but Saeran shut him down every time. In the car the other day he asked, “You’ve been looking a little down lately, is everything okay?”

Saeran had shrugged and said, “Yeah, I’m just overwhelmed. Nothing to worry about.”

“Well…” Yoosung had paused before continuing here, “Are we okay?”

Saeran had given him a funny look, but then blinked and smiled, “of course.” He had wrapped his hand with Yoosung’s, and Yoosung had felt slightly better. But then Saeran continued to act distant and nonchalant around him for the rest of the week, and he was truly baffled by this behavior. 

Yoosung sighs and takes another glance at his phone.

Beep beep!

Yoosung’s heart nearly leaps out of his chest, and he frantically grabs the device, only to sigh indignantly at the fact that it’s Saeyoung texting him, not Saeran. 

Saeyoung’s text reads: Hey Yoosung! Do you have a minute to chat?

Dread seeps throughout Yoosung’s veins – does Saeyoung want to talk about Saeran? Yoosung has no idea what’s going on anymore, so he instantly dials Saeyoung, waiting impatiently for the redhead to answer. 

“Hello! That was fast,” Saeyoung chirps. 

“Saeyoung, what’s up?”

“So, I’m not sure how else to put this, but a little birdy told me that you are thinking to discharge Rika from her therapy?” Saeyoung jumps into the meat of the matter, not interested in small talk.

“Oh!” Yoosung is surprised to hear this from Saeyoung, “Yes, I called the facility, they think she’s almost ready to be released! Isn’t it great?”

“Well, have you talked about that decision with any of the other RFA members?” Saeyoung asks. 

“No,” Yoosung is confused, “Why should I? She’s my cousin. She’s my family. You would do the same for Saeran, wouldn’t you?”

“Hmm,” Saeyoung muddles this over, thinking of the right words, “I just think this is a big decision to make. Are you sure she’s ready to end her treatment? A lot happened in that Mint Eye organization Yoosung.”

“A lot happened?” Yoosung is starting to flare up, and he can’t really explain why, “What does that even mean? Why doesn’t anyone explain what exactly went on in that cult?! I know that a lot of traumatic events occurred, but no one cares to explain it to me, and all I want are answers! I want to see my cousin again!”

“Yoosung, I know, I know it must be frustrating,” Saeyoung says, but then Yoosung cuts him off.

“It is! And why are you calling me exactly? Are you trying to say that I should leave Rika there, in Alaska, all alone?” Yoosung asks. 

“Well, not exactly, I just think this decision is rash,” Saeyoung explains, trying not to sound harsh. 

“Oh really?!” Yoosung retorts, his temper rising another level, “Well, this isn’t your decision to make Saeyoung. Besides, how is this a ‘quick’ decision when she’s been in there for five months already?!”

“Yoosung, I know you’re upset, I didn’t mean to intrude – ”

“Then leave it alone,” Yoosung says sternly, “It’s about time someone does something about Rika. Bye Saeyoung.” Yoosung promptly hangs up the phone, shutting off his best friend. He feels a twinge of guilt in doing so, but his anger is overpowering the rest of his senses. 

Rika – his cousin, the light of his life from so many years ago – is abandoned in Alaska. She’s alone and probably very confused. She hasn’t heard a word from anyone in RFA or her family for all that time. 

Yoosung can’t wait any longer. He grabs a few clothes and toiletries and shoves them into a duffel bag – he’s going to Alaska.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys like the little reference/joke of the chapter name lol. Anyways, the drama will soon commence haha I hope you all enjoy this! :) Thanks for any comments! I appreciate all the readers :)


	10. Agent 707 to the Rescue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yoosung arrives at the airport to find Saeyoung waiting for him there.

Yoosung arrives at the airport, thanking his uber driver again before rushing inside to book his flight. A moment before he reaches the front desk, a flash of red blocks his way and his stomach drops uncomfortably as he gasps in surprise. 

“Saeyoung!”

“Hello Yoosung, going on a trip?” Saeyoung asks slyly. 

Yoosung furrows his brows together and then sighs, “how did you know?”

“I had a good hunch you might want to do something direct like this. I have our tickets right here,” Saeyoung lifts up two airline boarding passes for Alaska. 

“You bought two?! You’re coming with me?” Yoosung is flabbergasted. He was sure Saeyoung came here to convince him to turn back. 

“Yes, if you’re going to do something reckless, then agent 707 is on the case too!” Saeyoung exclaims. “I hope you aren’t angry, I just realized there’s no point in talking you out of this, so I hope you don’t mind me coming along too!”

But Yoosung is far from angry – he is grateful that someone is finally helping him. He reaches forward and gives Saeyoung a big hug, surprising the redhead. “Whoa, don’t get me confused for Saeran now,” he teases.

“Thank you Seven,” Yoosung says gratefully, “Did Saeran not want to come?”

“Well…this is sort of between you and I,” Saeyoung admits. 

Yoosung nods, furrowing his brow again, “I feel like I’m missing a piece of this puzzle with Saeran. I need answers, that’s why I’m doing this.”

“I know Yoosung, I hope Rika can provide those answers, but I’m not so sure she can. Anyways, let’s get through this airport security shall we? I wonder if my robotic switchblade with the small flame thrower will pass through,” Saeyoung asks with a smirk.

“What?!” Yoosung looks at him, incredulous.

“I’m joking, lighten up,” Saeyoung laughs. Yoosung rolls his eyes but chuckles. He’s glad to have a friend by his side for this journey. 

//////////

“Where is Saeyoung?” Saeran asks upon entering the home later. He rode his bike to one of his favorite spots to watch the clouds, and he was feeling rather refreshed. He found MC sitting on the couch alone, her laptop out with a glass of red wine full to the brim.

“He’s out for a little while…probably a few days,” MC says hesitantly. 

“A few days? Doing what exactly?” Saeran wonders.

“It’s related to the RFA party,” MC says vaguely, “and Yoosung went with him.”

“Where did they go? What exactly do they have to do?” Saeran doesn’t understand, and his chest starts to tighten, “Why didn’t they tell me they were going on a trip?”

“I know it’s sudden, but there’s certain invitees that may need some extra coaxing to come to this fundraiser party…after the last time, we’ve had very few people respond with a ‘yes’ to my initial invitation,” MC explains, giving Saeran a white lie that she concocted on the spot. 

“After the last time…when Saeyoung and you went on a perilous journey to save me, and I killed V. V was big in the RFA…are people avoiding the event because of his death?” Saeran wonders. 

“Oh, well, I think it’s more that they don’t expect this event to be as thrilling or elaborate as the previous parties. It’s nothing you have to worry about Saeran, trust me,” MC says, digging herself into a deeper hole. 

“This is all my fault. We can’t even have a good RFA party because of me. I’m sure Saeyoung and Yoosung didn’t want to tell me why they left…why else would they spontaneously leave and not say a word? They don’t want to burden me…but I’ve been a burden to them, and to all of you,” Saeran feels the panic and the darkness creeping back over, taking root and growing inside him again. It twists and turns in the knots of his brain, plaguing all his happy thoughts and memories with disease and turmoil. 

MC takes no time in rushing over to him to hug him tight, “No Saeran, that isn’t it at all. This isn’t your fault, I promise.”

But her words don’t reach him. The hug feels nice, but he is numb on the inside. His heart is crumbling at the realization that he can’t go to the RFA party – he’ll only cause more trouble, incite more damage to those who have already suffered the loss of V. 

MC keeps hugging him and telling him everything is fine. But things are not fine, and he is not okay. 

Why did Yoosung have to leave at a time like this?

//////

“Ugh, a 9 hour flight, I can’t wait to get off this plane. That was miserable!” Yoosung complains as he fidgets in his seat, waiting for the stewardess to open the door to let them off.

“You’re the one who neglected to calculate the distance to get to Alaska…it’s an international trip, we’re technically in America now,” Saeyoung states. 

“Ah, I just want to stretch my legs!” Yoosung says impatiently. The doors finally open and the passengers file out, Yoosung jumping up and down, an eager Saeyoung following behind him. 

“Did you pack jackets?” Saeyoung asks Yoosung as they step into the airport. 

“Yes! I have my hoodie,” Yoosung states, pulling it out of his carry-on. 

Saeyoung rolls his eyes and laughs, “Alright Yoosung, we’ll see how that holds up against this ice palace!” 

The two venture out of the airport, flagging down a taxi. Yoosung instantly starts to shiver, despite the fact that he’s wearing his hoodie. Saeyoung laughs at him, smug in his thick wool winter coat.

Luckily for Yoosung, a taxi comes to their rescue soon and they are on their way to Rika’s therapy clinic. 

………..

It takes almost an hour to arrive to the therapy clinic, but Yoosung and Saeyoung enjoyed the ride, looking at the beautiful scenery of Alaska. Yoosung feels nervous tension boiling in the pit of his stomach now that he’s here, mere moments away from seeing his cousin. 

“You ready?” Saeyoung pulls their things out of the taxi and then holds a hand out for his friend. 

Yoosung takes it, noting that his fingers are shaking slightly. He takes a deep breath to compose himself and then the two enter the building, finding a business-like receptionist at the front desk who reminds Yoosung very much of Jaehee. 

“Good evening gentlemen, how can I be of assistance?” she inquires in a smooth voice. 

“I’m here to visit my family member, her name is Rika,” Yoosung says. 

“Oh,” the woman looks at them apologetically, “We don’t allow visitors, it’s not our policy. Our patients undergo very strict treatment here, and aren’t allowed contact from the outside world.”

“Please – I’ve come all this way from South Korea, I need to see her,” Yoosung begs. 

“I don’t know what to tell you,” the woman states, looking truly sorry. 

Yoosung is about to object, when Saeyoung grabs his shoulder, “It’s okay, I understand it’s your policy. Thank you miss. We’ll be on our way.” Saeyoung leads an indignant and confused Yoosung out of the building. 

“Saeyoung – what?! We can’t just leave!” Yoosung states. 

“It’s okay, calm down, I have a plan,” Saeyoung says, “if they won’t let us talk to her, we’ll just break our way in.”

“Break in? You want to break in to a highly secured psychiatry ward?” Yoosung raises an eyebrow in doubt. 

“Don’t underestimate my hacking skills,” Saeyoung says, pulling out his computer and turning it on. He starts typing away furiously and Yoosung sighs, still in disbelief that his plan could actually work. He hugs his arms for warmth, his teeth chattering. 

Saeyoung works for about 15 minutes and then opens his cell phone and dials a number, “Hello? Yes, there’s an urgent matter in room 335, we need you to leave the front office and grab the sedatives before coming over.” He pauses and listens for a brief moment before hanging up the phone.

“Okay Yoosung, go in the front door, turn right and walk up the stairs to room 212, you’ll find Rika there. I hacked the system so no alarms will sound and the cameras are currently shut off. You’ll have about 20 minutes before the front desk woman returns, I sent her across the building,” Saeyoung says with a smug smile. 

“Saeyoung – I don’t know how to thank you! You’re incredible!” Yoosung cries with joy. 

“Thank me later, now go! I’ll text you a five minute warning,” Saeyoung says, gesturing Yoosung to hurry on in. 

Yoosung nods and then scampers inside, following Saeyoung’s directions to Rika’s room with his heart in his throat. 

He finds room 212 fast and pauses for a moment at the door. He opens it with a soft click, and enters inside, finding his cousin staring blankly out the window. 

/////////

“Saeran, your friend MC assured you that everything is fine, and remember what we discussed about trusting others again?” Saeran’s therapist sits calmly across from him, her gentle tone carrying a presence of authority yet understanding. 

“I know, I know,” Saeran’s leg is bouncing up and down in his chair, unsteady and anxious, “I do trust her, I believe that she thinks everything is fine. But that doesn’t mean she is right. If I go to this RFA party, everyone will know…they’ll know what I did. It would be better if I stayed home.”

“Your boyfriend Yoosung will be there, right?”

“Yes, and he’d be better off without me there…in fact, he’d be better off without me at all. He can do better,” Saeran admits. 

“Saeran, Yoosung truly cares for you. You’ve got to start believing in him and his feelings for you, remember how he helped you through your anxiety attack?” his therapist offers back. 

“No…” Saeran holds his head in his hands, trying to push her away. She isn’t helping – not this time. He’s angry, he’s hurt, he’s in an area of self loathing. He doesn’t deserve Yoosung. He can’t go to this party, he can’t be with Yoosung. He was a fool to believe this would work out. 

“Saeran, you’ve made so much progress, let’s take a moment to reflect on where you were just a few months ago, and maybe we can find a new technique to help with these negative thoughts,” his therapist says, reaching her hand out to pat his knee. 

SLAP

Saeran instinctually slaps her hand away, forcefully. She doesn’t flinch, but simply stares, a little hurt. He gets out of his chair, his knuckles white as he clenches one of her stress relief balls. She notes his tension and says, “let’s count to 10—” 

“Let’s not!” Saeran snaps and throws the stress relief ball at her face, out of anger with himself. He isn’t trying, he isn’t willing to move forward with therapy at this point. He can feel his inner demons advancing, pressing upon his consciousness and taking over. He doesn’t like it, he wants to fight it, but he’s so tired. 

And so he grabs another object in her room, intent on throwing that too. But firm hands are soon placed on him, and he surrenders, leaning his head down into his chest in defeat. 

He already knows what will happen next, where he’ll be soon. 

//////////

“Yoosung,” Rika’s voice is gentle, but lacks emotion. “I thought you would come.”

“Rika!” Yoosung grabs her tight, but she doesn’t return the hug. She sits on her bed and gives him a half smile, sad. 

“How are you?” she inquires.

“I’m okay! But more importantly, how are you? Are you ready to come back with us, to go home?” Yoosung bombards her with questions, keenly aware of his time limit with her here. 

Rika shakes her head, “I don’t want to leave.”

Yoosung is astounded, “What? Why not?”

“It’s very nice here, pleasant. They take care of me, I’ve made friends. If I go back, I’ll have to face the truth, and I don’t want to do that,” Rika says solemnly. 

“The truth?” Yoosung is confused, “Listen, I know what happened to V is horrible, but…but you can find love again!”

Rika shakes her head, looking down, “it was my fault. All my fault.”

“What are you talking about?” Yoosung feels his heart pull, “Rika…can you tell me what happened in Mint Eye? No one will talk about it with me.”

“It’s best you never know,” Rika says, “you are innocent Yoosung, and you are a good person. It’s best you forget I ever existed within Mint Eye, you should go back to believing I am dead.”

Yoosung feels his anger surge, “What? How can you say such a thing!? You’re my cousin! I was so happy to hear you were still alive! It was that V who hid the truth from us! I want to know what happened Rika!”

“Saeyoung and Saeran…are they living together now? Are they okay?” she asks, looking back out the window with dreamy eyes. 

“Yes. But what does that have to do with anything? Are you going to answer any of my questions?”

A lone tear rolls down Rika’s cheek, and she smiles, “They love each other?”

“Yes! They’re brothers, of course,” Yoosung says, lost by her questions.

“Then there’s still some good in the world. That’s all the information I needed to hear, thank you Yoosung,” Rika looks at him and gives him a genuine smile, tears streaming forth. 

Yoosung is overcome by emotions, but the one that rings loudest at that moment is joy – joy in seeing her pure smile again. He hugs her, and this time, Rika hugs back. 

They part the hug and Yoosung asks again, “Are you going to tell me anything? About Mint Eye?”

A sadness flickers in her eyes, “Yoosung…I’m not the person you think I am. I've done terrible things. Forget me.”

“No,” Yoosung feels his phone vibrate in his pocket, no doubt Saeyoung giving him his five minute warning, “I can’t accept that. You’re a good person.”

“I once was…maybe. I let my goodness slip away from me…my voice of reason…my V,” Rika says cryptically.

“Please explain to me what that means, please,” Yoosung is begging now, searching for answers.

“If Saeyoung and Saeran are happy, that’s all that matters. Stay friends with them, focus on their happiness, make sure they stay that way, or V’s death will be for naught,” Rika says, “I’m sorry Yoosung, but that’s all I can say. It’s too difficult to explain more.”

Yoosung sighs, accepting this answer, even though it barely satisfies him. He hugs her one last time and then says, “I have to go now. I love you Rika.”

“I know,” she says, “I love you too. That’s why I cannot say more. Now go, before the guards find you.”

Yoosung nods, tears already springing forth as he leaves her room and quietly makes his way down the stairs and through the front door, relieved to see that the receptionist is still out. 

The tears come on stronger as he goes, threatening to encase him. By the time he reaches Saeyoung hiding in a nearby bush, he is a mess – he cries into his friend’s arms, wishing for nothing more than to be with his boyfriend Saeran. 

What did Rika mean by the things she said? V died for Saeran and Saeyoung? What did that mean? And why did Rika insist that she’s a bad person?

He doesn’t have any answers, not yet. But it’s a start. He now has closure from Rika – she says she’s comfortable here, so he won’t take her out of her comfort zone unwillingly. And she loves him – and that’s all he needed to hear – to know she’s okay, and that she still cares.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to all who are reading this story! I appreciate you all~ :) I live in Florida, so with this hurricane, I'm hoping not to lose power...but if I do, I hope you guys can excuse a possible time lapse from now till the next update! We'll see how it goes :) THANK YOU ALL!


	11. Truth or No Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> That is the question -- to tell Yoosung about Saeran's past, or to keep hiding it from him and hoping for the best. What should Saeran decide?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a fair warning, this chapter has some nsfw stuff ;)

“So, where to next Yoosung? I know you’re upset, so maybe we should have a day of sightseeing before we head back, what do you say?” Saeyoung asks as they head to the main road to flag down a taxi cab. 

“Maybe,” Yoosung says. His mind is still fuzzy from his talk with Rika; clouded and murky with uncertainty over her mingled words. 

Saeyoung is about to say more when his phone rings, he looks at his phone, puzzled, “Jumin?” he answers. 

“Saeyoung,” Jumin’s firm voice is clear on the other end, Saeyoung puts him on speaker, “Where are you right now?”

“I’m in Alaska with our friend Yoosung,” Saeyoung states honestly.

“Listen, you don’t have time for silly games with Yoosung right now. Return immediately,” Jumin demands.

“Why?” Saeyoung inquires.

“It’s Saeran,” Jumin states. 

Both Yoosung and Saeyoung gasp simultaneously. 

“Saeran?! What happened?” Saeyoung asks.

“He’s in the hospital again. He had a little argument with his therapist, and he’s been placed back under close watch. They contacted me directly, but I figured this matter should be taken care of by you, his brother,” Jumin explains. 

“Is he hostile?! Did he hurt anyone?” Saeyoung asks. Yoosung is confused over these questions – was Saeran ever hostile towards others?

“No, he didn’t hurt anyone. But he’s refusing to take medication again, and he’s stating that he should simply stay in the hospital…I think he wants to be there. I don’t know. He refuses to talk to anyone in RFA right now,” Jumin says, exasperated. 

“Okay…okay, I’ll be there as soon as I can!” Saeyoung promises before hanging up.

“What was that all about? How did he end up in the hospital?!” Yoosung genuinely can’t see Saeran getting violent with anyone at all. How did this happen?

“Change of plans Yoosung, we’re going back to the airport and cutting this trip short,” Saeyoung says, all jokes aside. 

/////////

Saeran knows he’s being a pain in the ass, he understands that refusing medication and being obstinate is annoying the nurses – but he doesn’t want to talk to anyone else but Saeyoung at this point.

Saeyoung is his voice of reason, the one person he can truly trust. He stares at his hands, which are shaking like crazy. He doesn’t particularly enjoy being in the hospital, if anything, it induces his anxiety and makes things worse. He wants to be home, but he’s afraid of what he’ll do to himself if he’s alone without Saeyoung.

How did things turn like this? He was doing well, he was happy just a few days ago, cuddling with his boyfriend and managing his classes okay. He’s been in the hospital for a day now, and therefore he’s missed some school. He had his life on track, he was starting to feel like things could actually be normal – but perhaps he was living in a fantasy land, a lie. 

“Ugh,” he places his head in his hands, trying to calm down, but failing. 

“Saeran?” a familiar voice stirs him out of his misery, and he perks up to see Saeyoung standing at the doorway to his room. 

“Brother!” Saeran is so relieved he might cry. He chokes down the tears and lets Saeyoung come in for a hug. 

“Saeran, what’s wrong? What happened?” Saeyoung asks, still holding his brother tight. 

“Well…you tell me Saeyoung. I mean, where exactly did you and Yoosung run off to? MC said you had to convince some guests to come to the party…and I freaked out. It’s all my fault that the guests don’t want to come,” Saeran admits, biting his lower lip in worry. 

Saeyoung shakes his head, “That woman. I love her, but she tries too hard to sugar coat things. I talked to her earlier on the phone, and she explained what happened. She wasn’t exactly telling you the truth, she thought it would trigger a breakdown so she made something up.”

“Huh,” Saeran sighs exasperated, “I still had a breakdown.”

“I know, ironic right?” Saeyoung gives a half smile before sighing, “If you want to know where Yoosung and I went, I will tell you.”

“Yes,” Saeran feels his heart race against his chest. 

“We went to Alaska to see Rika. Yoosung couldn’t wait any longer, and I knew he was going to do something stupid like that, so I tagged along with him,” Saeyoung explains, “Yoosung was able to talk to her for about 20 minutes, but I didn’t come with him.”

A lead rock drops to the pit of Saeran’s stomach, “So…so you don’t know what they talked about?”

“He didn’t seem very satisfied. I’m not sure Rika gave him any answers he was searching for,” Saeyoung explains.

“And what sort of answers is he looking for?” Saeran asks, his throat feeling dry. He already knows where this is leading.

“He’s curious about what truly happened to Rika in Mint Eye, and he wants to know the circumstances of V’s death. He can’t let it go…I think he got closure with seeing Rika there though, so maybe that will help him. But I think it’s time you tell him the truth Saeran,” Saeyoung suggests. 

Saeran clutches his heart – it hurts too much, and the guilt weighs upon him like a brick, “I can’t…you want me to tell him that I murdered V?”

“It wasn’t murder. It was brainwashing. It was Rika’s fault,” Saeyoung corrects him. 

Saeran shakes his head, “If I tell him that…I won’t have him anymore. I’m scared Saeyoung. I’ve always been scared.”

Saeyoung places a hand on Saeran’s back and starts to rub, “Yoosung will understand.”

“No, he won’t,” Saeran refuses. “You really think this is the right thing to do?”

Saeyoung nods, “I do. When you’re ready, Yoosung should know the full truth. You will feel better being honest with him about the past, and venting it to him will relieve some stress.”

Saeran shakes his head again, “I-I don’t know…I don’t want to burden Yoosung. I can’t do that to him.”

Saeyoung gives Saeran another hug, “You’ve been bottling up your feelings for so long Saeran, when will you open your heart to others and trust in them?”

Saeran laughs derisively, “You think it’s that easy?”

“I never said it was easy,” Saeyoung parts the hug to look into his brother’s light blue eyes, “but sometimes the path to true happiness is difficult. Now,” he looks around the hospital room, “let’s get you out of this place.”

“Thank god,” Saeran sighs, ready to be home. He has a lot to ponder over now – should he tell Yoosung about Mint Eye? Or should he tell Yoosung to let it go?

//////////

Yoosung fidgets in his seat, ready to leave class so he can find Saeran. The professor finally lets them out, and Yoosung practically jumps out of his chair and leaps through the door. 

He finds Saeran easily enough, leaning against a tree and sulking in the sunlight. Yoosung bounces over to him, on a mission to make his boyfriend smile. Since his trip to Alaska, he hasn’t had a chance to spend much time with Saeran. Saeyoung said that Saeran needed rest after coming home from the hospital, so Yoosung respected that and let him have some space. He drove him to class today, but Saeran wouldn’t say much about his hospital stay. But now, the two have an afternoon off together, and Yoosung wants to make up for their time apart from each other. 

“Hello!” Yoosung smiles brightly, and notes the faintest of lip twitches from the redhead. 

“Yoosung,” Saeran gives Yoosung a quick peck, “you had a good class?” he asks, his voice somewhat distant, as though his head is in space. 

Yoosung plans to bring him back down to earth, “Yes, it was okay. But hey, let’s have a good afternoon alright! What do you want to do today? Do you want to go anywhere special?”

Saeran blinks a few times, and then blushes a little, and looks as though he has something to say. He bites his lower lip, and Yoosung says, “What is it? You can tell me.”

“I-I sort of just want to do something relaxing…maybe we can go to your place?” Saeran asks.

Now it’s Yoosung’s turn to blush. They wanted to take things slow, but Yoosung also wants to do anything he can to please Saeran after his trip to the hospital. And Yoosung would be lying if he said he wasn’t interested in bringing Saeran back to his apartment too. 

“Yes, that sounds like a perfect plan. I hope you’ll excuse my messy place,” Yoosung says, taking Saeran’s hand and walking them to his car. 

Saeran smiles, genuinely, “I’m sure it’s fine. Maybe you can make that kimchi that you talked about.”

“Yeah, maybe,” Yoosung says, his mind far from cooking. 

The two ride to Yoosung’s apartment, talking about random topics on the way. They are both avoiding the ‘elephant in the room’ – Yoosung’s trip to Alaska and Saeran’s stay in the hospital. Yoosung had tried earlier on the way to school to discuss those topics, but Saeran wasn’t open to it. He told Yoosung at that time that they would talk about it later. Yoosung is curious to hear about Saeran’s hospital stay, he’s been very worried about him, but he doesn’t want to push him or make him feel uncomfortable to talk about something that might’ve been hard to deal with.

“So, here’s my place,” Yoosung says as he opens the door to his apartment, “it isn’t much, but it’s perfect for me.”

“It’s cute,” Saeran says, looking at the minimalistic décor and admiring the homey scent. 

“Cute?” Yoosung turns a little red.

“Yep, just like you,” Saeran says, giving him a kiss on the cheek, “So, where’s your bedroom?”

Yoosung’s heart starts to pound, but he leads the way regardless, “Right here, sorry for the mess.”

The floor of his room is scattered with clothes, and there’s some dust on top of the dresser, but other than that the room is well organized and quaint. Yoosung has a few pictures of himself and his mother on his desk and he has a picture of everyone in the RFA from all those months ago, when Saeran had just moved in with Saeyoung and dyed his hair back to its original red color.  
Saeran pauses at that picture, picking it up and looking at everyone. He was still so unsure of everything back then, still distrusting of his own brother. But he was in a place where he was able to grow and to open up more. He sighs, realizing that he still needs to grow more, and still has much to say and to explain to Yoosung. 

“Are you okay?” Yoosung asks, watching him carefully as he studies the RFA group picture. 

“Yeah, just thinking…” Saeran says slowly, “So, you said you wanted me to choose what to do today right?”

“Yep!” Yoosung says in a rather high pitched voice, a little nervous of what Saeran’s request will be. 

“I honestly just want to cuddle up close with you on the bed, and hold you tight…is that okay to ask?” Saeran says.

Yoosung feels his nerves release a little – it’s such an innocent request, how could he ever deny it?! “Yes, that sounds wonderful!” Yoosung says honestly. He loves being physically close to Saeran.

Saeran sits tentatively on Yoosung’s bed and then lies down, patting on the side for Yoosung to join him. Yoosung giggles and then hops in, curling up with his boyfriend. They face each other on their sides, wrapping their arms around one another. Yoosung buries his head in the crook of Saeran’s chest, inhaling Saeran’s familiar scent deeply and feeling a sense of calm wash over him. This was a perfect suggestion. 

The two lay in comfort and silence for some time, Saeran sighing contentedly and running his hand over Yoosung’s head, his fingers mindlessly brushing through Yoosung’s blonde strands. Saeran kisses the top of Yoosung’s forehead gently, “Thank you. I needed this.”

“Of course,” Yoosung says, “I would do anything to please you Saeran.”

“I know…you’re such a good person. I’m not sure how you fell for a person like me,” Saeran says.

Yoosung tilts his head up to look at Saeran, “What do you mean by that? You’re an amazing, wonderful, talented and smart guy! I’m lucky to have you!”

Saeran looks at Yoosung with sad eyes, “There’s still so much you don’t yet know about me.”

Yoosung hugs Saeran closer, “so then tell me. I promise anything you have to say will not change my opinion of you.”

“That’s a promise you cannot keep,” Saeran tells him. 

Yoosung furrows his brow, “Saeran, I like you for you. My heart aches to know all about you, I want to support you in the best way I can, but it’s hard to do that if you don’t tell me what you are thinking or feeling.”

“I understand,” Saeran says, sighing, “I know it must be so frustrating. I just…I want to show you somehow what you mean to me Yoosung. You’ve been by my side even though I’m a pain. You helped me so much already. I’m afraid to lose you.”

“You won’t lose me, and you aren’t a pain either,” Yoosung counters.

Saeran looks at Yoosung, clearly moved by his words, “Yoosung…I-I” but whatever Saeran was going to say was lost as he decided to kiss Yoosung instead. Perhaps he decided that actions speak louder than words. As Saeran kisses Yoosung, Yoosung hears music and his heart sings along to it, joyous and grateful to be close to his boyfriend again. He was so worried a few days ago by Saeran’s distance, but this kiss proves that Saeran still cares deeply for him.

Saeran doesn’t stop at a simple kiss however – he begins to nuzzle Yoosung’s neck, biting and licking the area passionately, eliciting surprised noises from the blonde. Saeran turns Yoosung over on the pillow, so that Yoosung is on his back, with Saeran on top. Saeran plants his lips against Yoosung’s again, kissing him more passionately than he’s ever done. And Yoosung is smitten, under Saeran’s spell and begging for more. 

The kiss becomes more fervent, and the two begin breathing heavily, as everything becomes suddenly hot. Yoosung paws at Saeran’s shirt, silently pleading for the redhead to strip it off. Saeran pauses from their embrace a moment, “is this okay? Are you sure you want me to continue?”

“Yes,” Yoosung breathes, “I’ve never been more sure of anything else.”

A fire explodes in Saeran’s eyes, and he rips his shirt off over his head, exposing his lean abdomen and Mint Eye tattoo. Yoosung rakes his fingers over Saeran’s chest, exploring each nook and cranny with his thumb and forefinger, causing Saeran to twitch as he hits sensitive spots. Saeran bends forward again and continues to make out roughly with Yoosung, his kiss now desperate and pleading, full of moans and whimpers. 

Yoosung feels Saeran’s hands crawl under his shirt, until they find his nipples. Saeran toys with Yoosung’s nipples with his thumb and forefinger, and Yoosung feels his groin begin to jerk as his arousal grows. Saeran’s lips never part from Yoosung’s as he makes his nipples harden. He then releases from the kiss for a moment to lift Yoosung’s shirt off, tossing it to the floor with Yoosung’s other clothes. 

“So cute,” Saeran mutters before kissing Yoosung again. He then trails his lips over Yoosung’s jaw, then his neck, and then finally to his chest, lingering over Yoosung’s hardened nipples.  
Yoosung heats up all over, and he can’t hide the moans that escape his lips at every touch from Saeran. Saeran is slowly driving him nuts. 

Saeran sucks and licks Yoosung’s nipple, his hand traveling down Yoosung’s body and stopping over Yoosung’s groin. He palms over Yoosung’s jeans, feeling Yoosung’s hardness and smirking as his tongue flicks over Yoosung’s pert nipple. 

“Mmm, Saeran,” Yoosung breathes out, his face flushed. 

“You like me touching you here? You’re already so hard,” Saeran comments, his voice thick and musky. 

Yoosung whimpers as Saeran grabs his aroused area again, slowly unbuttoning his pants. Yoosung nods furiously, “Mm, yes, please.”

Saeran smirks and slides Yoosung’s pants off, ever so slowly. Yoosung’s erection bounces up, the thin layer of his underpants the only thing left keeping it covered. Saeran soon remedies this – he bites Yoosung’s underwear and pulls them down slow, causing Yoosung to pant and shiver with anticipation. 

Saeran takes a good look at all of Yoosung, naked and flushed before him. It’s a sight that causes his heart to race faster and his insides to dance. He rubs his hands over Yoosung’s thighs teasingly and Yoosung blushes furiously, hiding his face in a pillow. Saeran chuckles at his timid boyfriend and then gets himself comfortable, his face right in front of Yoosung’s erection. 

He pokes his tongue out to touch the tip, teasing the blonde further. Yoosung elicits a throaty moan, and then he reaches a hand forward to grasp a tuft of Saeran’s red hair. He tugs a little, beckoning Saeran to continue. Saeran obliges, sliding his tongue up and down the shaft, watching with delight as Yoosung twitches his hips upwards. 

Saeran takes his time teasing Yoosung for a few minutes, curving his tongue over the tip and sliding it back down to the base. Yoosung writhes and squirms with his every touch, and Saeran soaks it all in, blissfully watching his boyfriend succumb. 

Saeran decides Yoosung’s had enough teasing, and he takes him in full, hollowing his cheeks and sucking long and slow over Yoosung’s hardness. Yoosung squeals and jerks forward again, his eyes rolling back a little into his head. Getting head from his boyfriend is so much more pleasant than he could have ever dreamed!

Saeran uses his hand to jerk him at the base as his mouth glides up and down. Yoosung pulls on Saeran’s hair again, groaning his name, “Saeran –ooh- oh my god.”

Saeran is also painfully hard at this point, watching Yoosung like this is the biggest turn on. He begins to palm himself a little, but continues to work his mouth over Yoosung. He notices that Yoosung’s hand is no longer toying with his hair – Yoosung has placed his hands on his thighs, and he starts to dig his nails into his legs, scratching at himself as Saeran sucks on him. 

Saeran watches as Yoosung rakes his fingernails over his thighs, leaving red marks. It seems that Yoosung is getting more turned on from the pain – his member is throbbing in Saeran’s mouth, and his hips begin to buck like crazy. His moans are more ragged and breathless, and he digs his fingernails further into his flesh before crying out, “ah-! I’m- I’m close!”

Saeran knows exactly what to do – without his mouth ever leaving from Yoosung’s cock, he takes both of Yoosung’s hands in his and pushes them away. Yoosung whimpers, but Saeran soon gives him what he wants. He pinches Yoosung’s thighs, just tight enough to elicit a little pain. Yoosung screams and without warning, he’s spilling out and having a spasm on the bed. 

Saeran drinks Yoosung dry and then pulls up, trying not to cough from the taste. It was the first time he’s ever done this, but he’s read up enough about it to feel confident with swallowing. In fact, tasting Yoosung this intimately increases his arousal even more. 

He takes a good look at Yoosung, spent and drained, pressed close to the mattress with sweat. Yoosung pants heavily and looks at Saeran with heavy lidded eyes, “that- how—”

Saeran pecks Yoosung’s lips quickly, while unbuttoning his own pants. “Your thighs are red and swollen now,” he comments, looking down at the area where Yoosung scratched himself to nearly bleeding. 

“Ah,” Yoosung blushes, “It felt good though.”

“Yes,” Saeran smiles, “I never knew you were an M.”

“A what?” Yoosung stares up, confused. Saeran merely chuckles as he tosses aside his pants and underwear, revealing his own hardened cock. Yoosung gasps.

“You make me so excited,” Saeran says, “but we don’t have to do anything else if you don’t want to.”

“I do!” Yoosung sits up eagerly in bed, “I want to return the favor.”

“Really?” Saeran leans in and kisses Yoosung, making sure this is okay, “if you aren’t comfortable, I understand.”

“No, I want to do this. Please,” Yoosung says, laying back down on the bed. Saeran looks down at him, wondering what position to take. 

“Um,” Yoosung blushes furiously, and Saeran looks inquisitively at him, “If you want to, um, sit on my face…I think it would be kind of neat to try it like that.”

Now it’s Saeran’s turn to blush – the offer sounds so tempting, he can’t turn it down. “Okay,” he says, his voice cracked. Yoosung gets himself comfy on the pillow and Saeran positions himself over his face, balancing on his knees, hovering over Yoosung tentatively, “is this really okay?”

“Yes…I want…” Yoosung simply sticks his tongue out to flick at the tip instead of finishing his sentence. Saeran shudders and draws his cock closer to Yoosung’s lips. 

Yoosung takes no time in taking Saeran whole – he’s apparently too impatient to tease the redhead. Saeran moans loudly as Yoosung sucks expertly, using his tongue in ways that Saeran didn’t know were possible. Yoosung may seem shy, but he sure is acting bold. He squeezes Saeran’s ass with his hands and sucks harder, hollowing his cheeks out. 

Saeran grabs onto the headboard for support as Yoosung’s tongue circles over his shaft, and then slides up and down. Saeran sucks in a breath and holds it, afraid to let go, lest everything release all at once. He groans and then looks down, watching as Yoosung works his lips over him, bobbing his head up and down. He looks so hot, so amazing, Saeran nearly loses it. He shuts his eyes and feels his body tingle all over, his nerves on edge, so close to orgasm. 

“Yoo—sung,” Saeran gasps and covers his mouth instinctually, trying to stifle his animalistic noises. “I’m close.”

Yoosung takes that as a cue to move his lips over him faster, picking up his rhythm and flicking his tongue over the tip again. Saeran’s knees buckle and he pulls out of Yoosung’s mouth fast, crying out loud as he spills his seed over Yoosung’s chest. 

After the intense orgasm, Saeran allows his body to collapse onto Yoosung’s, not caring if he gets sticky. He is breathless and dizzy, and Yoosung is watching him closely. “Did I do a good job?” Yoosung whispers. 

“The evidence is all over your chest,” Saeran replies once he catches his breath. Saeran chuckles, “Yes Yoosung. That was…that was so damn sexy.”

Yoosung smiles proudly and then positions himself so that he’s snuggled up under Saeran’s arms, resting his head against Saeran’s chest. “Maybe next time we can go all the way,” Yoosung suggests meekly. 

Saeran jolts in surprise, “Already? Isn’t it too soon?”

“Saeran…I…I know I want it to be with you the first time,” Yoosung says, squeezing him close.

Saeran feels his heart quicken with dread – he should be happy to hear this, so why is he feeling panicked? “Yoosung, that’s a big deal. We’re both virgins,” Saeran states, thinking out loud. 

“I know that. But I know how I feel about you, and I want us to someday…you know,” Yoosung says, a little abashed. 

Saeran kisses the top of his head; Yoosung is simply adorable. What did he ever do to deserve such a wonderful person? Guilt gnaws at his insides, and he’s reminded of the conversation he had at the hospital with Saeyoung. He can’t ignore this forever. As much as he’d like to live in his fantasy world with Yoosung, pretending that everything is peaceful as they lay in bed, he has to one day face reality. And in the end, it will be better for Yoosung to know the truth now, before his heart becomes even more invested…

“Yoosung,” Saeran starts. His voice is suddenly dry though, and there’s a big lump he can’t swallow. 

“Saeran,” Yoosung looks up at him, and sighs, “I know we have a lot to talk about. Are you ready now?”

“Yeah,” Saeran’s voice sounds distant to him.

“Should I go first?” Yoosung asks, referring to his trip to Alaska. 

“I think that’s a good idea,” Saeran agrees, sitting up a little more on the bed. Yoosung sits up next to him, fluffing up the pillows for back support. 

Saeran takes a good look at Yoosung – cheeks still rosy from their heated activities, his purple eyes sparkling with warmth, his blonde hair matted and messy but still looking perfect. Saeran feels an intense and instant sadness unlike any he’s ever felt before. He’s going to have to give all this up in a moment. He stares for as long as he can, trying to take it all in, before it’s over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys enjoyed this one! I had to put in some spicy nsfw before they get into the drama of talking through everything! As always, comments are appreciated! :)


	12. Denial

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Saeran finally reveals his secrets to Yoosung. Saeyoung and MC receive an anonymous note.

Yoosung sighs and then begins his story about his trip to Alaska, “I couldn’t sit around any longer Saeran. Everyone kept telling me it was a bad idea to discharge Rika, that I was acting without thinking. I just wanted to see my cousin again, I missed her.”

“I know,” Saeran says, allowing him to continue.

“So I went on a trip to Alaska, and Saeyoung came with me,” Yoosung says, “we got to her facility and they wouldn’t let me see her, so Saeyoung helped me break in to have a quick discussion with her.”

Saeran nods, taking this information in, heart pounding with anticipation at what Yoosung might have discovered from Rika.

“So…I was able to ask Rika a little about Mint Eye…but she didn’t give me any satisfying answers. She kept saying I should forget about her existence, that I should go back to believing she’s dead. Then she mentioned you and Saeyoung, and asked if you two were okay, and happy. I told her you guys were fine, and she was genuinely happy to hear that. She said that if you both were happy, that was all that mattered. She implied that V’s death was for your happiness…and I can’t make sense of what she meant by that.” Yoosung’s words hit Saeran like a waterfall – is Rika finally realizing her mistakes, after all this time? To hear that she is satisfied to know that he and Saeyoung are happy, stirs something within him, and he begins to cry softly. 

“Hey, are you okay?” Yoosung pats Saeran’s back, and Saeran rests his head against Yoosung’s bare chest, crying into him. Rika has changed since he last saw her, but it still isn’t enough to abate his anger and hatred towards her. It only brings him a saddening pain to hear that she wishes to be thought dead by her cousin. 

Saeran sniffles once more and lifts himself up, composing himself. Now comes the hard part – it’s his turn to share what happened in Mint Eye. There’s no escaping it now, he has to let Yoosung down, and that fact is crushing and weighing on his body. He feels physically heavy, and he pulls away from Yoosung, putting more space between them. 

Saeran takes a gulp, his throat feels thick and swollen, as though his airway is closing. He takes a deep breath, and then starts, “Mint Eye was a cult.”

“Yeah, I know that much,” Yoosung says.

Saeran continues, “Rika was the leader.”

Yoosung furrows his brow, “I-I thought V ?” his unformulated question lingers uncomfortably. 

“V tried to stop Rika, he lied about her death to hide the painful truth from everyone in RFA. I don’t know Rika’s whole story, but I know V was important in her life before Mint Eye. He tried to stop her from creating the group, but she shunned him away and formed the group anyways. You know all about me and Saeyoung’s past right? We were left with our mother, our father never acknowledged our existence, and mother was abusive. V and Rika promised to save us. They took us away from that horrible existence, but they split us apart. Saeyoung became agent 707, and I was left with Rika as her mind decayed and her cult grew. Mint Eye became powerful, and I was always by her side, I was her trusted advisor…I learned how to hack just like my brother. She brainwashed me, from the moment I met her, she brainwashed me. I was led to believe that Saeyoung left me with mother, that he never cared for me. I grew to hate my own brother, and that’s why I hacked into MC’s phone and led her to Rika’s old apartment…it was all a ruse to get to Saeyoung, to kill him…I-I wanted to kill my own brother at the time…” Saeran pauses there, choking over his words, swallowing hard to try to get rid of the lump in his throat. Tears are streaming silently over his cheeks, and his entire body is shaking. Yoosung tries to take his hand, but Saeran pulls away and continues his explanation, “I’m not a good person. I was part of an evil organization, and I hate Rika for it. I still can’t forgive her. I can’t forgive myself either…when Saeyoung and MC came to save me…I” Saeran grasps his mouth with his hand, trying to stifle his cries as the tears overwhelm him. He wants to run away, and never admit the next part to Yoosung, but he’s passed the point of no return. He averts his eyes down, so he doesn’t have to see the shame and shock on Yoosung’s face when he tells him. He wipes his eyes, and then says it, “I killed V.”

Yoosung intakes a sharp breath, and Saeran can feel the blonde stiffen next to him. Saeran shakes, his vision is blurry, but something inside him forces him to continue, “I didn’t mean to…I had aimed the gun towards Saeyoung…but I somehow killed V in the commotion. Rika became silent after that moment, that was the Rika you saw and sent away to Alaska. I was hospitalized, and they found traces of all kinds of drugs in me, and deciphered that I had been seriously brainwashed and damaged. I still hated Saeyoung…I saw red, I was always angry. I tried to kill myself…I tried to kill him…it took a long time, but I finally realized the truth about my brother. I tried to live a normal life…I tried so hard. But I can only hurt you Yoosung.” Saeran looks over to Yoosung, finally. 

Yoosung’s fists are clenched, and tears stream down his cheeks. His expression torments Saeran – he is scared, defeated, and torn. Saeran can’t bear to look at Yoosung this pained, so he turns his face away again, clutching at his chest. He scrambles off the bed and picks up his clothes in a frenzy, trying to dress himself fast. 

“S-Saeran,” Yoosung’s voice is cracked, faded, “What are you doing?”

“I’m leaving,” Saeran finds his shirt and pulls it over his head. He is suddenly embarrassed by his own nakedness, his vulnerability. 

“What? Wait!” Yoosung cries desperately, grabbing Saeran’s sleeve, “You can’t just leave! We’re still talking.”

“I said everything I needed to. Now you know the truth. I know you will hate me now, so what’s left to do but leave? I will only bring you heartache Yoosung. I was a fool to think this could work,” Saeran’s voice is hoarse from all the emotions being brought up beneath his vocal chords. The emotions threaten to spill over any moment, and he has to leave, has to get out before he explodes and causes more damage to the person he cares about the most. 

But Yoosung won’t let go.

“Saeran…no, I don’t want that. I don’t hate you, how could I ever hate you?” Yoosung asks back, his voice shaky, but his grip on Saeran firm. 

“I killed V! I revealed the truth to you about your beloved cousin Rika…I don’t see how you can still want to be with me,” Saeran says, pulling away from Yoosung. Yoosung tightens his hold on him further. “Let me go.”

“No,” Yoosung says. Saeran turns to look at him, and he’s shocked by the fierce fire in Yoosung’s eyes. It’s unlike anything he’s ever seen before. “You are someone I care deeply about Saeran. This wasn’t your fault. You said yourself that you were brainwashed, you weren’t yourself. I don’t believe for a second that those things would’ve ever happened if not for Rika brainwashing you. You are a good person. It’s not your fault.”

“The look on your face a moment ago…you were…contempt,” Saeran says.

Yoosung shakes his head, “this is a lot to take in and process. I knew Rika had done something horrible from the way she was talking about it…but I never thought…” Yoosung looks down as a fresh wave of tears encompasses him. Saeran takes his opportunity to finally pull away from Yoosung and take a few steps back. Yoosung crumbles on the bed, a naked heap of tears and sadness. Saeran’s heart itches to comfort him, but his brain is absolute in telling him no. He has to stay away, this is the best thing for Yoosung. 

“Please,” Yoosung looks up, his face a mess of tears, his face red and his lips trembling, “please don’t leave Saeran.”

Saeran feels his chest compress and tighten as he stares at the man he loves. It strikes him that he truly, deeply loves Yoosung. And love hurts. He doesn’t want this anymore. He wants to protect Yoosung from himself – he has to. 

“I have to leave,” Saeran states as firmly as he can. He turns towards the door, but Yoosung grabs him from behind, pressing his body against him determinedly. 

“Saeran, I love you,” Yoosung says, crying into his back. 

Saeran freezes, his hand on the doorknob. He can’t stand to hear this. It’s agonizing. Yoosung should hate him. It makes more sense for Yoosung to hate him; how is it possible that Yoosung loves him?

It must be a lie.

Saeran’s brain is whirring fast, darkness tangling the roots and planting firm. He squeezes the doorknob, anguished by Yoosung’s arms wrapped around him. 

“You don’t,” Saeran states, convincing himself, “You don’t love me. No one loves me.”

Yoosung’s hold falters – perhaps he is shocked to hear this blatant denial from Saeran, surprised that Saeran can’t believe him. Either way, Saeran takes the opportunity to escape. He extracts himself from Yoosung, never looking back, opening the door and walking into the living room and then out the front door, fast, barely breathing until he steps back into the sunlight. He doesn’t stop there either though, he continues to walk on, past Yoosung’s apartment complex, down the street, blocks over, not really knowing or caring where his feet take him. 

Saeran doesn’t snap out of his steadfast trance until a half hour later. He looks around at the street signs, lost. Hands shaking, he pulls his cell phone out of his pocket and texts his brother his location, not caring to explain what it means. Saeyoung will figure it out.

He finds a bench to sit on. He should be feeling something – he should break down, cry, wail, and shatter. But he doesn’t. He is numb.

It begins to rain. Saeran hadn’t even noticed the clouds turning dark above him. The rain feels like tiny needles, pressing against him and reminding him of his burdensome existence. 

Saeyoung drives up, looking pale and panicked. He shakes Saeran, hard. Saeran doesn’t move, doesn’t feel anything. Saeyoung picks him up and puts him in the car, buckling him in, talking all the while. But Saeran can’t hear him. He is numb, frozen, dead. 

////////

“Is he going to be okay?” MC frets over Saeran, placing a cool towel over his forehead. He hasn’t said a word since Saeyoung found him in the rain last night. He took him home and MC helped wash him and put him to bed. He’s been asleep ever since, with a high fever. 

“The fever will break. But I’m still not quite sure what happened,” Saeyoung sighs, rubbing his brow with his finger and thumb. 

“What did Yoosung say?” MC wonders.

“Not much. He just said that Saeran broke up with him and bolted out the door. Yoosung couldn’t catch up to him. Saeran’s phone has 11 missed calls from Yoosung,” Saeyoung says.

“Wow,” MC breathes out a quaky sigh. “What are we going to do? Are you going to tell him about the letter?” she indicates towards the note that they received in the mail yesterday.

Saeyoung shakes his head, “no way. Not now at least. He’s got too much on his plate, I’m afraid this might push him over the edge.”

The two take one last forlorn look at Saeran before exiting his room and entering the kitchen, where Jaehee waits with a cup of coffee, untouched. 

“Sorry about the wait,” Saeyoung says, “he’s still out though, in a deep sleep it seems.”

“Okay,” Jaehee says. MC and Saeyoung take a seat at the table with her, and she continues, “I’m concerned about this note that you’ve received. I’m glad you came to me about it…I have my own suspicions about who might have sent it.”

“Really?” MC asks.

Jaehee nods, “You’ve heard the rumors of Jumin and that woman correct? It’s all over the news, how Chairman Han wants Jumin to marry Sarah. Jumin made a public announcement that he will not marry her under any circumstance.”

“Yes, we saw the story,” Saeyoung says, “but what does this have to do with the letter?”

“You two haven’t met Sarah…she is a very strong willed and influential woman. She was embarrassed by Jumin publicly. She stated in an interview that Jumin simply refused to marry her because he is still dealing with the death of his best friend V. She said that once he has moved on, then he’ll be free to marry her,” Jaehee says, holding out a newspaper clip for the two to read. 

It finally dawns on Saeyoung what the connection is, “So then this letter, threatening Saeran for his murder of V…is from Sarah?”

“Read the letter again,” Jaehee requests. 

MC picks it up and reads aloud, “Saeran, you have done a great injustice by killing V. You have not been forgotten, you have not been forgiven,” she furrows her brow, “how can you be sure this is connected with Sarah? The letter is so brief.”

“Look here,” Jaehee points to a line in the newspaper article, “it says ‘Sarah was indignant about Jumin’s refusal to marry her. She claims that he is depressed over his friend’s death, and that he cannot forgive or forget the man who killed Jumin’s childhood friend, a photographer named V.’”

MC and Saeyoung exchange a look, and then they look back at Jaehee, “forgive and forget…it is odd that those terms come up in her interview and in the letter.”

“I thought so too,” Jaehee says, taking a sip of her coffee. “But either way, what should we do? I know Jumin Han can handle Sarah, but what about Saeran?”

“Saeran doesn’t need to know about this,” Saeyoung says. “We’ll keep him here, I’ll keep an eye on him and set up some extra security cameras around the house. He’ll never know he’s being watched, agent 707 is on the case.”

“Well he’s your brother, so I’ll count on you if you think that’s best. But please, let’s use Jumin’s body guards to help as well,” Jaehee pleads. 

“No,” Saeyoung shakes his head, “he has too much stress in his life right now, he doesn’t need to know about this. It’ll be obvious something is happening if we use body guards. I can handle this matter alone.”

“Are you sure?” Jaehee inquires again, looking worried.

“Absolutely,” Saeyoung gives the best confident smile he can muster and then adds, “from what I read in the paper about Sarah, she isn’t the sharpest tool in the box, I think I can outwit her.”

Jaehee nods in agreement, “that is certainly true. Well then,” she sets her coffee cup back down on the table, “I do have a lot of work to catch up on for Mr. Han, and with the media going nuts right now, it’s been a horrible work environment. If you need me, I am always a call away.”

“Yes, of course, I know how busy you are,” MC says, getting up to give Jaehee a hug. Jaehee smiles, her cheeks tinted pink at MC’s kind gesture. MC walks Jaehee out the door, leaving Saeyoung to puzzle over all the information he’s gathered. 

Saeran broke up with Yoosung, and Saeyoung still has no clue why. He’s sure that if Saeran knew about the threatening letter, he would want to do something drastic such as move away. He's in a delicate and hurt place right now, and Saeyoung fears for his brother's sanity and peace of mind. 

Saeyoung glances towards his brother’s bedroom, his mind clouded and strange – what should he do? What is his brother thinking?

Well, first things first – Saeyoung needs to secure some extra cameras around the house, and fast. There’s no way in hell that anyone is going to ever lay a hair on his brother’s head, he’ll make sure of that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!! AH, so this chapter has a lot of new plot twists/developments! We are at the peak drama point in this route!! Let's see if Yoosung and Saeran will have a good ending or a bad ending, shall we? :) Thanks so much everyone for reading and commenting, it means the WORLD TO ME!


	13. Searching

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yoosung is searching for advice on what to do about Saeran.

Yoosung knocks timidly on Zen’s door, wondering idly if this was the right decision. He shut himself in his room and cried his heart out for a few days until that got too depressing, and he realized he needed to talk about this with someone. Saeran has been ignoring every single text and phone call, and he’s been too afraid to confide in Saeyoung about what happened – surely Saeyoung will take his brother’s side during this break-up, and Yoosung doesn’t want to put a rift between Saeran and Saeyoung’s trust or bond. 

So now Yoosung stands in front of Zen’s door like a zombie – drained of energy and nearly lifeless. Zen finally answers the door and gasps dramatically at Yoosung’s appearance, “Yoosung! Is that really you?” he scrutinizes the blonde and then ushers him inside. 

Yoosung shuffles his feet into Zen’s home, startled when he finds that Zen isn’t alone.

“Jumin?!” Yoosung’s eyes grow wide.

“Hello Yoosung. You aren’t looking well,” Jumin states. Jumin is wearing silk robes and typing away at a laptop, looking almost as rough as Yoosung. He has red stained lips from the wine he’s chugging, and his eyes are slightly bloodshot. 

“Wh-what are you doing here?” Yoosung asks. 

Zen sighs and answers for him, “He needed a place to hide until things cool down with the media. The press is constantly harassing him, and he needed to get some work done.”

Yoosung stares at Zen questioningly; he knows how much Zen and Jumin despise being around each other. Zen shoots a glare at Jumin but then sighs again and looks slightly pitiful towards him, “As an actor, I understand the hassle of the media, so I couldn’t turn a blind eye when he asked to stay here. According to him, it’s the last place anyone would check.”

“I didn’t think this Sarah thing was such a big deal,” Yoosung states, remembering the conversation that Jumin had the other day on messenger, in which he drunkenly lamented his anger about the woman and the press. 

“Sarah is making it a big deal,” Jumin says before picking up his phone, “Now, excuse me but I need to call Jaehee and ask her to do a few errands for Elizabeth the Third. I’m sure she misses me terribly.” Jumin gets up and walks into the next room to make his very important phone call. 

Zen turns to Yoosung and says, “well, now that he’s gone, would you like to talk about what happened with you? You’ve been distant in the messenger lately, and judging from your look, it seems that you must have had your heart broken. Am I right?”

Yoosung nods, and the two take a seat on Zen’s couch, “I didn’t know where else to turn…but yes, I’m heartbroken.”

“Hm,” Zen looks inquisitively at Yoosung, “I think I’ll need more details Yoosung. You’ve been very mysterious about this whole affair from the start.”

Yoosung sighs, knowing that Zen is right, “I-I’ve been dating Saeran. Well, we were dating, but he recently ended things.” He takes a quick look at Zen, expecting to see shock. Instead, Zen looks concerned, but not surprised at all. 

“I thought as much,” Zen says.

“You-you knew?!” Yoosung is startled by this news. 

“It wasn’t hard to put two and two together. You were being so secretive about your dates, so I knew there had to be some reason you didn’t want to share about it. Then when you started to become distant in our messenger, Saeran completely stopped talking. It was too coincidental, and I figured it must be connected,” Zen says, explaining his reasoning.

“And you aren’t…” Yoosung searches for the word, “grossed out?”

Zen looks affronted, “Grossed out? Why would I be grossed out by that?”

“Because I’m with a guy,” Yoosung says, still unsure of how the rest of world will take in this information. 

“Yoosung, we’re living in the 21st century. If someone is going to judge you for loving the person you love, then that person doesn’t deserve to be called your friend. You love Saeran right? So I don’t see a problem with it at all,” Zen explains, bringing Yoosung to tears. 

“Hm? Why are you crying?” Zen asks, scooting closer to Yoosung to pat him awkwardly on the back.

“I-I’ve been keeping it in for so long that I like guys. I never knew how others would take the news. I’m so relieved to hear that it doesn’t change your opinion of me,” Yoosung says through sobs.

“Of course,” Zen pats his back again and then adds, “you know Yoosung, you’re not the only bisexual one in our group,” Yoosung looks up to see Zen give him a playful wink, “I’ve been with plenty of women, but I’ve also had my fair share of men too.”

“Really?!” Yoosung is stunned, “I never knew that.”

“I don’t go around bragging about my sex life, but if anyone cares to know about it I certainly don’t mind giving details,” Zen says, “but we can talk about my wonderful experiences another time. What happened with you and Saeran?”

Yoosung lets it all out to Zen – he tells him of how they became close, how they figured out they liked each other, about their first date, and ultimately closed his tale with how Saeran left him. Zen was shocked to hear that Saeran killed V, and the truth about Rika. He listened to the entire story and then took a minute to process everything before speaking up again, “It sounds to me like Saeran needs some time alone.”

“What?!” Yoosung is outraged, “so you think this break-up is justified?!”

“Calm down,” Zen places a hand on Yoosung’s shoulder and Yoosung exhales and tries to relax his shoulders, “that’s not what I am saying. From what you told me, it seems that Saeran is pushing you away because he’s afraid of himself and hasn’t forgiven what he’s done. He can’t even accept the fact that you love him as the truth. He needs time to work on self love and acceptance.”

“But, isn’t there anything I can do to help him and support him?” Yoosung asks, heartbroken.

“I don’t know about right now…but I think in time, there will be an opportunity in which you can show him how deeply you do love him,” Zen says.

“How am I supposed to do that? And when will that opportunity be?” Yoosung wonders. 

Zen shrugs, “Well, the RFA party is coming up in a week and a half, so you’ll surely see him there and can talk to him then. I think he knows you love him, but he can’t accept it because he doesn’t love himself.”

The weight of that comment strikes Yoosung and clicks with him, bringing clarity to a point that he wasn’t consciously aware of – Saeran doesn’t love himself. Saeran is still dealing with his internal demons, and trying to come to terms with who he is as a person. Perhaps Zen is right, and Saeran needs some time alone to think and reflect and to grow. Yoosung only hopes that Saeran can take the proper measures towards self-acceptance. 

“What do I do Zen?” Yoosung implores, tears welling up in his eyes again, “my heart hurts so much. I only want to help him, and show him how much I care.”

“Then tell him that,” Zen says gently, “show him that you care. For now, let him have some peace and quiet. At the RFA party, you can talk to him and show him you care.”

“What am I supposed to say? I told him I love him and he denied it…that hurt so much. He truly believes that I hate him, but I don’t!” Yoosung cries again, burying his face in his hands. 

“Hmm,” Zen thinks, “how about you prepare a speech? Type up all your thoughts and memories from when you met, and I’m sure he’ll see how sincere you are.”

“That’s a ludicrous idea,” a voice alerts both Yoosung and Zen to the doorway, where Jumin stands, one hand holding a glass of red wine, the other on his hip as he leans against the doorframe. 

“Hey! How long were you standing there trust-fund kid!?” Zen barks, mad as a dog. 

Jumin shrugs, “Long enough.”

“What should I do Jumin?” Yoosung asks, not bothered by the fact that Jumin knows his secrets. Jumin is a calculating person, so maybe his insight will shed some light on Yoosung’s dilemma. 

“Love cannot be explained in a speech, love is shown through actions and gestures,” Jumin says before taking a large gulp of wine.

“That was very deep for you,” Zen says, still snarling at him. 

“I think I saw it in a movie once,” Jumin says, “If Saeran doesn’t trust that you love him, maybe you could kidnap him and shower him with affection until he gets the idea. Don’t let the person you love out of your sight.”

“That’s a horrible idea!” Zen rages, standing up to point a finger at Jumin, “that man is crazy, don’t listen to him Yoosung.”

“Well, what do you suggest?” Jumin steps forward, finishing his wine and slamming the glass down on the table.

“Something romantic, like a sonnet or a song perhaps?” Zen says, eyes locked in a heated match against Jumin. 

The two stare daggers at each other, and Yoosung no longer feels like this conversation is about him anymore. He gets up and clears his throat, interrupting their staring competition, “Maybe I should go.”

“Oh no! Don’t leave just because of this jerk,” Zen says, glaring at Jumin again. 

“It’s okay, I have a lot of school work to do too. I’ve let my studies go astray the past few days…” Yoosung says. 

“Yoosung, your school work is more important than love, don’t let your hard work go to waste because of a break up,” Jumin scolds, sounding very serious.

“Hey, be nice,” Zen retorts, “Yoosung,” he looks over at the blonde, his features returning back to concern rather than anger, “if you need anything just let me know ok? I have confidence that this will work out though. Take some time to regain your focus on schoolwork and then you can devote some time to thinking about what to say to Saeran.”

Yoosung nods, that seems like sound advice, “Thanks Zen,” he then looks over at Jumin and adds, “you too Jumin, thanks.”

“He didn’t help with anything,” Zen scoffs. 

Jumin smirks, “someone has been cranky all day. Should I recite a sonnet for you?” he asks mockingly. 

“Don’t patronize me, stay in your corner,” Zen snaps. Jumin rolls his eyes but sits back down by his laptop, presumably getting back to his work. “Anyways Yoosung, I do hope things go well. Text or call me if you need anything, ok? Make sure to eat and rest properly, don’t let your heartache get in the way of self care.”

“Okay,” Yoosung agrees, trying to think back to his last proper meal, “thank you, bye.” He steps out of Zen’s home and lets out a big sigh. It did feel good to vent to someone, but he is still uneasy, and his heart hurts just as much as before. It may be a long while before Yoosung feels whole again – but at least he has hope now, hope that Saeran will find inner peace and then be able to accept Yoosung’s true feelings. 

//////////

Saeran stares blankly ahead at the computer screen, his mind not truly focused on his homework. Saeyoung has been forcing him to go to class, he says that if Saeran doesn’t get back to his usual routine, he’ll continue to slip into depression and it’ll be harder to get out of his slump. Saeran knows he’s right, that school is a perfect distraction from his miserable thoughts, but Saeran just wants a break for once. 

He would like a break from school work, but also from his burdensome emotions. Saeyoung constantly asks about Yoosung, prying for information about the breakup, but Saeran refuses to talk about it every time. His therapist inquires about it as well, but Saeran feels himself physically clam up anytime anyone asks about it. 

He knows he’ll eventually have to tell someone about what happened, but he can’t face it just yet. Talking about it will only make it that much more real – the fact that Yoosung must surely hate him by now. But Saeran knows that hatred is a good thing, because it will ultimately protect Yoosung from harm. 

Saeran knows that he isn’t deserving of romantic love, he’s accepted his fate. He’ll only cause suffering to the person who has to love someone so torn and twisted – and that simply isn’t fair. He can’t ask anyone to take on that burden. 

But that doesn’t mean that it doesn’t hurt – Saeran is lonely, hauntingly lonely. He wakes in terror every night, afraid of his future, afraid of his past. What does the world hold for him? What can he gain from a life lived in solitude? 

Saeran has no answers. Yet he chugs on, like a machine, going to class, therapy, and home. He is clockwork, sticking to his routine but with a stone-faced veneer, never letting anyone see beyond the surface. 

“Hello Saeran,” Saeyoung walks in, carrying a box of something that looks heavy. 

“Do you need help?” Saeran asks, watching his brother struggle to place the box on the table. 

“Oh no, I got it,” Saeyoung says, “these are party favors for our guests for the RFA party.”

“Oh,” Saeran slumps in his chair, unable to put on a fake smile, “don’t you think it would be best if I didn’t come to the party? I’ve been meaning to ask.”

“What!?” Saeyoung looks thunderstruck. 

“Well, it’ll be awkward if I go and see Yoosung. He’ll have a better time if I’m not there. I’m just not in the mood for socializing lately,” Saeran explains. 

“Saeran,” Saeyoung walks over and Saeran sighs, knowing what’s coming next, “why don’t you try talking to Yoosung? I’m sure the two of you can work things out.”

“I don’t want to work things out,” Saeran says, defying his true feelings. His heart aches every time he talks about this matter, so he quickly adds, “I’m not going, and no one can make me.”

“Hm,” Saeyoung looks insolent, “We’ll see about that.”

Saeran narrows his eyes at him, “What are you planning?”

“Nothing,” Saeyoung says, walking away and back to the box, hiding his face. Saeran watches him suspiciously – the past few days, Saeyoung has been acting strange around Saeran. Saeran thought at first it was because of his breakup with Yoosung, but he caught on that there’s something else going on, something that Saeyoung and MC are keeping secret. The two have been giving him worried glances and been asking a lot about where he’s going or what time he’s coming home. 

“Is there another reason why you want me to go to this party so bad? Besides to talk to Yoosung?” Saeran asks. 

Saeyoung shrugs his shoulders, “Well, I wouldn’t want you to be all alone here for that long, you’ll be upset. I’d rather you be with me.”

“What’s wrong with being alone?” Saeran snaps back.

Saeyoung gives Saeran a careful look, “I just think you are better off spending your free time with friends and family, and not moping around at home, ok?” 

Saeran groans, tired of talking about his ‘moping.’ He knows he’s being difficult, he understands that his depression and anxiety has been weighing down upon everyone else in the household. He keeps wondering when Saeyoung will finally kick him out. Then he’ll truly be alone. 

The thought only brings him down more, and causes him to feel so lonely he begins to wonder what the point is anymore. Is there a reason he should be doing his homework right now? He’d rather lay in bed, and sleep until death takes him. 

He gets up and turns towards his room, tuning out Saeyoung as he calls, “hey, where are you going? I’m sorry I said you were ‘moping around,’ I didn’t mean it offensively.” Saeyoung continues to talk, but Saeran can no longer hear him. He’s crushed by so much darkness it drowns everything else out. 

He throws himself on his bed, his limbs feeling heavy and his breathing ragged. He’s suddenly so drained, devoid of energy and life. It’s been months since he’s felt like this; scary, suicidal thoughts swim at the surface of his mind, and it takes every bit of willpower to push them away, to hide them from view. 

Once he rids himself of his suicidal thoughts, he’s left with nothing but emptiness, and he still can’t find the motivation to get up or do anything. So he closes his eyes and waits for sleep to finally take over. 

////////////

“Has there been any suspicious activity around the home?” Jaehee asks on the other line, sounding nervous.

“Nothing,” Saeyoung assures her, “I’ve checked all the security footage, and everything has been usual. We haven’t gotten any more notes or any reason to raise alarm.”

“Maybe it was just a prank letter?” Jaehee wonders. 

“No…we should err on the side of caution,” Saeyoung says, “I think if this person is really going to do anything, it’ll be at the RFA party.”

“There will be a ton of people at the party, how can someone get away with a murder there? I mean, assuming the worst possible scenario,” Jaehee asks. 

“I don’t know, but I can’t take any chances,” Saeyoung says, “we’ll need to increase security at the party, I think we can use metal detectors and check everyone’s belongings before entry.”

“Okay, if you think that’s best. I’ll inform Jumin,” Jaehee says, agreeing. 

“Thank you,” Saeyoung says gratefully, “we’ll make sure to have extra security placed, and then we can rest assured that everyone will be safe.”

Jaehee soon hangs up, busy as always. Saeyoung feels a little better knowing that extra preventative measures will be put in place to stop whoever is threatening his brother. But he’s still worried that something might happen. 

For the time being, he can’t let Saeran be alone – he’ll watch him like a hawk, and make sure he gets to and from the party safely.

His only hope is that this will be enough to save his brother from physical harm. As far as his mental state goes however, Saeyoung is clueless on what to do. 

His best hope for that matter is Yoosung.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know not too much happens in this chapter, it's mostly to show how Yoosung and Saeran are dealing with their emotions. The RFA party will be soon though!! Thank you everyone for supporting this story, your comments and kudos mean everything! Thank you all!


	14. RFA Party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The RFA Party is finally here! Will Sarah cause trouble? Will Saeran and Yoosung talk to each other?

Yoosung buttons the last button on his shirt and then takes a look down at the choker necklace he bought. Perhaps it’s a silly idea, to wear a choker in the hopes that it’ll make Saeran glance twice, but he’s feeling a bit desperate these days. He dons the black choker, taking a look in the mirror and wondering if it goes with the rest of his outfit. He shrugs, not really caring if he looks ‘put together.’ 

The day has finally come for the RFA party, the moment Yoosung’s been anticipating for several weeks now. He had time to get caught up with his studies and to give Saeran space, taking Zen’s advice. However, Yoosung still has no idea what he will say or do to win Saeran back over to his good graces. He figures that he’ll know what to say when the moment comes. 

He tries to hide his nervous and bubbling excitement at the thought of seeing Saeran again. Things could either go really well tonight, or really bad, but he’s choosing to have hope that it won’t be the latter. 

Once he’s sure he’s ready, he heads out, eager to see what tonight will bring. 

//////

Saeran sighs begrudgingly as MC straightens out his bowtie. Somehow, Saeyoung convinced him to come to the RFA party after all. He still can’t believe he has to actually attend this thing, but his brother and his soon to be sister-in-law planned the event, so in the end he really couldn’t turn it down. 

“Aren’t you excited to see Yoosung?” MC asks him, checking her purse to make sure she has everything she needs. 

“Well…yeah,” Saeran can’t lie, he is eager to see Yoosung. Yet at the same time, he’s afraid – he’s scared to see those eyes, once so loving, looking at him with hatred. Surely, after Saeran has ignored him for the past two weeks, Yoosung hates him now.

“Alright guys, let’s get going!” Saeyoung calls, looking cheerful yet nervous. He ushers them out the door and into one of his precious vehicles. “Ready for a spin baby?” he asks the car, eliciting an eye roll from Saeran. 

Saeyoung drives them to the party in style, blabbering about his car the whole way. Saeran slumps in the backseat, his heart racing with anticipation of seeing Yoosung. Perhaps if it’s crowded enough, he can just hide and never talk to him. 

Saeran is afraid of what Yoosung might say. 

They arrive at the party, and Saeran is shocked to see burly security guards standing outside, patting the party guests before they go inside. Many of the guests look affronted and rather annoyed by this. Saeran looks at his brother, puzzled, “why did you guys opt for security guards?”

“Well,” Saeyoung unbuckles his seat belt and steps out, “we don’t want any funny business with the charity organization, we’re raising a lot of money and someone might try to do something suspicious. It’s best just to be precautious.”

Saeran finds this an odd response, but he shrugs his shoulders and steps out of the vehicle anyways, preparing himself to be frisked. The guards pat him down and check MC’s purse as well before letting them all inside. 

Once in the party, Saeran takes a good look around at all the fancy decorations and soaks in the classical music and elegant ambiance. He spots Zen and Jaehee conversing near a table of appetizers and he is pretty sure he sees a blob of blonde hair just beyond them. He quickly departs from Saeyoung and MC, turning the opposite way and looking for cover. 

His heart is in his throat and his mind is on fire – this was stupid, coming to the party. Surely Yoosung doesn’t want to see the man who cruelly broke his heart. Surely Yoosung hates him. Surely Yoosung will tell him so as soon as he sees him. 

His chest constricts and his hands go numb for a second – he looks down to see his fingers curled up in a fist, so tight he’s losing circulation. He releases his hold and tries to clam himself down. He counts down from 10, and then takes a seat at one of the circular tables, in a corner. 

An attendant comes by with a tray full of champagne, Saeran gladly takes one. He’s never had a drink before – his doctors and therapists have all strongly advised against drinking. Yet the bubbly beverage goes down smoothly and helps him to calm down some. He focuses on relaxing his body, sitting still and drinking his champagne slowly. 

Being in the corner of the room provides him with a chance to scope everything out and stay hidden. He peers through a potted plant next to him, watching as the guests mingle and chat with one another. He looks around until he finally spots him – Yoosung is standing with a champagne glass in his hand as well, talking to Jumin. 

Yoosung’s hair looks a bit different, it’s less spiky on the sides and he isn’t wearing his usual hair clips tonight. He looks disinterested in whatever Jumin is talking about, and his eyes keep flickering around the room. But what really caught Saeran’s attention, and made him gasp aloud, is the choker necklace that Yoosung wears. 

Saeran feels his pants tighten up at the sight – Yoosung in a collar – no, a choker. He shakes his head, that was a stupid thing to think. But Yoosung looks simply delicious in that black choker necklace, which accentuates his lovely neck perfectly. Saeran can’t stop staring at him, imagining him naked save for the choker…it’s a beautiful sight in his mind. 

He turns away, angry with himself for thinking such a thing. He’s the one that ended things, he’s the one that made this decision to save Yoosung from pain. He can’t waver on his opinion now simply because Yoosung decided to look sexy as hell tonight. 

But dammit, he sure might need another champagne or two to keep himself at bay. 

///////

Where is he?

Yoosung can’t stop wondering about Saeran – he isn’t even pretending to pay attention to Jumin’s story anymore. 

“Yoosung, I have the feeling you aren’t interested in my company,” Jumin says. 

“Sorry, but I don’t really care to hear more about Sarah,” Yoosung says apologetically. 

Jumin crosses his arms, “Nor do I. I’m just glad that Saeyoung decided to decline her at the door. Now we don’t have to worry anymore.”

“Yeah,” Yoosung still isn’t interested, “Now, have you actually seen Saeyoung around? Or Saeran?”

Jumin nods his head in the direction behind Yoosung. Yoosung whips around and finds Saeyoung, talking amicably with many guests. “He looks a bit caught up,” Jumin says. Then Jumin groans loudly as he spots someone entering at the front. 

“What’s wrong?” Yoosung wonders. 

“My father is here,” Jumin indicates. Yoosung looks and sure enough, sees Chairman Han enter the room, accompanied by a younger looking man, presumably his assistant. 

Chairman Han saunters up to Jumin, looking aggravated. Jumin squares up his shoulders, preparing for the worst. His father speaks in a stern voice, “Jumin, there’s a very upset Sarah waiting outside the party. The guards won’t let her in.”

“Good, then they’re doing their jobs,” Jumin says. 

Yoosung backs up a bit, watching the scene play out from afar, still listening in. Jumin’s father’s eyes grow wide with shock, “you ordered them to keep her out!?”

“It’s for the safety of our guests. She’s crazy, I can’t have her coming inside here,” Jumin explains. 

“Crazy how?” Mr. Han barks back, “that’s your fiancé!”

“No,” Jumin refutes, “I have already stated that I will not marry her

The two continue their argument, and Yoosung soon loses interest, whipping his head about in search of Saeran again. As he looks around the room, he notices that Mr. Han’s assistant is no longer standing beside him – where could the man have gone off to? 

////////

Saeran sighs contentedly as he finishes off his third champagne, feeling rather relaxed and bubbly. He’s about to get up and find Yoosung again – he has the courage now, and he really shouldn’t cower in fear – but he’s quickly stopped as a burly man steps in front of his view.

The man has thick dark hair and sharp eyes that quickly scope Saeran up and down. He smiles at Saeran, but Saeran is confused – should he know who this is? 

“Hello,” the man sticks a palm out in greeting, and Saeran shakes it cautiously, not really paying too much attention. His head feels a bit odd, somewhat fuzzy from the drinks - this must be what people call getting 'buzzed.' 

“Hi,” Saeran says back, not truly wanting to converse with this man. He only wants to find Yoosung, but he isn't sure how to get out of this situation quickly. 

“My name is Mr. Yoon, I am a friend of a few people in RFA. I believe you are one of the Choi brothers, am I correct in that assumption?” he asks him. 

“Yes, I’m Saeran,” Saeran tells him, wondering how this man knew he was a Choi. Perhaps the distinguished red hair gives them away. 

“Mr. Han tells me that you and your brother are skilled hackers. I would love to hear about your trade,” Mr. Yoon says, drawing a little closer to Saeran. 

Saeran feels uncomfortable by this man’s pressing questions, but he doesn’t want to come off as rude. Are all people at parties this forward and personal? He’s never been to a party before, so he wouldn’t know. 

“Um…what exactly do you want to know?” Saeran asks, his mind feeling cloudy from his three champagnes. He really should excuse himself and find some water - right after he finds Yoosung. 

“Have you ever hacked into a cell phone before? It’s easy for you right? I think you even hacked into your brother’s fiancé’s phone, and tricked her, right? That’s pretty messed up you know,” Mr. Yoon says, taking another step closer to Saeran. The tone is his voice has changed from lighthearted to dark, all in a split second. 

Saeran suddenly realizes that this man did not greet him with well meaning intentions – there’s a malicious look in his eyes, something dark and sinister lies in there. Saeran feels his heart pump loud, he wonders how the rest of the guests can’t hear him. But he’s tucked away in a corner, with no one nearby to notice their interaction. 

Saeran steps to the side, trying to get out of this man’s reach, but Mr. Yoon is one step ahead of him, eyeing him carefully and matching Saeran’s sidesteps. “Where do you think you’re going eh?” he asks, all pretense gone now. 

“What do you want?” Saeran asks back desperately, wondering what he ever did to harm this man. 

“Justice for V’s death,” The man snarls back. 

Saeran’s eyes widen in horror – this man wants to get revenge? Who is he? How does he know V? 

The man pulls out a knife from his pocket, with Saeran looking on in horror – but how did he get it through security? Saeran backs up more and gets a better look at the handle of the knife – it’s a knife from the kitchen, somehow this man smuggled it from the chef. He holds it carefully, so the rest of the guests in the room don’t notice what’s happening. Saeran realizes that he is quite literally backed into a corner here, and his chances for an escape are slim. 

What is Saeran going to do?! Is this really his end, here at the RFA party? 

///////

Yoosung turns away from Jumin and his father’s argument, curious to find Saeran instead. He walks around the room, looking at all the people. He finds Chairman Han’s assistant standing by the bar, waiting for drinks presumably. 

Then something catches his eye, and he ambles forward to take a better look. Behind one of the large potted plants in the room, just in the corner, there seems to be a person with red hair talking to someone. Upon further inspection, Yoosung confirms that it’s Saeran. His heart swoops and dives, as he goes through a roller coaster of emotions at finally finding him. 

He then notices that something is off – the way Saeran is standing, continuously backing up towards the wall, it’s quite strange. He looks defensive, and Yoosung continues to walk forward, quickening his pace. He can’t quite get a good glimpse of the person talking to Saeran yet. 

He turns the corner of the plant, finally seeing the two in better view, and his heart plunges into the ground. 

That man has a knife pointed towards Saeran – the man lifts the knife up into the air, ready to strike. 

Yoosung reacts, without even thinking. His feet run forth as though they have a mind of their own. 

He steps forward in front of Saeran, just as the man lowers his knife. The knife slashes across Yoosung’s face, grazing over his left eye and part of his cheek. Yoosung feels the stab of blinding pain immediately, but he holds his ground, shielding Saeran from the lunatic. 

The three of them scream, alerting the others in the party to the situation. 

“Yoosung! NO!” Saeran bellows behind Yoosung. 

Yoosung cries in pain, clutching at his eye, but never stepping out of Saeran’s way, continuing his protective stance. With his free arm, he shields Saeran, not letting Saeran step forward. 

The man backs up, confused and panicked. It’s at that moment that Yoosung recognizes that dark brown hair, that cowering scowl, “Mr. Yoon!?” He was a former friend of Rika’s and V’s, he often enjoyed spending time with them and looking at V’s photographs. Yoosung remembers how sad he was at V’s funeral, as he aspired to be a great artist just like V someday. 

Mr. Yoon drops the knife, a moment before he is grasped by a tall and broad security guard, who twists his arms behind him to restrain him. “What’s going on here?” the security guard barks. 

By now there’s a large crowd around them, but Yoosung continues to stand in front of Saeran. Saeran places a gentle hand on Yoosung and says, “Yoosung are you okay? Let me see.”

Yoosung shakes his head, not daring to look around at Saeran, keeping his eye on Mr. Yoon, watching him carefully. The blood begins to drip down rapidly from his gash. He can feel it sticking to his hand and running down the side of his cheek, getting on his shirt. With his one eye, he watches as Saeyoung, MC, Jaehee, Jumin and Zen all come forth, pushing past the guard, Jumin talking heatedly to the guard holding Mr. Yoon, explaining the situation. 

Saeyoung rushes towards them and Yoosung finally steps aside, believing that Saeyoung wants to hug his brother. Yoosung is surprised when Saeyoung embraces him instead and says, “Yoosung! You saved Saeran, how can I ever thank you!?”

Yoosung is starting to feel a little fuzzy. He steps out of the hug and stumbles a little, but he doesn’t fall. Someone catches him – he looks up to see Saeran staring down at him, tears brimming in his light green eyes. 

“Yoosung, why?” Saeran asks, choking on his words. He cradles Yoosung in his arms, holding him tight, “why did you step in front?”

“Because I love you,” Yoosung says, words steady despite the swaying room around him. 

Saeran breaks down and hugs Yoosung close to him, shaking as he cries hard into Yoosung’s shoulder. Yoosung’s consciousness starts to drift in and out as he continues to lose blood. He hears Saeyoung saying something about a hospital, and then something damp is pressed against his would – a wet towel. Someone then lifts him up and carries him, stepping quickly around the guests and back outside. 

Yoosung is placed into a backseat of a car, and he’s aware of Saeran next to him, still crying softly, but holding Yoosung like he’s a delicate doll. 

Then they are taken away from the party, and Yoosung closes his eyes, thinking that perhaps he’ll rest for just a moment. He is comfortable in Saeran’s arms, and at peace, knowing that he protected Saeran from injury. He saved Saeran, and that's all that matters right now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhh plot twist! So it wasn't Sarah and her cronies who were after Saeran after all, that was a red herring. I'm not the best when it comes to twists and turns, but I tried my best! Poor Yoosung always ends up with an injured eye! Something dramatic always seems to happen at the RFA parties in the routes, so I couldn't resist. Hope you all enjoyed it!!! Can't wait to read your comments! :) Thanks as always for reading!


	15. Blooming Flowers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yoosung and Saeran finally have a talk with each other about everything.

“When can I see him?” an irate Saeran asks the hospital staff for the hundredth time, causing the woman to narrow her eyes at him and huff in disapproval. 

“He’s almost done with his stitches, and then you can go in. Just wait a moment sir,” she says coolly. 

Saeyoung places a hand on Saeran’s shoulder, pushing him back into his chair in the waiting room. Saeran sighs, knowing that he’s being a nuisance. He’s simply impatient – Yoosung has been with the doctor for over two hours now! What could be taking so long?!

“Relax,” Saeyoung tells him, “there are other bigger emergencies, stitches aren’t usually the top priority in the ER.”

“That’s bullshit,” Saeran complains, “he could bleed to death!”

“No,” Saeyoung calms him down, “he’ll be alright. Have some patience. I want to see him just as much as you do.”

“I doubt that,” Saeran says, his legs shaking with fear – the shock of seeing Yoosung jump in front of him back at the party still has him quaking in awe. He never thought Yoosung was capable of such a thing – something simultaneously brave and inspiring yet stupid. 

The biggest surprise of all was to hear Yoosung’s reason for jumping in harm’s way – he loves Saeran. Saeran can’t seem to wrap his mind around that fact. He realizes now that Yoosung truly does love him – why else would he do such a crazy and stupid thing? But how can Yoosung still love him? After the way Saeran treated him and denied his feelings last time, he thought for sure that Yoosung would hate him.

But Yoosung, as always, continues to surprise him all the time. Saeran’s never known anyone to have such a big and selfless heart like Yoosung. All the apologies and flowers in the world would not be enough for Saeran to show Yoosung that he loves him too, and that he made a terrible mistake. 

He only hopes Yoosung will be willing to take him back, after suffering an injury like this. It’s odd – Saeran pushed Yoosung away to protect him from harm, but his plan completely backfired. Yoosung still got hurt, even though the two of them aren’t together anymore. Yoosung was the one who protected Saeran from physical pain, not the other way around. 

Saeran ponders over what to say to Yoosung. He wants to be honest with him, and finally tell him his true feelings. Yet he’s still scared – hasn’t he caused Yoosung too much grief already? Would it be best for them to stay apart? Well, staying apart doesn’t necessarily mean that Yoosung won’t get hurt – Saeran just found that out the hard way. 

His mind is so jumbled and tangled that he barely notices when the nurse comes back to tell him it’s okay to see Yoosung. Saeran pops out of his chair with his heart in his throat, and he and Saeyoung follow the nurse to Yoosung. 

Yoosung is seated at the edge of a tall bed in a doctor’s room, his left eye completely covered with a large bandage. He wears a smile on his face when he sees his friends enter the room. 

“He’s free to go, I’ve prescribed some pain medication and he should take it easy over the course of the next few days. The bandage can be taken off in a few days, there shouldn’t be any bleeding. If there is, please don’t hesitate to call,” the doctor instructs, helping Yoosung off the bed. 

“Thank you doctor,” Saeyoung and Saeran say simultaneously, making the doctor laugh. 

Yoosung takes a few steps forward and stumbles a little, his balance off kilter with one eye bandaged. Saeran takes his hand immediately, helping to guide him through the bustling hospital and back to Saeyoung’s car. 

Saeran’s throat feels sticky – he has so much to say to Yoosung, but he doesn’t even know where to begin. Gratefully, Saeyoung does most of the talking, “So, it turns out that V’s friend and protégée Mr. Yoon was the one who wanted to hurt Saeran. He tricked us with his letter into thinking it was Sarah.”

“What letter?” Yoosung asks. 

“I guess I have a lot of explaining to do to you both…but the reason we had extra security at the party tonight was for Saeran’s sake. MC and I got a threatening letter at home directed towards Saeran. We kept it a secret, knowing that it would upset you,” Saeyoung explains. 

“Well, I can see why you did that,” Saeran admits, “I’m shocked that a friend of V’s really wanted me dead…I wonder if there are others.”

“Don’t worry about that, I checked into the rest of V and Rika’s relatives and friends, everyone else has come to terms with his death and are living their lives normally. Mr. Yoon was apparently a little obsessive with V, but none of us realized it. We were focused on Sarah…his misdirection tricked us. But it’s alright now,” Saeyoung says as he drives his car smoothly onto the highway, “I just spoke with MC in the hospital while we were waiting, and she says that he’s been taken into custody down at the station for questioning. We are safe now.”

“This is all my fault…” Saeran feels tears well up and he chokes them down forcefully, “And Yoosung, you knew about this too?”

Yoosung shakes his head, “No. I simply saw you backed up into the corner. When I saw that the person you were talking to had a knife, I immediately took action.”

“Yoosung,” Saeran hugs him closer, “I can’t believe you did that. How am I even deserving of that kind of love?”

Yoosung squeezes Saeran back, and it’s then that Saeran notices that Yoosung is crying. “Hey, don’t cry, your eye might get infected!”

“It’s…just – hiccup – I wish you could see how special you are. You deserve all my love, and more,” Yoosung says through tears. 

“Shh,” Saeran holds him closer and then whispers to him, “We can talk more about this in private.”

“So…I guess you probably want to be dropped off at home Yoosung?” Saeyoung asks, feeling a little bit like a third wheel. 

“Well, if it’s alright with you Yoosung, is it okay to stay over at our place?” Saeran asks, holding Yoosung tighter. Now that he has Yoosung back in his grasp, he’s suddenly afraid to let go.

“I would like that,” Yoosung admits, drying up his eyes. 

“Okay,” Saeyoung turns the car in the direction towards their home. “I have to go back to the RFA party to help clean up. MC says she was able to corral everyone back together to have a good mood and enjoy it, I’d like to help her as the party starts to die down. You two need some time together it seems.” They pull up into the driveway and Saeyoung adds, “I hope you guys can work this out. I hate to see you both so down. But I know it isn’t exactly my place to say that.”

“Thank you brother,” Saeran says gratefully, “I hope the rest of the party goes well. I’m sorry again for the burden I’ve caused you.”

“You aren’t a burden Saeran,” Saeyoung reminds him, “I think Yoosung can prove to you that better than I. I’ll see you guys later.”

Saeran and Yoosung get out of the car and watch as Saeyoung pulls away, back towards the party. 

Saeran sighs, feeling relief wash over him. He is home, and safe with Yoosung beside him. “Let’s go inside, I can make you some hot tea.”

“That sounds wonderful,” Yoosung says, walking in with Saeran. They are both a bit awkward, the silence is heavy as they step into the house, both keenly aware that it’s been weeks since they’ve been together like this. 

He takes a seat at the couch, waiting patiently for Saeran. As Saeran brews the tea, he contemplates on what to say to Yoosung. 

He places two mugs on the coffee table and allows Yoosung to relax and sip his tea for a bit in silence. Eventually Yoosung breaks the silence, “Why did you ask me to stay here for the night?”

“I figured you may not want to be alone, especially with an injury like that. I also wanted to apologize to you,” Saeran says. 

“Apologize?”

“For breaking your heart…for distrusting that you love me. I had my guard up because I wanted to save you from me. I didn’t think I was deserving of your love…and to be honest, I still doubt that I deserve such kindness from you. But the truth of the matter is, I love you very much Yoosung, and I can’t seem to keep us apart. This may sound silly, but it feels like fate has drawn us together,” Saeran says, trying to relay everything he’s feeling through mere words. 

Yoosung stares at him for a second, blinking his right eye. A moment later, soft tears are dripping down and into his tea, and Saeran scoots closer to hug Yoosung. 

“I’m sorry Yoosung, I hurt you in more ways than one. I don’t expect you to forgive me yet, but I hope you can try,” Saeran says. 

“That’s not why I’m crying…you – you said you love me!” Yoosung is overcome with joy, and he sobs harder, “I’ve been waiting so long for you to say that.”

“I know,” Saeran squeezes Yoosung tight, “I’m sorry it took so long.”

“It’s alright. I want to show you how much I love you and care for you. I want you to accept that love without self doubt!” Yoosung continues, crying into Saeran’s shoulder. 

“I’m working on it…I think in time, through the power of your dedication, I can finally realize the true depth of your love…I think maybe that love can save me Yoosung…so if it isn’t too much to ask, I wonder if you can give this relationship a second chance? I don’t want to be apart from you any longer. I want you by my side, I don’t want to walk through this life alone anymore,” Saeran pours his heart out to Yoosung, who looks up at Saeran with brilliant compassion in his eyes, his love shining through as clear as day. 

“Yes Saeran. I’m so happy. I love you so much, and I want to be by your side always!” Yoosung smiles brightly, so incredibly joyous to hear Saeran’s words.

Saeran smiles too and then kisses Yoosung, soft and grateful, their lips alive and tingling from each other’s touch after a long absence. Saeran tilts Yoosung’s head to the side a bit, deepening the kiss, creating a passionate warmth between them. He grabs Yoosung’s mug out of his hand and places it on the coffee table before kissing Yoosung fiercer, firmer, and more desperately than before.

“Yoosung,” Saeran breathes his name out between kisses, his mouth starved for the blonde, “I am so sorry.”

“You don’t have to apologize,” Yoosung says back, his breath hot and heavy from their kisses. He speaks gingerly, his lips grazing upon Saeran’s, their touch never breaking, “I always believed you would someday see that I am being genuine with you, that I do love you.”

“And I love you back, more than you’ll ever know,” Saeran replies into Yoosung’s lips, before devouring him again, digging his hands into Yoosung’s hair and pressing his tongue forth into Yoosung’s parted and supple lips. 

Yoosung moans in surprise, and responds in fervor, letting his tongue slip over Saeran’s and wrapping his arms around Saeran, tugging at his shirt and then raking his hands over Saeran’s back.

They part their heated frenzy for a minute to look into each other’s eyes – well, eye, in Yoosung’s case. 

“I still can’t believe you stepped in front of a knife for me…I can’t allow that to happen ever again,” Saeran says, caressing Yoosung’s face. 

“I wasn’t going to stand by and watch the person I love die,” Yoosung says resolutely. 

Saeran feels his heart twinge at that – he understands what the phrase “love is pain” means now – he doesn’t ever want to have harm befall Yoosung. Yet trying to protect and shield Yoosung from pain means he will be keeping Yoosung from a normal life – to live in this world, one must know joy and sadness and experience all forms of emotions. For as long as he can remember, Saeran has only ever felt pain and sadness. That sorrow and hatred clouded his vision and plagued his mind, until he saw no light. But then Yoosung came along, and showed him a way towards happiness. He’s still working through the tangled path towards light, and still fighting through the roots of evil thoughts in his mind, but he’s more sure now than ever that with Yoosung’s support, he’ll make it out of that web of darkness. He can feel the flowers of joy and fulfillment growing and blooming slowly in his mind. He will know true love and true happiness, all thanks to this person sitting here beside him. 

“You saved me Yoosung,” Saeran admits, crying softly and unashamedly, “You saved me in more ways than you’ll ever know. Your heart is amazing, and I am so lucky to be the person you love.”

“Saeran,” Yoosung kisses Saeran’s cheeks, licking his tears away, “All I did was love you, and see you for who you truly are. You saved yourself, you let yourself trust again, you brought down your walls.”

Saeran stops crying for a moment, thinking about Yoosung’s interpretation of the events, “You think so? I don’t know if I really did all that much…I freaked out over possibly causing you harm, and in the end, you still got hurt.”

“This was my own choice, to step out in front of the knife. I would do it again and again if I had to,” Yoosung says. 

“Please don’t,” Saeran retorts. 

Yoosung chuckles a little, “Yeah, well let’s hope we don’t have another situation like that. But my point is that you’ve grown Saeran, you are learning to love and accept yourself, and I think that’s a beautiful thing.”

“Well…I still can’t accept the fact that I killed V…I can never forgive myself Yoosung. And I don’t understand how you can forgive me for that either,” Saeran admits. His actions still haunt him to this day, at every waking moment. 

“Saeran, it’s not your fault,” Yoosung says, looking him straight on with all seriousness, “that wasn’t your fault.”

“Yeah…I know,” Saeran has heard this all before. 

“No, you don’t,” Yoosung takes Saeran’s face in his hands, and repeats, “it isn’t your fault. You were brainwashed, drugged, out of your own mind. It isn’t your fault.”

“Yeah…” Saeran feels a lump forming in his throat, he’s heard people tell him ‘it’s not your fault’ before, so why are Yoosung’s words suddenly having this affect on him?

“It’s not your fault Saeran,” Yoosung repeats again, like a mantra.

Before he knows what’s happening, Saeran is crying, sobbing and breaking down again, his heart aching. 

The weight of those words have finally reached him, and they break through his last wall, his last barrier of self-hatred. It isn’t his fault. The tragedy that befell upon V wasn’t intentional, he never meant for such a horrible fate for V. He was delusional, and he was severely mentally unstable and ill at the time. He was a victim of Rika’s cult, a blinded follower who didn’t know any better. 

Yoosung can see that – he has a deep understanding of Saeran and can clearly read him like an open book. He somehow has the power to peer into Saeran’s heart, and to see that Saeran never meant any harm, that this was something out of his control. He’s changed his ways, he’s seen the truth, and Yoosung knows that. 

Saeran clings to Yoosung, his sorrow spilling out, his entire life of pain bleeding forth as he weeps like a child into his arms. Yoosung holds him tight and consoles him with soft whispers of “I love you Saeran…it’s okay…” over and over again. 

Saeran sobs and holds Yoosung for what seems like hours. Time is irrelevant as he lays down all his emotions, opens up the portal into the deepest layers of his heart. He laments about how hard it was as a child, when he was alone and abused by his mother. He relays to Yoosung what it was like to feel ‘saved’ by Rika, only to later realize that his world was a sham, and that his hatred was misdirected. He conveys about his confusion and misguided hatred towards his own brother, and then later towards himself. Yoosung listens to everything, every detail, as Saeran weaves his tale of pain, hatred, and misery to the blonde. He spares no detail, and cleanses his heart of all his regrets and aches, until there’s not a single tear left. 

Once he’s done, a calm comes over the two of them. Saeran blinks away the last tear and strokes his fingers over Yoosung’s face, the soft touch soothing him. Yoosung sighs heavily and kisses Saeran’s forehead, gentle like a shadow. They are peaceful for a few minutes, both aware of the love connecting them and flowing through their bodies, joining their souls as one. 

“Thank you Yoosung,” Saeran says, his voice a bit raw after all the crying and talking he just did. 

“Of course,” Yoosung replies, “I was more than happy to listen to you. I’m so glad you were finally able to tell me everything.”

“And it doesn’t change your opinion of me? You still love me?” Saeran asks. 

“Always,” Yoosung clarifies, “I will always love you, all of you.”

Saeran smiles, his heart feeling fuller than it’s ever felt before. He feels like he’s seeped out all the poison from his mind and heart, and now he’s left with a clean slate, full of Yoosung’s everlasting light.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I might have taken some inspiration from the film Good Will Hunting in this chapter lol :) I hope you guys enjoy this emotional ride! Saeran can finally be happy!!! Sorry for the delay with this chapter from the last, I finally did V's route and...as a huge Saeran fan, I needed time to mourn T-T I'm hoping forever for a Saeran route in the game *fingers crossed* Anyways enough of my rambling, the next chapter is almost done too, and will be a delicious nsfw one! ;) thanks again to all my readers!!


	16. Tangled in Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *drum roll please* AAAND here comes the NSFW chapter! Enjoy ;)

“It’s getting pretty late,” Saeran notes, looking at the clock which reads that it’s 11:45pm. 

“Yeah,” Yoosung agrees, “maybe we should go to your room?” a faint blush appears on his cheeks, and Saeran smiles wide – he’s missed those tender rosy cheeks. 

“That sounds good,” Saeran gets up from the couch first and then surprises Yoosung by lifting him up in his arms. 

“Hey! I am perfectly capable of walking!” Yoosung protests.

“Not with one eye missing,” Saeran tells him, “I’ve always wanted to do this, can you indulge me please?”

“Alright,” Yoosung agrees, wrapping his arms around Saeran’s neck as Saeran carries him to his room. 

Saeran practically dances towards his room, elated with Yoosung delicately caressed in his arms. Yoosung chuckles and Saeran smiles in approval of Yoosung’s genuine laugh – it’s been so long since he’s heard it, he truly missed that sound. He does a silly little spin before placing Yoosung on his bed, allowing Yoosung to shift around and get comfortable. 

Saeran stands over his bed, admiring his boyfriend staring up at him sweetly. He drinks Yoosung in, basking in the warmth that radiates out, until Yoosung bites his lower lip awkwardly, “why are you staring at me like that?” he asks.

“I’m memorizing every detail, etching it into the surface of my mind. I want to live in this moment forever,” Saeran says.

“Come here,” Yoosung pulls on Saeran’s shirt, causing the redhead to topple over onto Yoosung on the bed. Yoosung looks very seriously into a startled Saeran’s eyes, “there’s no need to do that when we have forever together. We can cherish all our moments as they come.”

Saeran smiles so wide he thinks his lips might crack – he takes Yoosung’s hand and folds it into his own, “you’re right. I need to stop thinking that this is a temporary thing.”

“Exactly my point,” Yoosung agrees, smiling back. 

Saeran pecks Yoosung lightly on the nose and then the cheeks before meeting his lips to Yoosung’s again. He is less patient this time, dragging his lips over Yoosung’s with fervor, hungry for more. They part open for him and he feels as though he’s melting, falling into the bed with the pure bliss of kissing Yoosung. 

He is laying on top of Yoosung still, keenly aware of this fact as they continue their passionate making out, with lots of hair tugs and throaty moans. Is Yoosung waiting for Saeran to make a move? Should they take this further or continue to take things slow?

Yoosung thrusts his hips upwards into Saeran, and that’s all the answer Saeran needs.

Saeran disconnects from the kiss for a minute, and asks breathily, “Can – Yoosung ?” he takes a deep breath and tries again, feeling flustered, “Yoosung, I want to make love to you…do you want the same?”

“Yes,” Yoosung doesn’t even hesitate for a second, “let’s make love Saeran.”

Saeran smiles, taking a gander at Yoosung’s choker necklace again, licking his lips. He simply has to know Yoosung’s inspiration for his fashion statement, “Yoosung, did you have any idea that you’d be driving me nuts by wearing that?” he pokes his finger under the black leather choker necklace, checking out the stark contrast against Yoosung’s pale skin. 

Yoosung smiles deviously, “well, that was sort of the idea haha.”

“Hmm, so you already know my weakness so well then? I seriously can’t resist you like this,” Saeran says in a deep and musky tone. He then dives back in, kissing around Yoosung’s jaw line and neck, right above the choker. Yoosung jerks his hips upwards again, and then purrs seductively as Saeran begins to nip and suck at his flesh. Saeran bites and licks around Yoosung’s neck, dragging his tongue to Yoosung’s ear. He then nips at Yoosung’s earlobe, eliciting a tiny noise of surprise. Saeran recalls just how much Yoosung enjoys a bit of pain while being pleased, but he still wants to make sure he doesn’t hurt his lover, “Yoosung,” he whispers into Yoosung’s ear, “if I hurt you or do anything you don’t like, please let me know and I’ll stop.”

Yoosung whimpers and nods his head furiously, apparently too overwhelmed for words already. That answer suits Saeran just fine though, and he continues to rake his teeth and tongue across Yoosung’s delicate flesh, nibbling and leaving red marks all over Yoosung’s neck and collar. 

Saeran slides his hand down to Yoosung’s groin as he does this, feeling Yoosung’s increasing arousal. Saeran moves his lips upwards back to Yoosung’s mouth, gaining access and slipping his tongue in, tasting Yoosung and drinking him up. Yoosung is like honey – sweet and addicting. He palms his hand over Yoosung’s bulge in his pants, allowing Yoosung’s hips to rise instinctively again and again. Saeran can’t get enough of kissing Yoosung – he feels like he’s flying through space, lost in distance and time. 

He is in a dizzying world, kissing Yoosung avidly and touching him intimately like this. And he needs more, wants to show Yoosung his love through his actions. 

“Mmm,” Saeran mumbles into the kiss, “I want to make this perfect Yoosung.”

“It – ah – already is perfect,” Yoosung sighs, “I’m doing this with you, I already know this will be special.”

“I’m glad you can trust in me,” Saeran says, lifting up from the kiss to unbutton Yoosung’s pants. Yoosung helps Saeran with taking them off, and then he lifts his shirt up over his head, tossing it aside eagerly. Saeran has never been more turned on in his life. 

Yoosung lays naked on his bed, save for the choker necklace. His lips are red and swollen and there are several hickies lining his neck and jaw line. His face is ruby and he is panting fast from their heated kisses. Saeran wants to soak this image up as well, but he reminds himself that this won’t be the last time he gets to see Yoosung in this manner. 

A blissful smile forms its way upon Saeran’s lips; he is ready to show Yoosung his deep and unconditional love for him.

Saeran caresses Yoosung’s face and connects their lips together once more, pressing his body up against Yoosung’s. Yoosung whines a little and disconnects, “how come I’m the only one naked?” he pouts. 

Saeran chuckles, “I can fix that if you’d like?”

Yoosung nods vigorously, and Saeran proceeds to take off his clothes. He feels a little self conscious in front of Yoosung like this still, but he knows now that Yoosung loves him, and that gives him enough confidence to strip in front of his boyfriend. Yoosung sighs contentedly when Saeran is completely naked, and back on top of him. “Better?” Saeran asks, feeling his face burn with embarrassment. 

“Perfect,” Yoosung’s half lidded right eye is full of desire, fixated upon Saeran’s body. Saeran bridges the gap between them and kisses Yoosung again, both of them extremely aroused as their bodies glide up against each other. Saeran is keenly aware of his cock pressing up against Yoosung’s, their hips grinding in rhythm. 

Saeran loses himself for a moment in the pure ecstasy of humping against Yoosung like this, but he quickly snaps himself out of it – he wants to take things slow, and let Yoosung enjoy every second of this – he can’t have them cum too quickly here. 

He raises up on his knees, disengaging from Yoosung to take another look at him before changing his position. “Saeran?” Yoosung is confused, wondering why Saeran stopped kissing and humping him. Yoosung’s hips rise upwards and he lets out a soft moan, a plea for more. 

“Don’t worry baby,” Saeran rakes his fingers across Yoosung, eliciting chills up Yoosung’s spine. Saeran digs his nails into Yoosung at his hips, and Yoosung cries out with pleasure. 

Saeran scoots down the bed and then leans forward, his nails still planted firmly into Yoosung’s flesh. He lets go of his grip and watches as Yoosung’s cock twitches, hard as a rock. Yoosung enjoys a bit of masochism, after all. 

Saeran bites Yoosung’s thigh, without warning – Yoosung screams out loud, “oh! Oh my god!” 

“Is this okay?” Saeran retreats to look at Yoosung and study his reaction. 

“Yes – oh my – please don’t stop!” Yoosung begs. 

Saeran continues to bite into Yoosung’s inner thigh, teasing the blonde. He sinks his teeth into his flesh and rolls it around in his mouth, feeling how Yoosung’s muscles tense up and hearing him moan and sigh with pleasure. Saeran takes care of the other leg too, biting hard enough to leave a mark and make Yoosung squirm uncontrollably. 

Saeran licks the red marks he made on Yoosung’s legs, taunting Yoosung further. He trails his tongue over Yoosung’s thigh all the way up to his pelvis, and then the base of his cock. He lingers there for a moment, watching Yoosung’s cock pulsate and beg for release. 

Saeran finally licks up to the tip and then forms his lips over the shaft, taking Yoosung in to the base. Yoosung sighs audibly as Saeran deep throats him, and he sees stars when Saeran begins to work his lips and tongue up and down over him. 

As Saeran carefully sucks him, he takes one finger and quickly licks it before touching it to Yoosung’s hole. He doesn’t enter yet, knowing that Yoosung may take some adjustment. He pushes the tip of his finger inside, ever so slowly, and his heartbeat quickens as Yoosung cries out throatily. Yoosung is now breathing harder and moaning like crazy, “Sae-Saeran! More! Push it in more!”

Saeran is surprised by this, but complies nonetheless. He inserts his finger all the way, and watches with immense pleasure as Yoosung arches his back and grunts like a beastly animal. Saeran has never seen Yoosung like this before, and he suddenly wants to devour him, and let his instincts take over his senses. Yet he holds off, knowing that Yoosung still needs a chance to prepare. 

He pulls his finger in and out of Yoosung, feeling Yoosung’s tight muscles clench around him. Yoosung is writhing and moaning without restraint, loving the sensation. “M-more, please, another finger,” Yoosung begs with heavy breaths. 

“You’re sure?” Saeran asks, not wanting to hurt the blonde.

“Yes!” Yoosung cries desperately. Saeran smirks happily and inserts another finger inside, watching how Yoosung’s eye lights up with fire. 

Yoosung grinds into Saeran’s fingers, taking them in all the way and gasping for air, touching his nipples with his hands. Saeran reaches his other arm up and pushes Yoosung’s fingers away from his chest and takes over, pinching Yoosung’s nipples for him, eliciting a tiny bit of pain that makes Yoosung go nuts. Yoosung’s cock pulsates, begging for release. 

Saeran takes his fingers out of Yoosung, causing him to make a whining and confused sort of noise. There’s something that Saeran wants to try, but he isn’t sure if Yoosung will enjoy it or not. “Hey, tell me if I do anything uncomfortable or that you don’t like, okay?” Saeran asks. 

Yoosung nods and says, “Okay,” still unsure what Saeran is about to do.

Saeran takes both arms around Yoosung’s thighs and lifts his ass up into the air slightly, getting a better position so that his face is level with Yoosung’s now wet hole. He pokes his tongue out and touches the rim of Yoosung’s hole, and Yoosung screams out loud. 

Saeran pulls back for a second, “is this okay?”

“Ah! Yes!” Yoosung cries, “A-are you okay with doing this?”

“I want to,” Saeran says, surprising even himself. Something like this doesn’t feel dirty at all when it’s with the man he loves – he wants to do everything he can to please Yoosung. 

“Mmm – ah – okay,” Yoosung breathes out quietly, hiding his face in the sheets. Saeran squeezes Yoosung’s ass cheeks and parts them slightly, gaining more access for his tongue to slip into his hole. Yoosung sucks in air sharply, and his fingers claw at the sheets. Saeran wiggles his tongue around inside and licks around the outside as well, until he finds a steady rhythm, going in and out. 

Saeran circles his tongue inside Yoosung, and Yoosung begins to murmur incomprehensible phrases and moans. Saeran himself is feeling more desperate to drive into Yoosung and be connected with him as he watches his boyfriend succumb to just his tongue alone. Saeran slides his tongue deeper inside Yoosung and then sucks hard and Yoosung sees stars.   
“AH! Oh my god Saeran!” Yoosung exclaims. “Do that again.”

Saeran does as told, digging his tongue in as far as it will go and rolling it and sucking it inside the blonde. Yoosung grips the bed sheets harder and bites his lower lip, trying to control his grunts. Saeran pulls his tongue out for a moment and places two fingers back into Yoosung’s hole, stretching it out by pulling his fingers apart and twisting them inside. 

“Oh- do it already!” Yoosung yells, as Saeran works his fingers around inside him. 

“You want -?” Saeran isn’t quite sure what he means.

“I want you,” Yoosung breathes out with a poignant stare, his cheeks heated and red. 

Saeran immediately pulls his fingers out and searches around his bedroom for what he needs – he finds it in a drawer by his bed, and takes it out with shaky fingers. He can’t believe he’s actually doing this. His heart is in his throat – this feels like a surreal dream. 

Yoosung sits up on the bed and helps Saeran to put the condom on, rolling it over his shaft and then kissing the tip, making Saeran’s head spin. Yoosung then opens the lube and rubs a generous amount on Saeran, jerking him up and down for a few beats to make sure he is nice and hard. As he does this, Saeran sighs heavily and asks again, “you really want me?”

“Yes, I’ve wanted this for some time,” Yoosung admits, mesmerized by Saeran’s hardened erection. Saeran is happy again to hear Yoosung’s affirmation that he indeed wants Saeran. 

“Lay down, and stick this pillow up under your ass for leverage,” Saeran commands, holding out a pillow for Yoosung. 

Yoosung complies and bites his lip nervously, “we’re doing it in missionary position?”

“Well, it’s our first time, so I want to be able to see your face as I make love to you,” Saeran explains. Yoosung blushes furiously and nods his head, apparently too flustered to make a sound. Saeran straddles over him and lines up his cock with Yoosung’s entrance, wondering if Yoosung really had a chance to prepare enough – going from 2 fingers and a tongue to this may cause some pain. 

Yoosung looks at Saeran with an intense and impatient gaze, “go ahead,” he breathes out.

“It might hurt,” Saeran hesitates, not wanting to cause harm to the man he loves. 

“I don’t care,” Yoosung admits, his cheeks as red as Saeran’s hair. 

Saeran’s arousal increases tenfold at Yoosung’s bold remark – Yoosung is definitely a masochist. Without any more doubts, Saeran pushes in the head of his cock, sighing and feeling on top of the world as the warmth and tightness consumes him. Yoosung grunts and cries out loud, and Saeran watches his expression carefully. Yoosung’s face is contorted with pure ecstasy. 

“More,” Yoosung implores, after Saeran had paused for too long staring at Yoosung’s face. 

Saeran sticks more inside him, fearing that he may cum just by watching Yoosung’s sweet expressions. He inserts himself all the way in, his head exploding with fireworks and his nerves tingling with something like electricity. Yoosung is so tight around him, he fears he might break him. 

“M-move,” Yoosung says with a throaty growl. Saeran nods and then begins to rock his hips back and forth, slowly moving in and out of the blonde, watching with lustful desire as Yoosung’s lips part and soft moans and sighs spill forth. 

Saeran picks up his pace a little, and Yoosung’s cries become louder and louder. Saeran has no idea how long he’ll last, but he wants to make this moment stretch out for eternity if possible. He grabs Yoosung’s hips, digging his nails into Yoosung’s flesh. Yoosung screams again and begins to gasp hard, “yes – oh! That feels so good!”

Saeran continues his thrusting and bends forward to kiss Yoosung. He grabs Yoosung’s neck, his fingers lacing over Yoosung’s choker. He kisses Yoosung soft and gentle and slows his pace down for a few minutes, making sweet and slow love to Yoosung. Yoosung moans into the kiss, his actions pleading and blissful. Saeran can feel Yoosung’s hardness beneath his stomach as he presses up against him, opening up his lips for a deeper kiss with tongue. 

Yoosung turns his face away for a split second, looking like he has something to say. Saeran pauses and allows Yoosung to speak, “your hand…” Saeran takes his hand off of Yoosung’s neck, but Yoosung grabs it and places it back there, “No,” Yoosung is fierce with his words, and blushing like crazy, “keep it there…and put some pressure.”

“You want me to choke you?” Saeran can’t believe his ears. 

Yoosung nods, “don’t stop moving either.”

Saeran thrusts back into Yoosung, keenly aware that he really can’t do this much longer – how will he ever handle this kinky masochistic boy?! Yoosung continuously surprises him again and again, and Saeran truly might implode one of these days. 

Saeran squeezes on Yoosung’s neck, just a tiny bit. Yoosung closes his eyes and sighs contentedly, and Saeran nearly screams with delight. Yoosung is truly enjoying this! Although Saeran is a little unsure, he squeezes his hand on Yoosung’s neck just a bit firmer, and Yoosung makes the most delicious moan Saeran has ever heard. “Oh god,” Yoosung cries out, breathing in fast as Saeran’s hand presses around his neck. 

Saeran’s sex drive turns up another notch, and he pushes into Yoosung harder and deeper, using a force that he didn’t know he was capable of. He bends forward to kiss Yoosung again as he continues to choke him lightly. Yet this kiss isn’t gentle like before – he is rough and forceful, biting Yoosung’s lips and crashing their tongues together in a heated frenzy. The intensity between them increases and rises until they are both screaming each other’s names with urgent tones, both needy and pleading for release. 

Saeran bites Yoosung’s lower lip hard and compresses Yoosung’s neck a little firmer. Yoosung shrieks and arches his back, and he is then spilling out all over his chest. As he does this, his muscles clench tighter around Saeran’s cock, and Saeran too reaches his orgasm. He releases his hold on Yoosung’s neck, his vision blurred as stars and fireworks dance across his mind’s eye. 

Saeran pulls out and pants heavily over Yoosung, who has his eye shut, his body contorted and clinging against the bed. Saeran gently moves Yoosung aside and then cuddles up next to him, collapsing beside him. He turns Yoosung’s head with a hand and reconnects their lips together. 

The two kiss tenderly for some time, expressing through actions their compassionate and everlasting love for one another. Saeran is aware of the bond shared between them, of the connection that runs through both of their systems and compels them to stay together. Their bodies intertwine in an embrace as they kiss, and Saeran pats Yoosung’s back gently, then tugs a little on his messy blonde hair. 

Yoosung whispers in a hush against Saeran’s lips, “that was so good.”

“Yeah?” Saeran asks, “you really don’t mind being choked like that? Or the fact that I went in so fast?”

Yoosung smiles, “it was amazing. I kind of like a bit of roughness…the bit of pain makes the pleasure feel that much better for me.”

“You are totally a masochist,” Saeran says before chuckling.

“Is that a bad thing?” Yoosung asks, completely embarrassed and coy. 

“Not at all love,” Saeran says, reassuring the blonde that it isn’t weird, “I love it, I love hearing your moans. You make the sexiest noises.”

“Ah,” Yoosung buries his face, embarrassed again. 

“You don’t have to be so modest,” Saeran says, “I’m so glad I get to see you so happy, it makes me really happy.”

“Yeah?” Yoosung looks back up, “me too. You were smiling the whole time we were doing it.”

“Was I?” Saeran hadn’t even noticed. “Well, it’s because I was mesmerized by you. I love you Yoosung.”

“I love you too,” Yoosung says, smiling brightly and wrapping his arms around Saeran tighter. 

Saeran gazes upon Yoosung, looking at the marks he left while biting over his neck and jaw and noting scratch marks on his hips too. “I left you with marks everywhere,” Saeran says apologetically.

Yoosung chuckles, “it’s alright. I wanted it.”

Saeran feels his heart bulge, filling up like a balloon. He’s had such a strange day, but it ended perfectly with Yoosung here in his arms.

Yoosung yawns and snuggles in closer to Saeran, pressing his forehead up against Saeran’s chest. Saeran smiles at his adorable boyfriend, “you sleepy?”

“Mmm,” Yoosung nods and Saeran glances over at his clock, which reads past 1am. 

Saeran still has more he wants to tell Yoosung – about other kinky things he’d like to try in the future, and about his favorite ice cream flavors, or his favorite flowers. He wants to share with Yoosung his whole world, and in return learn all he can about Yoosung. 

But they have time on their hands – time until forever, together always. So Saeran closes his eyes, happy with tonight, knowing that he’ll have tomorrow and forever to spend and share with the person he loves the most.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this kinky little chapter! I have about 1 or maybe 2 more chapters left of this story, things are just about wrapped up here. Thanks again everyone for your continued support! :)


	17. Thank You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A few months later, all is well.

“You’ve made such great progress in these past three months Saeran, I’m thinking we can drop our sessions down from weekly to monthly, what do you think?” Saeran’s therapist peers over at him, with a bright smile upon her face.

“Yeah,” Saeran smiles back, “I think I can handle that.”

“Great,” his therapist smiles warmly and then asks, “when will you and Yoosung be moving in together?”

“In two weeks, I’ll be moving my stuff to his little apartment. It’s small, but it will be cozy for us. I think Saeyoung and MC will appreciate having the house to themselves, as they’ll be newlyweds,” Saeran explains.

“That’s right, your brother’s wedding is in a few days, correct? How are things going for that?”

“Excellent! All the planning is set, now we’re just waiting for them to say ‘I do.’ I’m excited for it,,” Saeran says happily.

“That’s great,” his therapist nods her head, “a few months ago you were dreading the wedding, and you were upset that Saeyoung made you the best man.”

“Yeah, but I’m really glad he did. I feel much better now, more like the me I always wanted to be. Planning for his wedding details was actually quite fun, I got to spend more time with my brother and it brought us closer together,” Saeran says. 

“Wonderful Saeran,” his therapist gets up from her chair, “that’s about our time for today. I’ll plan to see you in one month from now, unless you need me sooner.”

“Thanks,” Saeran gets up and makes his leave, feeling the happiest he’s felt in a while leaving that office. 

………

Yoosung straightens out his tie, looking to Zen for advice, “am I doing this right?”

“Here,” Zen walks over and fixes Yoosung’s tie before looking back at the mirror, inspecting his skin. 

“I can’t believe Saeyoung is getting married,” Yoosung comments, “I don’t know why I’m so nervous either!”

“We’re part of the wedding party, it’s only natural,” Zen says, “but don’t fret, I’ve done this plenty of times, nothing to be afraid of.”

“You’ve been a groomsmen plenty of times?” Saeran asks, helping Yoosung with his hair, trying to stick some loose strands back. 

“Why do I find that hard to believe?” Jumin asks over his red wine. He has been sitting in the corner of the dressing room, already in his full attire, drinking wine as the groomsmen get ready. 

“You’re going to be drunk for this wedding and cause a scene, aren’t you?” Zen glances derisively at him.

Jumin shrugs his shoulders, “two glasses of wine won’t have any effect on me. I can hold my drink better, unlike some.”

“What are you trying to imply?” Zen asks, getting heated. 

“Hey relax,” Saeran gets in between them, something he would not have done several months ago, “this is Saeyoung’s big day, let’s just focus on making it a good day for him.”

“You’re right,” Jumin agrees, surprising Saeran, “this is the last of my wine anyways.”

……………..

Yoosung stands in amazement at the altar beside Saeran, watching in awe as MC walks up in her gorgeous white dress. He’s never seen anything so dazzling before, MC is glowing with joy. He turns his head to the side, trying not to cry already. 

It’s when Saeyoung and MC exchange vows that Yoosung finally lets the tears spring forth. He can’t hold back as Saeyoung, who is usually silly and upbeat, seriously professes his love and devotion to MC. Beside him, Saeran tugs on his fingers, and then the two interlock them and hold hands, squeezing for support as the bride and groom say “I do.”

The crowd erupts in applause and Yoosung dares to look over as Saeyoung and MC raise their hands up in joy, finally bound together for forever. Yoosung smiles wide, feeling his heart filled and overflowing with joy like a balloon. 

Saeran looks at him, mirroring the same emotion. Saeran bends down and kisses Yoosung lightly on the lips, surprising him and making his heart flutter. “Someday Yoosung,” Saeran tells him with a grin. 

Those words fill Yoosung up until he is flying, soaring on air for the rest of the night. 

………….

“Yoosung, we have the house to ourselves while they’re on the honeymoon, you know what that means right?” Saeran wiggles his eyebrows up suggestively and Yoosung laughs. 

“Yeah, I know silly,” Yoosung teases as they walk inside. He’s staying the next few nights here with Saeran, helping him watch over the house while the newlywed couple is away. “So, where do you want to do it first?” he asks, grinning over at Saeran, who’s heartbeat quickens instantly. 

“Well, I sort of want to take things nice and slow first, and do things a little differently than we normally do,” Saeran says. 

“What do you mean?” Yoosung asks, furrowing his brow. He’s used to the kinky sex they usually have, with Saeran eliciting the tiniest bit of pain for him, and with lots of scratching and biting and yelling. 

“Let me show you,” Saeran pulls forward and locks their lips together, embracing Yoosung and rubbing his hands slowly up Yoosung’s back. 

Yoosung sighs into the kiss, allowing himself to melt into Saeran’s arms. Saeran gently picks Yoosung up and brings him to his bedroom, laying him down gingerly on the bed, careful not to be rough with any of his movements.

Saeran strips Yoosung and himself of their clothes, and then goes back to kissing Yoosung innocently, the way they did when they were first dating, before they dared to be bold and aggressive with one another. He runs his hands slowly over Yoosung’s body, fingers ghosting over every ridge and curve, then massaging across his stomach and abdomen, giving him loving caresses, very different from the usual scratches or love bites. 

Saeran takes his time with Yoosung, lavishing him with soft kisses and holding him tight, telling him he loves him over and over. He places all his passion into every movement, and when he enters Yoosung, he does it slow and deliberate, watching Yoosung’s exquisite reactions, and locking eyes with him to deepen their connection. 

Yoosung sighs and moans more deeply, more compassionate than ever before. He holds Saeran’s face with his hands, and brings him in for sweet kisses and nose touches. The two feel a surge of something powerful, something electric and vibrant keeping them together, connected. And nothing in this world could break that bond apart. 

After making love, Saeran holds Yoosung tight in his arms, and Yoosung smiles widely, “That was the most passionate sex we’ve ever had.”

“I feel the same way,” Saeran says, kissing Yoosung’s ear.

“I love you Saeran,” Yoosung whispers, feeling comfortable and safe in his arms.

“I love you too,” Saeran exchanges, holding Yoosung tighter.

…………….

“I can’t believe MC is pregnant!” Yoosung exclaims, super excited by this news.

“Well, they have been married for a year now, it was the next logical step,” Saeran says, squinting his eyes in the bright sun. 

The two are walking casually in the park, strolling around after getting out of their classes. Yoosung is nearly done with his degree, and has already been accepted into a good veterinarian school. Saeran has a job lined up with a video game production company, to start as soon as he graduates. The two have promising futures ahead, and have focused hard on achieving their goals. 

“Aren’t you excited to be an uncle?” Yoosung asks Saeran.

“Yeah,” Saeran has to admit it, “That does sound kinda cool. And you’ll be an uncle too!”

“Hehe,” Yoosung laughs at that, “I’m not exactly in the family though.”

Saeran shrugs, “well, not yet anyways.”

“Hm?” Yoosung pauses, blinking several times, trying to make sure he understood that implication correctly. 

“Well, we haven’t had a chance to talk about it much yet, but I was wondering…if someday, you and I could get married. I wasn’t sure what you thought of it, and I still think we should finish schooling first and get in a more financially stable area and everything,” Saeran takes a deep breath, he knows he’s rambling, “I could see it happening in our future. What do you think?”

“Yes,” Yoosung doesn’t hesitate for a moment, and his eyes are sparkly with the promise of tears to come, “I want that more than anything Saeran.”

“Good,” Saeran smiles and then fishes something out of his pocket, “it isn’t much, but I have a promise ring with me. I’ve been waiting for the right time to ask. It’s just a simple thing, a promise that we will someday be engaged. Once I make money I’ll replace this with something nicer.” Saeran places the simple round band on Yoosung’s ring finger, his own fingers trembling slightly.

Yoosung stares at Saeran with stars in his eyes, and yearning in his heart. “I love it,” he whispers, choking a little on his words as the tears finally trail down, “it’s perfect Saeran. My answer will always be yes.”

Saeran leans in and kisses Yoosung on the lips, their fingers joining together. “I’m so happy to hear that,” Saeran says, feeling the tension wash away – he’s been holding onto that ring for some time, unsure of how to ask Yoosung to someday be his fiancé. 

Yoosung admires the ring, truly surprised by this gesture, “I’m so happy too!”

Saeran squeezes Yoosung’s hand in his own, elated at seeing his boyfriend so genuinely joyful and full of love. 

There was a time when Saeran was ready to give up his life – to kill himself or to kill his brother, back when he was full of anger. At that time there seemed to be no way out of that loss, no way out of the tangled thorns in his mind. But here he is now, alive and happy and in love. He made it through the twisted and negative roots in his mind, he overcame his depression and found something worth living for and fighting for – love and happiness with Yoosung. 

“Are you alright?” Yoosung asks Saeran, looking up pensively at Saeran’s hard and unblinking stare. Saeran is near tears, overcome with so much emotion. 

Saeran shakes his head, he was lost in thought about how much things have changed in his life. “I’ve never been better,” he says candidly. 

He and Yoosung look up at the sky – it’s a clear blue day, with a few fluffy clouds in sight. No matter what storms may lie ahead, Saeran will be okay, he can get through anything. He turns to Yoosung and says, “thank you.”

“What did I do?” Yoosung seems dazed, he’s still blinking at his ring, as though he’s trying to figure out if this is real. 

“You saved me,” Saeran says.

“Hm,” Yoosung chuckles, “I think we helped each other Saeran. We both lift each other up, we both support each other. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

“You’re right,” Saeran smiles. The two walk hand in hand, comfortable and carefree, ready to face any challenge head on. But for now there are no worries and no fears – only love

And that love has made all the difference.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy endings, and thank you all for reading!! I hope you enjoyed it, I know I'm not the best with writing a poetic wrap up/ending, but I tried my best to make it realistic and happy! I'm a sucker for happy endings lol. Saeran deserves a good ending to his route in my opinion! Any comments are appreciated, I love hearing from you all!! Much gratitude!! :)


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